Hyphenation and other naming issues

I am a hyphenator. Let me just put that out there. I know there are lots of mixed feelings about "hyphenating," especially in the academic world, but when I married C (my husband) I chose to hyphenate my last name for a variety of reasons. I primarily chose to hyphenate b/c at that time I thought any children we'd have would just take C's last name--I've since changed my mind about that and we're STILL trying to decide what our child's last name will be. My reasoning for this was that my mom (who divorced my biological father and married my dad, taking his last name) had a different name from me the entire time I was growing up. Despite being a feminist and having a strong desire to keep my own name, I remembered what it was like to constantly have to explain to teachers, friends' parents, etc. Why my parents had a different name than I did. Despite being an educator, I don't think it is a child's responsibility to educate the world as to why s/he might have a different name from his/her mother or father. I reasoned that if I hyphenated, keeping my own name and adding my husband's name to it, my child could avoid some of this confusion. I was and still am very happy with my decision to hyphenate.

But my decision to hyphenate offended C's family from the beginning. His mother even went so far as to ask me if I thought I was too good to take his name. I ignored most of it, letting C field the most offensive and irritating inquiries. Now, my mil and I are very different (obviously, right?). She is very traditional and very Southern, so I resigned myself to receiving mail from her addressed to "Mrs. C-- B---" for the rest of my life. After all, if it makes her happy, what do I care? But about 2 years ago, I received a gift from her; it was a huge canvas purse monogramed with my initials. After I got over the shock of its size (HUGE) and feigning how much I loved it (we are VERY different), I noticed that she'd had it monogramed in my initials--MGB--recognizing for the first time that I'd hyphenated. I was ecstatic and even carried the bag a few times to express my happiness at her recognition of my name.

Fast forward 2 years to our pregnancy. All recognition of my name by C's family is gone. C received a phone call yesterday from his sister; she was at a store trying to access our baby registry (she is very kindly throwing us a shower in a few weeks). She was frantic; she couldn't find the registry. Had something happened to it, she asked? C calmly asked what name she was searching under; she said yours. He said that we had been told that at this particular store you had to search under the primary registrant, and we had listed me as the primary. He reminded her to look under my full name. She did so and quickly found it without incident. She then informed him that very few of the people invited to our shower would know that I had hyphenated and most wouldn't think to look under my name; they were after all his family and friends. She then asked that we change it to which he very smartly responded "No," explaining that was my name and since we'd been married for 6 years most people should know my last name.

So now, after thinking my in-laws were comfortable with finally comfortable with my decision, I am left feeling alienated again and reminded that they still view me as somewhat of an oddity. And I will be reminded of this fact at the shower (which we're traveling 1500 miles to attend) when every gift I open is addressed to MB rather than MGB or even just plain old M. Of course all of this brought our inability to reach an agreement on the baby's last name to the center again!