Thursday, November 23, 2006
I am a mother
I don't mean to state the obvious, especially as this blog has become more a discussion of motherhood than academia, but I'm still processing the recent changes in my life. Motherhood sort of snuck up on me, which is odd considering that C and I planned for S for quite some time. In the grand scheme of things, it didn't take us a long time to get pregnant (7 months, but only 4 cycles), but it did take us a while to feel prepared to have a family. I have since learned that there is no way I could have been really prepared for motherhood. At least once a day, I suddenly realize that I am a mother. It is a wonderful, glorious, scary, daunting, and beautiful feeling. As intimidating as that realization is, I wouldn't change anything about our lives now. Even though S is only a month old (only! I already feel like my little boy is growing up too fast!), I feel like I've known him forever. He is definitely the best of both C and I--and I even feel that way when he keeps us up in the middle of the night, as he did last night.
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2 comments:
You know, I feel that somehow my sons have always existed. I know I lived for 30 years before they were born, but I feel as if they've been here/there all along, it's kind of strange to think that I wasn't a mother before and that their birth made me one forever. I love motherhood even though it is so so so hard.
I completely agree, Lilian. I never, never expected to feel so many conflicting emotions. Part of me really misses our life before S, but I couldn't imagine (nor do I want to) going back to life without him. Life is simulateously more difficult and more rewarding.
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