Mothering two boys; or, When is nudity no longer appropriate?

Archer and I were married for six years before Wild Man was born.  Prior to getting married, we were in a long distance relationship for two and a half years.  Immediately after getting married, we lived with my parents for two months.  By the time we were in our own apartment, we were more than ready to take full advantage of being in our own space together.  For six years, I didn't have to worry about putting on a robe when I walked from the bathroom to the bedroom.  I would strip out of running clothes in the kitchen and make dinner in my sports bra.  I would pull off my shirt and bra and throw them directly into the washing machine.  On really hot days while we were living in Southwest College Town, Archer would come home to find me in my underwear lying directly beneath the air conditioning vent.  Suffice to say, I have no problems walking around our house naked, and neither does Archer.

After Wild Man was born, my attitude toward nudity didn't really change.  I was breast feeding, and I was exhausted.  I doubt I have a single friend, male or female, from Southwest College Town who hasn't seen my breasts, and frankly I didn't--and don't--care.  While lots of my friends were hesitant to let their children of the opposite sex see them naked, I honestly never thought about it.  Wild Man was colicky, and for the first three months of his life he cried for 3 or 4 hours straight every night.  One of the very few things that soothed him was the shower, something we discovered by total chance.  Archer was showering one evening while Wild Man screamed.  I was simply unable to take it anymore, so I took all of his clothes off and handed him to Archer.  I expected him to cry louder--even though that seemed impossible at the time--but I didn't really care.  I just needed five minutes to myself.  Amazingly, however, as Archer held Wild Man under the shower, he relaxed.  As long as he could feel the spray hitting his back, he was calm.  I was delighted to see my newborn so calm, so I joined them in the shower.  Thus began a nightly ritual. 

By the time Wild Man was six months old, we were no longer showering with him every day, but at least two or three nights a week one of us would plop him down in the tub and turn on the shower.  While I washed, Wild Man would play in the spray, and then I'd wash him.  Then Archer would take him out and dry him off while I got dressed.  When Archer was on the job market and gone two or three nights a week, every week for almost two months, showering with Wild Man became the only way I could ensure we both got a bath before midnight.  Wild Man got accustomed to seeing me naked, and I didn't think much of changing my clothes in front of him or taking a bath with him.  When Bear was born, we took him into the shower as well, and while he wasn't colicky, he enjoyed feeling the spray on his back as much as Wild Man did.

In the past few months, Archer and I have been talking about whether it is still appropriate for Wild Man to see me naked.  This has been a difficult conversation to have for a few reasons.  First, we only have one full bathroom, so often while I'm showering in the morning, Archer and the boys are brushing their teeth too.  Second, my children think seeing their parents naked is normal.  Wild Man rarely comments on it, except for the few times he has asked why my body is different than his.  I didn't want to change things unless we absolutely had to.  Plus, I enjoy the freedom of being able to walk from the bathroom to the bedroom without putting a robe on or getting fully dressed.  A few weeks ago, however, it became very clear that somethings were going to have to change around our house.

We were getting ready to go to the pool.  While Archer put sunscreen on the boys, I was changing into my suit.  Wild Man walked into our bedroom just as I had taken off my bra, and he said, "Mommy, you have such beautiful boobies!"  I quickly put on my suit, and then I sat down with Wild Man for a chat.  I tried as carefully as I could to explain that that isn't a sentiment one expresses to one's mother.  We then had a quick talk about bodies and how bodies are private.  I left it at that, but from that day on, I've been wearing a robe and keeping the door to the bathroom closed.  I've asked Wild Man to knock before entering, simply explaining that "Mommy wants some privacy."  I thought we were past the hard part until this past weekend.

Friday evening, while we were at the pool (I'm seriously rethinking our decision to get a family membership to the neighborhood pool), Wild Man said, "Mommy, what do you call a girl's penis?"  This seemed like a simple enough question, so I answered.  The rest of the conversation proved both hilarious and enlightening.

WM: S (a girl in Wild Man's daycare class) showed me her vagina the other day.

M: She did?  While you all were in the bathroom? (The bathroom in their classroom has three sinks and three toilets and no doors; the boys and girls are allowed in there at the same time.)

WM: Yes,  it was right before lunch.  Can I ask you something?

M: Sure, what?

WM:  How come S's vagina is prettier than yours?  (At this point, Archer, who was changing Bear out of his swim diaper, had to turn away so Wild Man wouldn't see him laughing uncontrollably.)

M: What do you mean?

WM: Well, yours is all furry, and S's isn't.

Following that statement, we had a brief conversation about the differences between children's bodies and adults' bodies.  Archer took over at that point because I was also struggling not to laugh.  Archer explained that bodies have "private parts."  He explained that Wild Man should keep his "private parts" to himself and that, if he doesn't want to see his friends' "private parts," he should tell them that when they are in the bathroom together.  Wild Man was satisfied with this, and he hasn't mentioned it since.

I, however, am over analyzing as I am apt to do.  I understand that children this age (he's almost 5) are curious about their bodies, and I also realize this was very likely to happen even if I hadn't been open with being naked in front of Wild Man.  But the reality is, I have two sons.  And in light of these recent events, I'm wondering if I shouldn't be more modest around Bear, who is 2.  I like that my children are comfortable with their bodies, and I do think that is, at least in part, due to the fact that Archer and I have never really talked about nudity.  Neither of us has ever drawn much attention to being naked in front of them; it just happens at our house.  So they see it as normal.  But now that Wild Man is asking questions I am wondering if I should have stopped showering with and changing my clothes in front of him sooner.  When is nudity no longer appropriate?