This month has been punctuated by family visits for us. First Yetta and Pita were here, and then my sister and my nephew came for a long weekend. This week, as I wrote earlier, my mom is here.
Having family visit during the semester is always stressful, but certain family members are more stressful than others. Yetta is her own entity and she creates more havoc than I could convey in single post. Pita, while she keeps the boys (especially Wild Man) occupied, tends to leave a path of destruction in her wake (call me crazy, but I expect a 44-year-old to hang up her towel rather than leave a soaking wet towel on my bed). My sister is wonderful in terms of being helpful (she cooks and cleans), but her presence comes with a continuous commentary about how my house is dirty (um, yes, I have a full-time teaching job as does Archer, I'm on the job market, and I have two kids; my main priority is not making sure all the toy cars under the couch are put away every night), how my house is poorly decorated (suffice to say, I think my house is mostly lovely, but my sister doesn't like my penchant for real art or framed family photographs), and how I don't wear enough make up and need to color my hair to hide the gray (for reals, she says stuff like this). So the first two family visits of the month were stressful.
A visit from my mom brings its own stresses. But here is the primary reason why I'm glad my mom volunteered to help me out this week: she does stuff around the house without me asking her to and, most importantly, without judging me. In fact, this morning as I was getting ready to head to campus with the boys, she said, "Tell me how to work your vacuum. I'll vacuum the house for you. Oh, and where's you're sewing kit? I noticed when I was helping you put away laundry that one of your shirts needs to be fixed." Not only do I appreciate that she freely offered to do these things, I love that she didn't judge me in her offer.
Oh, and it's also nice that she hangs up her towel and makes her own bed.
Showing posts with label my mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my mom. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
My Mom
My mom is in town to help me with Bear and Wild Man as Archer is going out of town this week. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have asked anyone to come help for 2 nights, but Archer is gone the night I teach from 6 to 9. So I needed someone to give the boys dinner, bathe them, and get them to bed. My mom volunteered, and as I haven't seen her since July, it seemed like a good idea.
Every visit with my mom brings up lots of issues--some good, some bad. The first few days are about me negotiating the issues I have on my own so I can try to enjoy my time with my mom. I'm still in the process of doing that. I'm finding it somewhat easier this time, though, mainly because I'm trying to see my mom through Wild Man's eyes. My son knows nothing of my complicated relationship with my mom. He knows nothing of her bi-polar, of her tendency to over-medicate when she doesn't want to deal with the world, and of my associated trust issues. He only knows that Nana has come to visit, and he is completely enamored of her. Yesterday, while Bear napped and Archer and I both graded papers, my mom played Play-Dough with Wild Man for 2 hours. Then they played hide-n-seek outside. At bedtime, Wild Man demanded that Nana read the book we read every single night--the book that he reserves for me and refuses to let Archer read, the book that no one else has ever read to him. This morning he wanted Nana to take him to school, and when I reminded him that Nana will be picking him up at school tomorrow and she is a little nervous driving in our city and that he needs to help her out, he walked right over to her and hugged her. Then he said, "You can do it, Nana!" As he said that, I thought that I can do it too. I can let go of a lot of this baggage and focus on enjoying the relationship I have with my mom. It isn't perfect, and it does need work. I am often angry with her for various things, but she does love me. I need to focus on that more.
Some day, I'll thank my son for reminding me that sometimes I need to get over myself and focus on all the fun I can have with my mom.
Every visit with my mom brings up lots of issues--some good, some bad. The first few days are about me negotiating the issues I have on my own so I can try to enjoy my time with my mom. I'm still in the process of doing that. I'm finding it somewhat easier this time, though, mainly because I'm trying to see my mom through Wild Man's eyes. My son knows nothing of my complicated relationship with my mom. He knows nothing of her bi-polar, of her tendency to over-medicate when she doesn't want to deal with the world, and of my associated trust issues. He only knows that Nana has come to visit, and he is completely enamored of her. Yesterday, while Bear napped and Archer and I both graded papers, my mom played Play-Dough with Wild Man for 2 hours. Then they played hide-n-seek outside. At bedtime, Wild Man demanded that Nana read the book we read every single night--the book that he reserves for me and refuses to let Archer read, the book that no one else has ever read to him. This morning he wanted Nana to take him to school, and when I reminded him that Nana will be picking him up at school tomorrow and she is a little nervous driving in our city and that he needs to help her out, he walked right over to her and hugged her. Then he said, "You can do it, Nana!" As he said that, I thought that I can do it too. I can let go of a lot of this baggage and focus on enjoying the relationship I have with my mom. It isn't perfect, and it does need work. I am often angry with her for various things, but she does love me. I need to focus on that more.
Some day, I'll thank my son for reminding me that sometimes I need to get over myself and focus on all the fun I can have with my mom.
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