Sarah over at Mommy, Ph.D. has introduced me to the Focus on Family website, especially its discussion of working mothers. I'm so flabbergasted that I can't even speak, let alone write a coherent response. James Dobson (who has a Ph.D. in child psychology) writes "The issue, then, is not whether a woman should choose a career and be a mother, too. Of course she has that right, and it is nobody's business but hers and her husband's. I would simply plead that you not allow your family to get sucked into that black hole of exhaustion. However you choose to divide the responsibilities of working and family management, reserve some time and energy for yourselves -- and for each other. Your children deserve the best that you can give them, too."
I always want to throttle anyone who makes statments like this. He assumes it is a choice. We couldn't survive if only one of us worked, even if we weren't both working on advanced degrees. I know very, very few families that could. And his statement regarding fathers is antiquated and offensive. Most fathers I know, including C, work just as hard as I do to give their children the best while trying to fulfill their own needs.
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To be honest, I think that most families, including mine, could survive on one income--it would mean a very different lifestyle, but it would be possible. I work because I choose to work. This career is for me and my own satisfaction, not to support my family. Many people, not just FOF, deny the fact that women WANT to work, not just HAVE to work, and that's okay.
My problem with the choice rhetoric is that he pretends to be open to the notion of choice while very clearly implying that only one choice is the right one. The other choice, the choice to have a career and be a mother, is not only wrong but dangerous and selfish. I, of course, disagree. Being a working mother IS exhausting, but so is being a stay-at-home mom. My choice is the right one for my family and I don't believe that I am cheating my child or my spouse out of the best of me because I don't think I could be my best if I did not have my career.
To clarify, I mean it's okay to want to work, not it's okay for people to deny that possibility.
Harrogate appreciates, and to an extent agrees, with the metaphysics and the spirit of what ye both have signed on to in this thread. Still he feels it necessary to warn that the ground ye both tread has holes, or at least very thin spots in it.
Not all salaries are the same. Some parents work for minimum wage, or similarly low hourly pay. Such family situationd pretty much mandate two people working.
And so, on an anecdotal level at least, when Christian leaders in America with megaphones like Dobson run their big fat mouths about how only one parent should work, they're merely offending those of us lucky enough to be either: Not Christian or Bourgeois.
But these same people do more significant harm to working class American Christian parents. Do working mothers from this demographic really need such a kick in gut, in any case? But then, maybe if good Christians like Dobson actually supported Progressive Taxation and National Health Care, maybe then they could at least PRETEND they have the interests of such families at heart. As it stands it's sort of like the OJ jurist said, garbage in, garbage out.
I'm going to have to agree with Harrogate on this one. While I agree that I have chosen to work and that I enjoy my work, I also know that if I weren't doing what I'm doing I would still have to work to help support my family. I choose to do what I do b/c I love it, but I have had several jobs that I don't love out of necessity.
That said, I do agree that I would choose to work no matter what our financial circumstances are. Once C has a tenure-track position and is bringing in the "big" bucks, I will still work.
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