Survivor's Guilt

A few weeks ago Sally Racket, which is a pseudonym for a former graduate student who recently found full-time, tenure-track employment, published a column at The Chronicle of Higher Ed titled "Survivor's Guilt."  In a nutshell, Racket writes about the guilt many of us feel upon getting t-t jobs.  You see, as she points out, the market sucks, and those of us lucky enough to get a job are acutely aware that our success is the source of stress for one of our equally qualified colleagues.  It really struck a chord with me, especially as I was in the midst of negotiating the finer points of my contract with CU.  My guilt took a slightly different form, however. 

You see, I had the good fortune to come out of program that took some time to prepare its students for the job market.  Thus, many of my grad school colleagues have secured tenure-track jobs in the last 2 years.  In fact, most of them are now in tenure track positions.  I do, however, feel some guilt about my current colleagues, especially those in the Writing Program.  You see, I will be the fourth full-time, t-t faculty member in a department of about 20 part-time instructors, many of whom have been teaching at CU for over 10 years.  I've been teaching in this department for 2 years, and many of the department members have only met me a few times.  There are two primary things that set me apart from most of my colleagues in this department: I have a Ph.D., and I didn't get my Ph.D. at CU.   You see, many of my colleagues have either an MA or their completed their Ph.D.s at CU, making them ineligible for any t-t positions that are advertised at CU in their areas.  When I was offered my position, I was very aware that I could be seen as stepping on some toes.  I am an outsider, coming into a fairly well established program.  I don't want to be perceived as a usurper.  So I went to a faculty meeting earlier this week with a lot of trepidation (and this was not the same faculty meeting I attended on Friday; I'm working on another post about that one). 

I knew that Dr. Writing was going to announce my appointment at the meeting, but I had no idea when.  She and I had talked about my concerns, so I knew more or less what she was going to say.  In order to prevent some potentially hurt feelings, she decided to emphasize the partner placement aspect of the appointment.  She also made the announcement at the very end of the meeting, which meant if anyone had questions they had to direct their questions to her or to me.  I am happy to say that, despite my extreme nervousness, the announcement was received fairly positively.  I did get a few questions about logistics, but mostly my colleagues congratulated me.  Several stopped me to tell me that they see this as a good thing for the program.  Having another full-time t-t faculty member definitely gives the program more validity, which, in turn, increases the likelihood that those who are eligible could receive similar appointments.

I'm really happy that most everyone seemed positive.  I'm still a bit concerned how things will change in the fall once my appointment formally begins, but for now, it looks like the transition will be fairly smooth.