As I've been writing, I am having a hard time transitioning back to full time work. In some ways, it seems odd for me to write that. I never stopped working. While on mat leave with George, I wrote 2 conference papers, attended 2 conferences, wrote an essay for an anthology, co-edited said anthology, and co-wrote introduction for said anthology. I submitted the anthology to a publisher, along with two colleagues, and said anthology is now under contract with a reputable academic press. I devised a project and wrote a grant for said project, which was funded. I did a lot while I was on mat leave. But I wasn't teaching. I wasn't going to meetings, which seem endless this time of year. I wasn't answering student emails. I wasn't doing a lot of things that I'm doing now. I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to be the kind of academic, the kind of mother, and the kind of partner to Archer that I want to be.
Here is where I'm supposed to write something pithy about finding balance. Well, I happen to think balance is bullshit. I do. It is impossible to achieve any sort of balance. Things fall through the cracks. It just happens. I do--Archer and I do the best we can. We try to make sure we talk to each other for 5 minutes a day. We try to find 5 minutes a day for each kid. We try not to go crazy because the house is a wreck. We try to focus on the fact that we're doing well in our jobs and that our kids are happy and healthy. I, especially, try to focus on that. I'm still struggling. I expect I will continue to struggle until this routine feels normal, whatever that means. In the mean time, I'm not worried about balance. I'm taking things one day at a time.
Showing posts with label Bear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bear. Show all posts
Monday, September 16, 2013
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Personal, Professional
I am officially back at work, as I've written about extensively. I am also officially back in the classroom. This has had profound affects on me personally and professionally.
Professionally, I'm happy. I have taught this week (for the first time in 16 months), and I enjoyed it. I love teaching, and I know I'm good at it. I like getting students interested, and I am able to get them to respond to things they may not otherwise respond to. I am happy with the content of my classes, and I can already tell that most of my students are genuinely interested in the material and will be open to discussion. I am also getting research and writing done, which makes me really happy. It's slow, as writing often is, but it's happening.
Personally, I'm struggling a bit. George started child care full time last week; he now goes every weekday. He enjoys it, and he is doing well in his class. I found it really hard not to have a great deal of one on one time with him, though. I had to sneak in quiet minutes with each of the boys, actually, and that was hard to do. I managed, but given the nature of our weekly schedule, I don't get big chunks of time with each of them as I did while I was on leave. I am finding the transition of the full-time work groove to be more difficult than I anticipated. I've cried every day this week about how the days have gone from fairly relaxed with lots of time to get necessary tasks accomplished to schedule driven. It's more difficult than I anticipated. I am, however, following the advice of a dear friend and giving it time. I'm trying to keep my expectations realistic and to not judge myself for being upset. I'm not so good at either of those things.
Professionally, I'm happy. I have taught this week (for the first time in 16 months), and I enjoyed it. I love teaching, and I know I'm good at it. I like getting students interested, and I am able to get them to respond to things they may not otherwise respond to. I am happy with the content of my classes, and I can already tell that most of my students are genuinely interested in the material and will be open to discussion. I am also getting research and writing done, which makes me really happy. It's slow, as writing often is, but it's happening.
Personally, I'm struggling a bit. George started child care full time last week; he now goes every weekday. He enjoys it, and he is doing well in his class. I found it really hard not to have a great deal of one on one time with him, though. I had to sneak in quiet minutes with each of the boys, actually, and that was hard to do. I managed, but given the nature of our weekly schedule, I don't get big chunks of time with each of them as I did while I was on leave. I am finding the transition of the full-time work groove to be more difficult than I anticipated. I've cried every day this week about how the days have gone from fairly relaxed with lots of time to get necessary tasks accomplished to schedule driven. It's more difficult than I anticipated. I am, however, following the advice of a dear friend and giving it time. I'm trying to keep my expectations realistic and to not judge myself for being upset. I'm not so good at either of those things.
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
First Day, Part 2
This morning Archer and I took Bear to his first day of Junior Kindergarten. He was nervous, so nervous that he refused to look at the camera when we tried to take a picture of him in his first day outfit. He didn't, however, cry. He was quiet and a bit withdrawn, but he did what we asked him. He put his backpack where his teacher told him, and he stood in line quietly. He did give us each about 5 hugs and kisses, but there was no drama. I won't go so far as to say he was happy, but he was prepared. He knew what was coming, and he did what we needed him to do without complaint. I managed to not cry in front of him (thank goodness for sunglasses!).
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
First Day of School, Part 1
Today is Wild Man's first day of Grade 2 (as we say in CU Land). He happily rode the bus, and he informed Archer and me that we didn't need to meet him at school as we did last year. He said, "I know what to do now, Mom. Don't worry." But I do worry. Even as I worry, I must acknowledge that he is growing into a thoughtful, sensitive child. He has his moments, to be sure, but most of the time, he shows us that he is maturing and growing up. I'm really proud of the person he's becoming. While I will always love him, I genuinely like him as a person.
Tomorrow Bear starts Junior Kindergarten. This morning, he is hanging out in my office, coloring, while I try to get some work done. We're going to lunch later, and then we may do something special just the two of us. I imagine that I'll be writing a much different post tomorrow, one in which I describe how Bear refused to go to his teacher and how I sobbed when I had to leave him. For now, I'll enjoy listening to his chatter while I finish my syllabi.
Tomorrow Bear starts Junior Kindergarten. This morning, he is hanging out in my office, coloring, while I try to get some work done. We're going to lunch later, and then we may do something special just the two of us. I imagine that I'll be writing a much different post tomorrow, one in which I describe how Bear refused to go to his teacher and how I sobbed when I had to leave him. For now, I'll enjoy listening to his chatter while I finish my syllabi.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Changes
In two weeks, Wild Man and Bear start school, Wild Man as a second grader and Bear as a Junior Kindergartener. That week George starts childcare full time, and my time as a stay-at-home mom officially ends (although it technically ended in May when my mat leave ended, George has only been in childcare part time, making me feel like I am still a stay-at-home mom in some ways). I'm feeling really conflicted about these impending changes.
On one level, I'm thoroughly enjoying watching my children flourish. Bear, in particular, has grown a lot this summer. In spite of some initial bumps, he has thrived in day camp. He has become much more independent, and Archer and I are both confident he will excel at kindergarten. Wild Man has proven to us that he is becoming a mature, responsible child. He has taken to the role of older sibling without hesitation, and he is increasingly asking for more responsibility. He loves looking out for his brothers (as much as he loves tormenting them, as is an older sibling's right, I suppose), and they have come to depend on him a great deal. George is settling into child care, and while he may be the most serious and observant of our children, he is slowly claiming a place for himself amongst the babies in his group. I'm proud of how they have adapted and their willingness to try to things. I think this speaks to mine and Archer's ability to instill confidence in them.
On another level, I'm sad that I won't be working from home most days, that I will be back to "balancing" work and home life. I'm sad that I can't just hang out at the park all day if I want to. I realize this will change. I know myself well enough to know that by next week I will be excited for the start of the school year, that I will be energized about my courses and new projects. But today, and likely for the next few days, I just want to hunker down with my boys and squeeze the last few moments out of the summer.
On one level, I'm thoroughly enjoying watching my children flourish. Bear, in particular, has grown a lot this summer. In spite of some initial bumps, he has thrived in day camp. He has become much more independent, and Archer and I are both confident he will excel at kindergarten. Wild Man has proven to us that he is becoming a mature, responsible child. He has taken to the role of older sibling without hesitation, and he is increasingly asking for more responsibility. He loves looking out for his brothers (as much as he loves tormenting them, as is an older sibling's right, I suppose), and they have come to depend on him a great deal. George is settling into child care, and while he may be the most serious and observant of our children, he is slowly claiming a place for himself amongst the babies in his group. I'm proud of how they have adapted and their willingness to try to things. I think this speaks to mine and Archer's ability to instill confidence in them.
On another level, I'm sad that I won't be working from home most days, that I will be back to "balancing" work and home life. I'm sad that I can't just hang out at the park all day if I want to. I realize this will change. I know myself well enough to know that by next week I will be excited for the start of the school year, that I will be energized about my courses and new projects. But today, and likely for the next few days, I just want to hunker down with my boys and squeeze the last few moments out of the summer.
Tuesday, July 02, 2013
A rough morning
Today Wild Man and Bear started the first in a series of day camps. Wild Man was excited. He anticipated seeing old friends (he went to the same program last year), and he was really excited to make new friends. He happily put his lunch box in his back pack, let me put sunscreen on him, and climbed into the car. Bear, well, Bear was more hesitant. You see, to prepare him for JK, Archer and I decided to take him out of daycare (the same daycare he's been attending since he was 6 months old) and send him to day camp with Wild Man. We've been talking about this with him for months, and some days he is really excited. Other days, not so much.
Yesterday, Bear helped me label all his things, and he told me what he wanted in his lunch box. We made a special trip to the store so he could pick out containers that he can open easily. We discussed how he needed to make all his food last for both lunch and afternoon snack. Wild Man assured Bear that he would help him. We talked about how all the kids get to go swimming in the afternoon, and I showed him where I put his towel and suit. He said he didn't want to go swimming, and Archer assured him that was okay. I said, we'll tell your camp teacher. You can sit out and watch the other kids till you're more comfortable. He seemed okay with that. In fact, he seemed okay until we got to camp. Wild Man, who is our social guy, quickly found three kids he knew, and he found a spot where he could sit with Bear. He encouraged Bear to sit beside him, and he even offered to hold his hand. Bear, however, was having none of it. I literally had to peel him off of me. I took him to a quiet spot and reminded him that his teachers have my phone number and his dad's. I also reminded him that we're only 5 minutes away (the day camps are held on CU's campus) and that his dad was going to have lunch with them today. He told me that he didn't want to go and refused to let go of me. Finally, one of the teachers, a very nice young man, came over and introduced himself to Bear. He told Bear how much fun they were going to have, and then he took Bear from me, who started crying at that point. I hugged him one more time, and then Archer and I left. As we drove away, we saw Bear sitting in his teacher's lap trying not to cry, while Wild Man rubbed his back.
I'm struggling to get any work done this morning as I keep thinking about Bear. He does not handle new situations well, which is precisely why we wanted him to go to camp to prepare for JK. I hope that the day improves for him, and that he grows to like camp. I'm worrying about next Monday because the boys are in different programs starting next week. Really, I just want to go find my kid and hug him. I really hate it when I know I've made the right decision for my child, but that decision makes my child upset.
Yesterday, Bear helped me label all his things, and he told me what he wanted in his lunch box. We made a special trip to the store so he could pick out containers that he can open easily. We discussed how he needed to make all his food last for both lunch and afternoon snack. Wild Man assured Bear that he would help him. We talked about how all the kids get to go swimming in the afternoon, and I showed him where I put his towel and suit. He said he didn't want to go swimming, and Archer assured him that was okay. I said, we'll tell your camp teacher. You can sit out and watch the other kids till you're more comfortable. He seemed okay with that. In fact, he seemed okay until we got to camp. Wild Man, who is our social guy, quickly found three kids he knew, and he found a spot where he could sit with Bear. He encouraged Bear to sit beside him, and he even offered to hold his hand. Bear, however, was having none of it. I literally had to peel him off of me. I took him to a quiet spot and reminded him that his teachers have my phone number and his dad's. I also reminded him that we're only 5 minutes away (the day camps are held on CU's campus) and that his dad was going to have lunch with them today. He told me that he didn't want to go and refused to let go of me. Finally, one of the teachers, a very nice young man, came over and introduced himself to Bear. He told Bear how much fun they were going to have, and then he took Bear from me, who started crying at that point. I hugged him one more time, and then Archer and I left. As we drove away, we saw Bear sitting in his teacher's lap trying not to cry, while Wild Man rubbed his back.
I'm struggling to get any work done this morning as I keep thinking about Bear. He does not handle new situations well, which is precisely why we wanted him to go to camp to prepare for JK. I hope that the day improves for him, and that he grows to like camp. I'm worrying about next Monday because the boys are in different programs starting next week. Really, I just want to go find my kid and hug him. I really hate it when I know I've made the right decision for my child, but that decision makes my child upset.
Monday, June 03, 2013
Church
In the past 3 months, Archer and I have started taking our boys to church. I haven't attended church regularly since, well, ever. My father is a lapsed Catholic, and my mother was Presbyterian. We didn't go to church unless we were visiting my mother's parents. Even attending church then was a big deal, at least for my mom. My dad never went, not even out of respect to my grandparents, which was upsetting to everyone. My mom went occasionally, but her visits were usually prompted by lengthy guilt trips on the part of my grandmother. As an adult, I would go with my grandparents when I visited them. It meant a lot to them, and as it was really no hardship to me, I went. I rarely discussed religion with my grandparents though as it was hard for me to explain that I see religion much differently than they did. It was easier just to go than to debate the finer points of theology.
Recently, Wild Man has started asking questions about religion, questions that Archer and I are really unprepared to answer. We can't answer, in part, because we're not sure what we believe, and we can't answer some questions because we simply don't know enough about Christianity to answer. So we've started attending church to give our children some sort of religious grounding, to combat our own ignorance, to feel more connected to our community, and to figure out what we believe in. I know there are lots of people out there who will likely be offended for our reasons, but I can't honestly say I feel called to go to church. I haven't been divinely inspired or anything like that. I really just want to learn more, and I also want to be able to help my children find their way.
You see, I feel like my parents did my siblings and I a huge disservice by not educating us about religion. We never discussed religion in my house when I was a child. If religion came up, it was only when my father openly derided anyone who was religious for his or her hypocrisy (he never explained how religious people were hypocritical, just insisted they were). What I know about Christianity, Islam, and Judaism is what I've gleaned on my own. I've read some religious texts, and I am familiar with the Bible (I have to be given the period that I study). I took a few religious studies courses in college out of interest, and I read a lot. By virtue of all that I am not completely ignorant about religion. But I don't feel like I can adequately answer my children's questions about religion. I want my children to have a religious background because I want them to have something to reject. I want them to be able to say, with confidence, I believe in X, but I don't believe in Y. I want that, in part, because I can't do that. I know so little about theology and doctrine that I don't really know what I believe. So we're going to church and I've been reading some spiritual narratives. I'm still not sure what I think, but I find comfort in knowing what other people believe, in knowing that I'm not the only one with questions.
I am also really enjoying the church we're going to. It was recommended by some friends, and the congregation and ministers (they are a husband and wife) have been really welcoming. They have also given us a lot of space to get used to things. No one has called us at home or tried to visit us. Both ministers have offered to talk to us "when we're ready," but no one has pressured us. That has been nice, comforting even. I appreciate that they recognize that we're trying to figure this out for our family and not trying to strong arm us into anything (which has been my experience with very religious friends in the past). It also helps that we've specifically chosen a denomination that is very liberal and open-minded. This specific church is also very welcoming of children. No one cares when George starts jabbering during the middle of the sermon--and I mean he jabbered so loudly that he made the minister laugh mid-sermon. No one cares if Bear comes to church in his slippers--seriously, I have bigger battles to fight than getting the kid into "real" shoes. And no one cares when Wild Man stops the ministers during "Children's Corner" to ask a doctrinal issue--why can't I take communion yet? I don't know if this church will become my spiritual home, but I do know this church has welcomed me and my family while allowing us to get acclimated and to determine how involved we want to be. For that, I'm grateful.
Recently, Wild Man has started asking questions about religion, questions that Archer and I are really unprepared to answer. We can't answer, in part, because we're not sure what we believe, and we can't answer some questions because we simply don't know enough about Christianity to answer. So we've started attending church to give our children some sort of religious grounding, to combat our own ignorance, to feel more connected to our community, and to figure out what we believe in. I know there are lots of people out there who will likely be offended for our reasons, but I can't honestly say I feel called to go to church. I haven't been divinely inspired or anything like that. I really just want to learn more, and I also want to be able to help my children find their way.
You see, I feel like my parents did my siblings and I a huge disservice by not educating us about religion. We never discussed religion in my house when I was a child. If religion came up, it was only when my father openly derided anyone who was religious for his or her hypocrisy (he never explained how religious people were hypocritical, just insisted they were). What I know about Christianity, Islam, and Judaism is what I've gleaned on my own. I've read some religious texts, and I am familiar with the Bible (I have to be given the period that I study). I took a few religious studies courses in college out of interest, and I read a lot. By virtue of all that I am not completely ignorant about religion. But I don't feel like I can adequately answer my children's questions about religion. I want my children to have a religious background because I want them to have something to reject. I want them to be able to say, with confidence, I believe in X, but I don't believe in Y. I want that, in part, because I can't do that. I know so little about theology and doctrine that I don't really know what I believe. So we're going to church and I've been reading some spiritual narratives. I'm still not sure what I think, but I find comfort in knowing what other people believe, in knowing that I'm not the only one with questions.
I am also really enjoying the church we're going to. It was recommended by some friends, and the congregation and ministers (they are a husband and wife) have been really welcoming. They have also given us a lot of space to get used to things. No one has called us at home or tried to visit us. Both ministers have offered to talk to us "when we're ready," but no one has pressured us. That has been nice, comforting even. I appreciate that they recognize that we're trying to figure this out for our family and not trying to strong arm us into anything (which has been my experience with very religious friends in the past). It also helps that we've specifically chosen a denomination that is very liberal and open-minded. This specific church is also very welcoming of children. No one cares when George starts jabbering during the middle of the sermon--and I mean he jabbered so loudly that he made the minister laugh mid-sermon. No one cares if Bear comes to church in his slippers--seriously, I have bigger battles to fight than getting the kid into "real" shoes. And no one cares when Wild Man stops the ministers during "Children's Corner" to ask a doctrinal issue--why can't I take communion yet? I don't know if this church will become my spiritual home, but I do know this church has welcomed me and my family while allowing us to get acclimated and to determine how involved we want to be. For that, I'm grateful.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Productivity
Since dropping George and Bear off at daycare this morning, I've managed to finish a large section of a paper that has been dogging me for almost two months. This paper is the culmination of a project I started with two colleagues over a year ago. It has been an exciting process as it has allowed me to work in an area I find intriguing but know almost nothing about. For that reason--at least I'm blaming it on that--I have really struggled with this essay. In fact, writing it has been more painful than writing my dissertation. But now, I'm almost finished. In fact, I can now see the finish line. That makes taking George to daycare just a little bit easier.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Conflicted. . .
that is the word that best describes how I am feeling today. In fact, it best describes how I've felt for a week or so now. I know why, more or less. My mat leave officially ends next week. I say officially because I timed my leave with the start and end of classes; thus, I don't go back into the classroom until September as the Winter semester at CU ends April 11th. My responsibilities to my departments will be relatively light: end of the year meetings, faculty development retreats, and evaluating transcripts. I have to finish adapting one of my courses to teach as an on-line course, but I have much of that done already. I have two essays I need to finish revising and submit, and my goal is to have both under review by August 15th. But given all this, I don't expect much will change, at least not till exams are over. So I have another six weeks or so in which I will primarily be a stay-at-home mom. George is slated to go into daycare part-time sometime at the end of April or beginning of May, depending on when a spot is available.
I know this is a great situation. I know I've been really lucky this year. I like my job, and I know I'll be happy once I go back to work. But I'm still conflicted. I didn't expect to like staying home as much as I do. I haven't longed for "adult" conversations, the way so many people told me I would. I've enjoyed making muffins with Bear and just hanging out with George. I've liked meeting Wild Man at the bus stop almost every day and listening to him describe his day. I've found a groove of sorts, and now I have to find a new groove, one that will be infinitely more complicated and focused on schedules--at least by September.
And on the other hand, it will be good to have more than 45 minutes at a time to work, to know my work time is my work time, and that my time with my kids doesn't have to be so split. I think I'd feel less conflicted if the last few weeks I hadn't been so focused on getting an essay done. I've been writing in snatches, but most every free minute is devoted to trying to get this thing finished. As I wrote before, it is slow going, which is frustrating. I know I am ready to have time to focus on work. But dropping George off at daycare the first day will be infinitely harder than it was to take Wild Man or Bear, and neither of those days were what I'd describe as easy.
I know this is a great situation. I know I've been really lucky this year. I like my job, and I know I'll be happy once I go back to work. But I'm still conflicted. I didn't expect to like staying home as much as I do. I haven't longed for "adult" conversations, the way so many people told me I would. I've enjoyed making muffins with Bear and just hanging out with George. I've liked meeting Wild Man at the bus stop almost every day and listening to him describe his day. I've found a groove of sorts, and now I have to find a new groove, one that will be infinitely more complicated and focused on schedules--at least by September.
And on the other hand, it will be good to have more than 45 minutes at a time to work, to know my work time is my work time, and that my time with my kids doesn't have to be so split. I think I'd feel less conflicted if the last few weeks I hadn't been so focused on getting an essay done. I've been writing in snatches, but most every free minute is devoted to trying to get this thing finished. As I wrote before, it is slow going, which is frustrating. I know I am ready to have time to focus on work. But dropping George off at daycare the first day will be infinitely harder than it was to take Wild Man or Bear, and neither of those days were what I'd describe as easy.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
A big deal
For the past ten days Bear has gone poop on the potty rather than in a pull-up. This is a big deal in our house, a really big deal.
Thursday, September 06, 2012
Stay-at-home Mom
Starting today, that is officially what I'll be until late-May. My leave officially starts on Saturday, but Archer starts teaching today. He'll be working from home a bit, but most days I'll be on my own with George. Archer will be here in the mornings, of course, but M-W he'll leave by 8:30 to go to campus, dropping Bear off at daycare on the way. He'll be here a bit longer Thursday mornings, but when he does leave, I'll be on my own with George and Bear till 3:15, when I'll load them up into my nifty jogging stroller to pick Wild Man up at the bus stop. Archer won't get home till 5:30ish most Thursdays as he teaches a late afternoon class. Fridays haven't been worked out. He doesn't teach, and he'll likely take the lead for a few hours every morning so I can try to get some writing done. I do expect that he'll have to go to campus some weeks, though.
How is the first morning going? Well, Archer took Wild Man to the bus stop. When he got home, we loaded up George and Bear into the jogging stroller and took a long walk (we're both trying to get back into shape). When we got home, he kept George occupied while Bear colored so I could take a quick shower. Then I read stories to Bear while nursing George. After Archer left, I talked Bear into using the potty (we're potty training, and while it's going well, he can hold it for a long time. I have to bribe him to go on the potty). As a reward for going, I'm letting him watch an episode of The Backyardigans, and George is napping. I've done some routine stuff, like washed the dishes and answered emails. I'm contemplating what to make for lunch, as it will likely be easier to make lunch while George is napping. After that I embark on what could be the most difficult part of the day--trying to get Bear to take a nap. Sometimes he naps, and sometimes he doesn't. If he doesn't, the day will be much, much longer for all of us. I'm hoping to get into some sort of a routine in a few weeks, but a lot of that depends on George. I'm a little worried about keeping Bear occupied while nursing George as much as I do. I expect I'll be nursing while playing cars and putting puzzles together a lot in the next few weeks.
How is the first morning going? Well, Archer took Wild Man to the bus stop. When he got home, we loaded up George and Bear into the jogging stroller and took a long walk (we're both trying to get back into shape). When we got home, he kept George occupied while Bear colored so I could take a quick shower. Then I read stories to Bear while nursing George. After Archer left, I talked Bear into using the potty (we're potty training, and while it's going well, he can hold it for a long time. I have to bribe him to go on the potty). As a reward for going, I'm letting him watch an episode of The Backyardigans, and George is napping. I've done some routine stuff, like washed the dishes and answered emails. I'm contemplating what to make for lunch, as it will likely be easier to make lunch while George is napping. After that I embark on what could be the most difficult part of the day--trying to get Bear to take a nap. Sometimes he naps, and sometimes he doesn't. If he doesn't, the day will be much, much longer for all of us. I'm hoping to get into some sort of a routine in a few weeks, but a lot of that depends on George. I'm a little worried about keeping Bear occupied while nursing George as much as I do. I expect I'll be nursing while playing cars and putting puzzles together a lot in the next few weeks.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Clutter and unnecessary remarks
Over the last few weeks, both my mother and Archer's mother have called to check on me. With Yetta, I keep it simple. I tell her I'm tired, but fine; we're all adjusting well, and no, we don't need anything. That's my standard line, whether it's true or not. With my mom, I'm a bit more honest. In fact, yesterday I was not having a good day. It had nothing to do with my children and everything to do with the clutter that was threatening to consume my house.
You see, Archer, as wonderful as he is, isn't great about putting things away. He routinely fixes something and then leaves his screwdriver lying on the kitchen counter for 3 weeks. That is one example; I could name many others. I have grown to accept this as a flaw that I cannot fix. I've tried. I've tried nagging; I've tried behavior modification; I've tried everything. So usually I just put the stuff away. It's easier. If I get really irritated, I pick it all up and dump it on his desk for him to put away. And rather than put it away, he will push it aside so he can access his papers and his keyboard. This leads to lots of minor arguments. I put something away, and he's sure he left it on top of the refrigerator (which is, apparently, an optimal spot to store tools, loose batteries, belts). He goes to locate said item, and when he finally deigns to ask me if I know where it is, I tell him, "I put it in your toolbox in the basement because, you know, that's where your tools go." He then gets irritated because he has to go to the basement to get said object, and I'm irritated because if he just put it away in the first place we wouldn't have this discussion for the 9 millionth time.
Add to that the fact that we have two children who have free reign over the house and that their puzzles, books, cars, and Legos often end up in places where they don't belong. Oh, and let's not forget all the ephemera that accompanies a new born--burp cloths, blankets, socks, and the like. Yes, my house was more than a bit cluttered.
Typically I take an hour on Saturday and put things away. It is the most efficient way I've come up with as I can't retrain my entire family (although Wild Man and Bear are well on their way to putting their things away at the end of the day) nor can I hire a professional organizer. I don't mind either. But George has made this almost impossible lately.
Yesterday I was at my wits end. I was tired and needed a nap, but more than that, I needed my house to be clean and de-cluttered for one day. I was less than pleasant as everyone and everything was preventing my plan for de-cluttering. I will not go into details, but I will say that Archer and I had discussed this plan on Saturday night. Thus, when I came downstairs to find Wild Man and Bear had dumped out their extensive Lego collection all over the living room and that Archer was napping with George rather than taking out the vacuum cleaner I was annoyed. My mom happened to call when I was finally able to get everyone to accomplish a specific task to de-clutter the house. I told her what was going on. She replied, "Well, M, you have three boys now; you may have to accept a certain amount of clutter, at least until George is older." I was so irritated with that comment that I changed the subject and then got off the phone.
Why was I irritated? My mom is absolutely right; for a while, at least, I'm going to have to deal with some clutter. Other things trump having a neat and tidy house. I can (and usually do) live with that. But every. single. time. I talk to her she reminds me that I now have three children. And I want to say, "Really? Three? When did that happen? Oh right, I do vaguely remember giving birth to the third. Thanks for the reminder, Mom." Yes, my impulse is to be snarky and sarcastic. But she says it very snarkily too. As though I should have realized life would be so hectic and chaotic when we decided to add a third child to our family. Yes, I'm being testy and a bit immature, but honestly, I could live without hearing that unnecessary remark ever again.
You see, Archer, as wonderful as he is, isn't great about putting things away. He routinely fixes something and then leaves his screwdriver lying on the kitchen counter for 3 weeks. That is one example; I could name many others. I have grown to accept this as a flaw that I cannot fix. I've tried. I've tried nagging; I've tried behavior modification; I've tried everything. So usually I just put the stuff away. It's easier. If I get really irritated, I pick it all up and dump it on his desk for him to put away. And rather than put it away, he will push it aside so he can access his papers and his keyboard. This leads to lots of minor arguments. I put something away, and he's sure he left it on top of the refrigerator (which is, apparently, an optimal spot to store tools, loose batteries, belts). He goes to locate said item, and when he finally deigns to ask me if I know where it is, I tell him, "I put it in your toolbox in the basement because, you know, that's where your tools go." He then gets irritated because he has to go to the basement to get said object, and I'm irritated because if he just put it away in the first place we wouldn't have this discussion for the 9 millionth time.
Add to that the fact that we have two children who have free reign over the house and that their puzzles, books, cars, and Legos often end up in places where they don't belong. Oh, and let's not forget all the ephemera that accompanies a new born--burp cloths, blankets, socks, and the like. Yes, my house was more than a bit cluttered.
Typically I take an hour on Saturday and put things away. It is the most efficient way I've come up with as I can't retrain my entire family (although Wild Man and Bear are well on their way to putting their things away at the end of the day) nor can I hire a professional organizer. I don't mind either. But George has made this almost impossible lately.
Yesterday I was at my wits end. I was tired and needed a nap, but more than that, I needed my house to be clean and de-cluttered for one day. I was less than pleasant as everyone and everything was preventing my plan for de-cluttering. I will not go into details, but I will say that Archer and I had discussed this plan on Saturday night. Thus, when I came downstairs to find Wild Man and Bear had dumped out their extensive Lego collection all over the living room and that Archer was napping with George rather than taking out the vacuum cleaner I was annoyed. My mom happened to call when I was finally able to get everyone to accomplish a specific task to de-clutter the house. I told her what was going on. She replied, "Well, M, you have three boys now; you may have to accept a certain amount of clutter, at least until George is older." I was so irritated with that comment that I changed the subject and then got off the phone.
Why was I irritated? My mom is absolutely right; for a while, at least, I'm going to have to deal with some clutter. Other things trump having a neat and tidy house. I can (and usually do) live with that. But every. single. time. I talk to her she reminds me that I now have three children. And I want to say, "Really? Three? When did that happen? Oh right, I do vaguely remember giving birth to the third. Thanks for the reminder, Mom." Yes, my impulse is to be snarky and sarcastic. But she says it very snarkily too. As though I should have realized life would be so hectic and chaotic when we decided to add a third child to our family. Yes, I'm being testy and a bit immature, but honestly, I could live without hearing that unnecessary remark ever again.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Quiet
All of our family visitors have left, and as odd as this sounds, our house is quiet again.* Yes, Wild Man and Bear make lots of noise, but it is noise I'm used to. Slowly we're settling into a routine. The hardest thing is that I'm nursing, and George is eating on demand. I can be in the middle of cooking dinner or reading to Bear, and I suddenly have to get Archer to take over. He is doing a lot of the heavy lifting, so to speak, and that is frustrating for both of us for various reasons. George is a laid-back baby, so that makes life a bit easier.
*At some point I'll describe Yetta's less than fun visit, but for now I'll just be glad to have my house back.
*At some point I'll describe Yetta's less than fun visit, but for now I'll just be glad to have my house back.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Trying to work
I've been trying to work for the last few weeks, with an emphasis on trying. I've got a lot of projects that are started, but aren't yet finished. I am fully aware that all work will stop for at least a month (if not longer) following the baby's birth, so I want to get as much done on these projects as possible. Here is a list of the things I'm working on:
- transforming conference paper into an article length paper
- drafting conference paper which I will present in October
- editing the job talk I recently gave into an article, which I hope to send out next week
- finishing a book review that is long overdue
- drafting a book proposal on an anthology I'm working on with two colleagues from grad school
- researching an idea I have for a book project
- outlining revisions I need to make to a dissertation chapter which I want to transform into an article
- revamping a course I routinely teach into an online course (this is the only project I will not try to work on at all when I'm on leave as, by union regulations, I cannot work on anything connected to my teaching)
Monday, June 25, 2012
Full Term
I am officially full term (37 weeks) today. Theoretically, the baby can come at any time now. We've spent the past two weeks getting prepared. I've washed and organized all the clothes. We've been shopping for furniture more times than I care to mention as we can't agree on anything. The baby's bag for the hospital is packed, and I've started throwing some things I will need into a bag. We've also put together an emergency kit in the event we have a home birth.* We're more or less prepared for the baby's arrival.
Archer even spent part of yesterday cleaning out our car and installing and rearranging car seats. We purchased two of these car seats, one for Bear and one for the baby. These car seats have steel frames, which makes it possible for the manufacturer to make them narrower. They are actually designed to fit three across. Wild Man will stay in his current car seat, although we may order him one of these. It isn't essential, as all three seats do fit in the back seat now, but one of these would allow us to put Wild Man in the middle rather than Bear. It is currently a bit difficult to get Bear buckled into his car seat. I have to perform a bit of acrobatics to buckle him while I'm in the front seat. Again, it's manageable, just not ideal. I'm also a little concerned about putting Bear right next to the baby. I have no idea how he will react to the baby. He is very excited about the idea of the baby, and he spends a bit of time every evening "talking" to the baby and "kissing" the baby. He really does seem to understand that my stomach will go away and a baby will just appear at the house one day. But the theory is much different than the reality. Wild Man is old enough to distract the baby during a car ride or to retrieve a pacifier or even to hold a bottle. Bear likely could do all of these things too, but he may also take out some frustration on the baby--poking eyes, pinching, and the like. I'd be more comfortable if Wild Man were right next to the baby. But with his current car seat that isn't possible for a variety of reasons. We've decided to see how Bear reacts to the baby and then go from there.
This evening we will put the bassinet we purchased back together (I got it second hand, so I washed all the bedding) and we will also put the bassinet for the stroller together (also purchased second hand). I need to spend some time sterilizing bottles and breast pump accessories (I gave mine away last summer, so I bought a new one off of eBay, at a reduced price). Once that is done, it is really a matter of waiting. I told Archer last night now that we've got everything organized (as organized as we can be, at least) I'll be a week late.
*As a side note, we've had several lengthy conversations about home births. I'm actually fine with having a home birth, but Archer, who is concerned about complications, is not. I do have fast labors, however. We both realize we may have a home birth, even if that is not what we intend, so we wanted to be prepared in the event that we aren't able to make it to the hospital.
Archer even spent part of yesterday cleaning out our car and installing and rearranging car seats. We purchased two of these car seats, one for Bear and one for the baby. These car seats have steel frames, which makes it possible for the manufacturer to make them narrower. They are actually designed to fit three across. Wild Man will stay in his current car seat, although we may order him one of these. It isn't essential, as all three seats do fit in the back seat now, but one of these would allow us to put Wild Man in the middle rather than Bear. It is currently a bit difficult to get Bear buckled into his car seat. I have to perform a bit of acrobatics to buckle him while I'm in the front seat. Again, it's manageable, just not ideal. I'm also a little concerned about putting Bear right next to the baby. I have no idea how he will react to the baby. He is very excited about the idea of the baby, and he spends a bit of time every evening "talking" to the baby and "kissing" the baby. He really does seem to understand that my stomach will go away and a baby will just appear at the house one day. But the theory is much different than the reality. Wild Man is old enough to distract the baby during a car ride or to retrieve a pacifier or even to hold a bottle. Bear likely could do all of these things too, but he may also take out some frustration on the baby--poking eyes, pinching, and the like. I'd be more comfortable if Wild Man were right next to the baby. But with his current car seat that isn't possible for a variety of reasons. We've decided to see how Bear reacts to the baby and then go from there.
This evening we will put the bassinet we purchased back together (I got it second hand, so I washed all the bedding) and we will also put the bassinet for the stroller together (also purchased second hand). I need to spend some time sterilizing bottles and breast pump accessories (I gave mine away last summer, so I bought a new one off of eBay, at a reduced price). Once that is done, it is really a matter of waiting. I told Archer last night now that we've got everything organized (as organized as we can be, at least) I'll be a week late.
*As a side note, we've had several lengthy conversations about home births. I'm actually fine with having a home birth, but Archer, who is concerned about complications, is not. I do have fast labors, however. We both realize we may have a home birth, even if that is not what we intend, so we wanted to be prepared in the event that we aren't able to make it to the hospital.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Updates
Summer is typically a time when I blog more, but the last few weeks have been taken up with a myriad of meetings, travel, and organization. I'm resorting to an updates post to get back in the swing of blogging.
- My contract finally came in. I am officially on a t-t line with a joint appointment in two departments that I never thought I'd be in, at least not permanently. In some ways this is a relief--I now have what so many of my grad school friends and colleagues are struggling to find: a tenure-track job. In other ways though, it is a reminder that the thing I had been promised for over a year didn't work out. I'm still coming to terms with that reality, it seems. I am going to have to recreate myself as a scholar, at least to some degree, which I'm more or less okay with.
- I'm currently 36 weeks along, and we're in the process of getting organized. All the baby clothes I've saved have been washed and put away. We've bought a "fancy" stroller, second hand. It came with the bassinet, which I think will be really useful throughout the fall as I will be meeting Wild Man at the bus during what I expect will be the baby's afternoon naptime. I'm hoping to get the baby to sleep in the bassinet and then walk over to the bus stop without having to wake the baby up. We'll see if the baby is amenable to my plan though.
- We've also bought a bassinet, second hand, as the baby will be in our room for the first few months at least.
- We're planning relatively major renovations to the basement, which has a large room that is partially finished. The plan is to completely finish it and turn it into a large bedroom for Bear and Wild Man. Archer will be doing much of the work; thus, he will be the one making many of the decisions regarding the renovations.
- Archer can be indecisive, painfully so. He has currently researched at least four options for insulating the basement, and he cannot decide which he wants to do. My only requirement is that the insulation be environmentally friendly as I want to limit the amount of off-gassing the boys are exposed to. Each of the options he is considering fulfills this requirement, and each is more or less the same price. Two involve a bit more labor, but he argues will result in a better looking and longer lasting finished product. My stance is the same. I'm not the one doing the work, so I don't care.
- We've also been shopping for a bed for Bear. This is sort of essential, as Bear is currently sleeping in the toddler bed (which converts back into a crib) that the baby will use. I estimate that we can make the bassinet work for about 4 months, so we do have some time. Ideally though I'd like to have Bear in a twin bed by the beginning of August. CU Land has remarkably few furniture stores. Archer also feels strongly that Bear's furniture should match Wild Man's furniture. This makes it difficult as we bought Wild Man's furniture second hand over three years ago. It is a great set, including a captain's bed, a dresser with a mirror, and a bedside table, all made out of birch. It needs to be refinished, a project we haven't had the time to undertake, but it is in great shape. Plus we got all three pieces for around $350--a steal considering it is made out of wood. So we either have to buy both boys new furniture or try to find Bear something that matches Wild Man's furniture. Again, Archer cannot make a decision. There is an unfinished furniture store in town, and we could get a similar bed in the same finish as Wild Man's at a reasonable price, again considering it will be wood. Archer cannot decide "what makes the most sense," the phrase he uses when he is either unable or unwilling to make a decision. At this point, I just don't care. I've done all the legwork on this. I've taken us to every single furniture store in town. I've searched Craig's List and Kijijii, to no avail. We haven't found anything he really likes. So I'm giving him till next week to make a decision, and then I'm going to buy something without him.
- We've ordered new car seats for the baby and for Bear, much to our families' dismay. They are all very concerned that we're not buying a mini-van. Well, the new car seats total $700, which isn't cheap, but a new mini-van is well over $30,000. We've managed for the past four years with only one car, primarily because Archer and I work in the same place. Come 2013, it will be a bit harder to manage, as each of our children will be going to a different school (Wild Man to the French Immersion school in our district, Bear to the primary school in our neighborhood for JK, and the baby to the daycare on campus). This will mean a lot of time in the car for Archer and me, or it could mean that we finally use the bus system, which is fairly good in CU Land. We've just been lucky to not have to use it regularly thus far. When we do buy a car, it likely won't be a mini-van, but a small SUV with four-wheel drive, a feature that would be very handy during winter. Our families are upset, we think, because we cannot fit anyone else in our car when they come to visit. Our logic is simple. They come to visit no more than three times a year. It is infinitely less taxing on our budget to rent a car when they come to visit than it is to buy a new car, but they don't seem to understand it.
- Our lives are about to change fairly dramatically, and I'm honestly not sure any of us is prepared.
- We do, at least, have a list of names that everyone in the family, including Bear and Wild Man, agree on, so Baby #3 will have a name, whether he proves to be a boy or a girl.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Home
For the past two days I've been in a lovely city to attend a major conference in my field. The time away has been nice. The panels I've attended have been (mostly) enlightening. I've even managed to get a bit of work done. But after being away for an entire week earlier this month, I'm miss Wild Man and Bear, not to mention Archer. I'm traveling home tomorrow, and while it will be a long day, I'm happy to be going home.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
The Routine
We're settling back into our routine. It is taking longer for the boys to settle in that I expected, primarily, I think, because Yetta and Pita are still here. They leave today, so I'm hoping that will help. Their visit has gone well, at least as far as Yetta and I are concerned. We've had several great conversations, and we're learning more and more about each other. Pita, well, she's Pita. She's had a hard time stepping back now that Archer and I are home. She is still trying to "parent" Wild Man and Bear. It irks me whenever someone else tries to parent my children in front of me, and it especially irks me when she does it as our values are very different. I'm fine with her caring for my children for a week, but she is not someone I would feel comfortable being a daily presence in their lives. It's doubly hard when everything becomes about her, but I'll save that for another post.
I met with the Dean yesterday, and s/he was helpful to an extent. I got the distinct impression s/he didn't want to answer a lot of questions, which I found troubling. The Dean laid out the available options, but did not offer much in the way of advice. While every questioned I asked was answered, I did feel like the Dean was, well, being a Dean. This entire situation has put the Dean in an awkward position, and likely, the Dean realizes I have grounds for a grievance (against the Dean, against RC, against the entire appointments committee of RD). So I'm going to attribute the hesitancy to answer questions to that. I'm going to try to meet with one more person early in the week to ask a few more questions before I give the Dean my final answer about where I want to be appointed. And then we'll see what we see.
I met with the Dean yesterday, and s/he was helpful to an extent. I got the distinct impression s/he didn't want to answer a lot of questions, which I found troubling. The Dean laid out the available options, but did not offer much in the way of advice. While every questioned I asked was answered, I did feel like the Dean was, well, being a Dean. This entire situation has put the Dean in an awkward position, and likely, the Dean realizes I have grounds for a grievance (against the Dean, against RC, against the entire appointments committee of RD). So I'm going to attribute the hesitancy to answer questions to that. I'm going to try to meet with one more person early in the week to ask a few more questions before I give the Dean my final answer about where I want to be appointed. And then we'll see what we see.
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
An update
Monday went well. My talk seemed to be well received; the interview portion became a dialogue very quickly; and everyone was polite and cordial. The biggest shock: more than half of the people present had absolutely no idea I was pregnant. No one commented on it--Canada has signed Human Rights legislation, after all. There were lots of shocked stares, however. Oh well. The committee is supposed to be meeting tomorrow. I expect to hear something at some point via email as Archer and I leave for our babymoon/research trip tomorrow.
As for that, Yetta and Pita are here, and the boys are having a blast. I think they'll be okay, although I know Bear will be a bit moody by Sunday. I've stressed the importance of keeping them on their schedule, and Yetta seems keen to follow it. I know they'll be safe, loved, and fed. But I also know lots of things will get done in a way much different than I would do them. That bothers me a bit, to be quite honest. But Archer and I need this time together. I am exhausted. I need sometime to just be with my husband, to think about things not related to CU, and to have some adult fun.
As for that, Yetta and Pita are here, and the boys are having a blast. I think they'll be okay, although I know Bear will be a bit moody by Sunday. I've stressed the importance of keeping them on their schedule, and Yetta seems keen to follow it. I know they'll be safe, loved, and fed. But I also know lots of things will get done in a way much different than I would do them. That bothers me a bit, to be quite honest. But Archer and I need this time together. I am exhausted. I need sometime to just be with my husband, to think about things not related to CU, and to have some adult fun.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)