Wonderful readers, I have a rhetorical question for you. Let's say you have a dear friend who is struggling to improve a certain aspect of hir life. Let's also say that you have observed certain things about your friend's actions and behavior that are possibly hindering hir struggle, things that the friend is clearly not conscious of. Finally, let's say that you think that if your friend were more aware of these actions and behaviors, your friend might be able to address said struggles more fully. Would you point out these actions and behaviors, knowing the friend might not take it well and that you maybe doing permanent damage to your friendship? Or would you mind your own business?
*Note: we'll assume that none of these behaviors are life threatening to the friend or anyone else.
6 comments:
How close am I to the person? I have "levels" of friends--I think we all do--some that are closer than others. My closest best friends would totally expect me to call them out on things, as they would for me. They might get mad but time passes and it's ok. Other friends might be less likely to listen to me, but if I know who to talk to--say a mutal friend or relative--then I would talk to them.
Ex: my brother was going through a rough patch. At the time I knew that telling him what was holding him back wouldn't be well recieved. He just needed time. It was painful to watch, but I knew he needed the time and someone to just talk to, no matter how I really felt about it. Now he's doing much better.
My oldest friend recently called me out on my lack of sypathy for those around me. I was annonyed. (I already knew.) But hearing it from someone else helped, but it was all in how he did it.
Hmmm... I don't know, it depends on the relationship -- whether it's really important to you and whether you would be bothered to see it change.
Also, you should closely think about your motives. Do you want to express yourself because hir behavior bothers you or because you genuinely think it's in hir best interest.
Right now we're heavily trying to influence a very stubborn friend -- who lost his job last year and has refused to put his job on the market (also, his wife is thinking of divorcing him, she has been talking with us). so... clearly as very different situation than yours and one that warrants interference. Just my 2 cents! ;)
RL, a very close friend. And it isn't really a situation where I would be calling someone out. It's more like, "I have observed this. I'm not sure you realize it may be hindering you with X."
Lilian, the behavior doesn't affect me personally at all, so I don't get any benefit at all.
That's what I meant by calling out. Sorry I was using lingo hubby and I would use with each other w/o thinking! Can you spend some quality time with this person when you bring it up? Dinner or drinks or coffee and just let the conversation roll?
No, the conversation would have to be on the phone or via email for various reasons.
I would tell them, because that's just how I am, which probably indicates that it is not a good idea and you should keep your mouth shut.
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