The holidays are upon us, and as usual, I anticipate them with mixed emotions. I actually really enjoy the holidays. C & I have our own traditions that we like to follow, and we're both very excited to experience our first holiday season with S. That said, our families can make the holiday season much more stressful. We live across the country from our families, so every year (in July or August) the inevitable questions begin: are you coming "home" for Christmas? I've yet to figure out how to answer that question. I'm not being cryptic or sarcastic--for a change. It is simply that as a married adult who has not lived in the same city as her parents for over 8 years, I don't necessarily think of the city where I grew up as "home" anymore. I also have a hard time thinking of my parents' house as "home." I really like visiting our families, for the most part, but I have to be honest--I prefer my own space. I dont necessarily think of TX as home either, but it is where C, S, & I live together. It is our space, with our things and our habits. This year's travel is going to be doubly stressful. We haven't been "home" during Christmas for 2 years, we have S, and C's dad died in October (the day after S was born). I have so many mixed emotions about this trip that I feel compelled to write about it, and since this blog has become my journal of sorts, it seemed like the best place.
We've been married for over 6 years, and we've yet to figure out how to have a stress-free holiday with our families. One would think that since they live in the same city it would be easier. Nope, nope, nope. We are still expected to divide our time precisely, and we're constantly concerned about not hurting anyone's feelings. Our parents also conveniently forget that we both still have friends in town we'd like to see, but that becomes almost impossible with all the things planned for us. And that is what stresses me out the most. I HATE to have things planned for me; actually, I just really dislike being told I HAVE to do something. Like attending an extended family dinner with people I don't know, have nothing in common with, and who barely acknowledge my presence while I'm attending said dinner. Being with C's extended family stresses me out a great deal. I'm not who they expected C to marry, and I feel like many of them blame me for "taking" him out of the family circle. In their minds, I'm somewhat unconventional. My family, in all honesty, isn't much better. My parents take a very laid back approach, telling me "do what you need to do," which actually only works to add more stress. So it will be interesting, needless to say. I plan to use a very convenient excuse my good friend Sarah has suggested: I'm going to spend a lot of time breastfeeding S in my old bedroom to get away from all the excitement. . .
5 comments:
Breastfeeding in the bedroom helped keep me sane during our two months of visitors after Supadiscobaby's birth. It was practically the only quiet time I had--and some of the only time I had alond with my son.
I mean, "alone"--not "alond"
Yeah--not too many times when you can list the benefits of people's general squeamishness about breastfeeding, but there's one!
You could also do what I'm doing this year...explaining to our families that what they did for us - keeping us at home, with our own tree, our own Christmas Eve & morning rituals, and each other - is what we're doing for our kids (7 yrs. and 6 weeks). Both families seem to "get" that, and both sides understand that, as the grandparents, they are always welcome at our house and should feel free to come visit if they so desire. After all, they definitely understand that it's easier (and cheaper) for them to travel (as a pair of grandparents) than it is for us (as a family of four).
Very good strategy I should say.
I'm very familiar with the coming home troubles, only home is not only a city across the country, but a country across the ocean with family members and friends scattered through various cities...
It's exhausting and crazy. The part I dislike the most is how little time I get to spend with my cherished friends and their children, since I have to divide the time as evenly as possible between my parents and my in-laws. Now that said in-laws are living here in the states I expect our trips to Brazil will be more pleasant. The other killer is not being able to have a car there and depend on my parents (rental is much more expensive than here and we wouldn't be able to afford it anyway...).
I wish you the best of luck this year. I found out that after I had my sons it became much more complicated, since now I had to allow the grandparents to spend time with their only and very first grandson on both sides...
Post a Comment