As I wrote in my previous post, we're staying in CU Land for Christmas. Archer called his brother last night to tell him, as R was really looking forward to seeing us. R was very understanding though, which eased Archer's guilt about deciding not to go a bit, I know. Archer then talked to J, R's soon to be ex-wife (it is so sordid and complicated that I'm not even going into it). He asked her what their boys would like for Christmas, and she offered a few suggestions. She then asked what Bear and Wild Man would like, and Archer listed off a few things. She then, apparently, said, "Well, your mom told me that if you all aren't coming here for Christmas, she is just going to put money in your checking account here. That way you and M can get the boys what they like. Is it okay if I do that to?" Archer said, "Sure, that will be fine. You could send a gift certificate though."
When he relayed this conversation to me, I was pissed. Seriously. How hard is it to go online and order a gift? I've sent lists of things the boys like, items at every price range, as every single member of Archer's family has asked me to do. How hard is it to go to Amazon and order a few items off the list? You know, Amazon even ships to Canada for FREE! Or how hard is it to do what my parents have done? They shop early, so they've had the boys' gifts for a while. My mom, who is practically agoraphobic, stood in line at UPS for 45 minutes on Tuesday afternoon to mail a package to Wild Man and Bear. Do you know why? Because, as she said to me, "I know how much fun they'll have opening the package, M. Be sure to call me when you get it so I can hear them open it. Hearing their excitement will make standing in line with all those people worth it." I said all of this to Archer last night, and he said, "I know. You're absolutely right. It sucks. They just don't want to put out the effort. But I'm not saying anything because it isn't worth it." And then I was pissed got him!
On one level, I totally understand this tactic. I'm a big believer in choosing one's battles carefully. But frankly, my children are openly disregarded in favor of R and J's children. Why? Well, they created the first grandchild, and their children live in the same city as Yetta and Pita. In fact, that is the precise reason why Yetta and Pita will not spend a Christmas in our house--they can't leave #1 and #2. To me, this is a battle worth fighting. You can bet that Yetta will be braving long lines at the toy store and the book store to get gifts for #1 and #2. She can damn well do the same thing for my children. Or at the very least, she can know how crappy I think her plan to send money is.
As an important aside, I honestly don't care if they give Wild Man and Bear gifts. Truly I don't. They would be thrilled with a long phone call on Christmas morning. But the whole explanation that putting money in our account is "easier for us" is pure bullshit. It is easier for them.
Showing posts with label pissed. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pissed. Show all posts
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Hillary gets emotional
Apparently this is my morning to be pissed off because all the stories about Hillary Rodham Clinton getting emotional are pissing me off too. I mean, give me a flippin' break! The media villifies her for being too pragmatic, too focused, too robotic, and (gasp!) not feminine enough. And then when she gets emotional (have you seen the coverage? I actually think she responded to the question from the heart and got choked up.), the media castigates her for showing what they've said she was lacking--emotion! Ok, I get the point that she needs to allow herself to be unscripted more often, and to a certain extent, I agree. But cut the woman some slack! She responded the way the media and political pundits have been wanting her to respond: in the moment, without considering the implication of her response. Why isn't anyone asking why Barack Obama or John Edwards aren't showing more emotion? Hmmm. . . could it be because they're men?
Really, really, really pissed
A few months ago I deleted a post about my mother-in-law because I wanted to make an effort to appreciate the things about her that I really like rather than focus on the things I don't like. Well this post isn't about my MIL directly; it is about my sister-in-law, but it indirectly involves my MIL.
I first want to say that I've been sitting at my computer reading emails and checking out the few news sites I visit every day, trying to talk myself out of writing about a phone call that C received from my SIL last night. I really don't want to be the person who never says anything positive about my in-laws. But then as I almost had myself talked out of writing about said phone call I heard a little voice in my head say "M, she never has anything positive to say about you and she specifically called last night in an attempt to start an argument with your husband, which would have resulted in an argument between you and C." Bottom line, I'm pissed, and I'm blogging about it.
First some background: C grew up in a very small Southern town (the former cabbage capital of the world), which I've said before. But he didn't grow up in some backwater place; it is 40 minutes from a city of 1 million people. Said city isn't a booming metropolis, by any stretch of the imagination, but it is the most liberal city in our Home State (and that is actually saying something). My point is that while Cabbage Town is very small the people in it live very close to a big city, most of whom work in the big city or at least visit the big city at least once a week. These are not people who have lived exclusively in a small town and know nothing of the world. While they are conservative politically and socially, they are, by and large, educated individuals, most of whom defy the stereotypes surrounding small town individuals. That said, most of them, especially the mothers, do fulfill one stereotype: they expect their children to stay in the same small town. It is expected that the children of Cabbage Town will marry other children of Cabbage Town. When they marry outside of Cabbage Town it is expected that they will either live in Big City close to Cabbage Town or move their families to Cabbage Town. C did neither of those things, and he is constantly reminded of this. Usually the reminders come in the form of a phone call from Yetta. The phone calls almost always go something like this:
Yetta: Do you remember X, the girl you once held hands with on the playground with when you were 4?
C: Um, no, I don't remember her.
Yetta: Well I ran into her mother yesterday at the Piggly Wiggly, and she asked about you. I always thought the two of you would have made such a cute couple . . .maybe if you and she had gotten together you would live closer to Cabbage Town.
C: I have no idea who you're talking about; how do you remember this stuff?
Last night the phone call was from C's sister, whom I am henceforth affectionately calling Pita (as in pain in the ass).
Pita: Mom is buying some furniture from the store in ritzy suburb of Big City.
C: That's great. I know she's been wanting to get some new things.
Pita: Did you know X works there now?
C: Um, X? I don't think I know her.
Pita: Yes, you do! You dated her when you were a sophomore in high school!
C: Um, I did? (Pause as he tries to remember.) You know that was about 15 years ? X? Oh, yes, I remember her. We went out two or three times. How is she? (at this point he looked at me with the "please get me off the phone look." Unfortunately I was putting Wild Man to bed and couldn't help.)
Pita: Wasn't she the girl who said she was pregnant while you were dating? What was that about?
C: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Pita: Were you such a slut in high school that you don't remember this girl? How many people did you sleep with? Does M know about this?
So what was she talking about? C has carefully reconstructed his past in an attempt to figure out what the hell his sister was getting at. C did have a brief relationship with this woman when they were teenagers. Was she ever pregnant? C has no idea, but apparently years later (about 5 years well after they stopped seeing each other and no longer spoke) a friend of hers told several people in Cabbage Town that she had been pregnant in high school. This got back to Yetta and Pita, who at the time interrogated C about it, who knew nothing about it. He was urged to contact her to get to the bottom of the rumor--and to satisfy their warped sense of small town curiosity.
Pita apparently continued with the questions for a few more minutes until it became clear that she was not going to provoke a response out of C and then she abruptly ended the conversation. C and I didn't have a chance to talk about the entire conversation until this morning, and as he told me about the conversation (and the past events) I got more and more angry. Here is why I am angry:
In the past year, Pita has done some fairly despicable things (including calling me and my other sister-in-law ugly, ugly names behind our backs), and I no longer trust her, like her, or want to be around her. I realize after rereading what I've written that it may seem like I'm totally blowing this out of proportion (and I have been known to do that), but I can't believe she was trying to do anything other than start something. I want to yell at her "This is the sort of thing you do when you're in middle school!!" I am sorry she is so unhappy with her own life that she feels she has to actively try to make other people unhappy too, but I am so tired of her crap.
I first want to say that I've been sitting at my computer reading emails and checking out the few news sites I visit every day, trying to talk myself out of writing about a phone call that C received from my SIL last night. I really don't want to be the person who never says anything positive about my in-laws. But then as I almost had myself talked out of writing about said phone call I heard a little voice in my head say "M, she never has anything positive to say about you and she specifically called last night in an attempt to start an argument with your husband, which would have resulted in an argument between you and C." Bottom line, I'm pissed, and I'm blogging about it.
First some background: C grew up in a very small Southern town (the former cabbage capital of the world), which I've said before. But he didn't grow up in some backwater place; it is 40 minutes from a city of 1 million people. Said city isn't a booming metropolis, by any stretch of the imagination, but it is the most liberal city in our Home State (and that is actually saying something). My point is that while Cabbage Town is very small the people in it live very close to a big city, most of whom work in the big city or at least visit the big city at least once a week. These are not people who have lived exclusively in a small town and know nothing of the world. While they are conservative politically and socially, they are, by and large, educated individuals, most of whom defy the stereotypes surrounding small town individuals. That said, most of them, especially the mothers, do fulfill one stereotype: they expect their children to stay in the same small town. It is expected that the children of Cabbage Town will marry other children of Cabbage Town. When they marry outside of Cabbage Town it is expected that they will either live in Big City close to Cabbage Town or move their families to Cabbage Town. C did neither of those things, and he is constantly reminded of this. Usually the reminders come in the form of a phone call from Yetta. The phone calls almost always go something like this:
Yetta: Do you remember X, the girl you once held hands with on the playground with when you were 4?
C: Um, no, I don't remember her.
Yetta: Well I ran into her mother yesterday at the Piggly Wiggly, and she asked about you. I always thought the two of you would have made such a cute couple . . .maybe if you and she had gotten together you would live closer to Cabbage Town.
C: I have no idea who you're talking about; how do you remember this stuff?
Last night the phone call was from C's sister, whom I am henceforth affectionately calling Pita (as in pain in the ass).
Pita: Mom is buying some furniture from the store in ritzy suburb of Big City.
C: That's great. I know she's been wanting to get some new things.
Pita: Did you know X works there now?
C: Um, X? I don't think I know her.
Pita: Yes, you do! You dated her when you were a sophomore in high school!
C: Um, I did? (Pause as he tries to remember.) You know that was about 15 years ? X? Oh, yes, I remember her. We went out two or three times. How is she? (at this point he looked at me with the "please get me off the phone look." Unfortunately I was putting Wild Man to bed and couldn't help.)
Pita: Wasn't she the girl who said she was pregnant while you were dating? What was that about?
C: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Pita: Were you such a slut in high school that you don't remember this girl? How many people did you sleep with? Does M know about this?
So what was she talking about? C has carefully reconstructed his past in an attempt to figure out what the hell his sister was getting at. C did have a brief relationship with this woman when they were teenagers. Was she ever pregnant? C has no idea, but apparently years later (about 5 years well after they stopped seeing each other and no longer spoke) a friend of hers told several people in Cabbage Town that she had been pregnant in high school. This got back to Yetta and Pita, who at the time interrogated C about it, who knew nothing about it. He was urged to contact her to get to the bottom of the rumor--and to satisfy their warped sense of small town curiosity.
Pita apparently continued with the questions for a few more minutes until it became clear that she was not going to provoke a response out of C and then she abruptly ended the conversation. C and I didn't have a chance to talk about the entire conversation until this morning, and as he told me about the conversation (and the past events) I got more and more angry. Here is why I am angry:
- Pita only called to try to get a rise out of C; once she realized she couldn't accomplish that, she got off the phone.
- These phone calls are pointless, annoying, and completely disrespectful of our marriage.
- I feel like she called to start an argument between me and C.
- And finally, I pissed because in a weird way she succeeded. C and I didn't have an argument, but here I am so pissed that I'm blogging about it.
In the past year, Pita has done some fairly despicable things (including calling me and my other sister-in-law ugly, ugly names behind our backs), and I no longer trust her, like her, or want to be around her. I realize after rereading what I've written that it may seem like I'm totally blowing this out of proportion (and I have been known to do that), but I can't believe she was trying to do anything other than start something. I want to yell at her "This is the sort of thing you do when you're in middle school!!" I am sorry she is so unhappy with her own life that she feels she has to actively try to make other people unhappy too, but I am so tired of her crap.
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