The measure of a mother

I came across this very interesting article entitled "What's the real measure of a ‘good mom’?" and numerous responses to it. Reading this article made me ask myself (once again): are we obsessed with motherhood, and why is motherhood valued so much more than fatherhood? And finally, is it even possible to define what it means to be a good mother or a good father?

As S plays away in his bouncy chair right beside me while C edits a dissertation chapter, I wonder if S will value one parent more than the other. At this point in his life, it seems silly for me to even contemplate that. But remembering my own childhood, I do have to admit that there were certain times when I preferred one parent to another. My mom was great for making things better, and I can remember wanting to be with my mother much more when I was younger. But my mom wasn't always so great at helping me when things couldn't be made better. As I got older and life got more complicated, my dad was much better at helping me with things that couldn't be fixed--he'd let me cry and rant until I felt better about whatever had upset me, while helping me realize that not everything could be made better with a hug. Both of my parents had their strengths, and I value both equally, although very differently. My mom taught me to be a loving, compassionate person, while my dad taught me that I could accomplish whatever I wanted. Both encouraged me to challenge myself and to ask questions of those around me. Without either of them, I wouldn't be where I am today, and I know I will take things from both of their parenting styles as I parent my own son.

So why do we rarely see articles on the measure of a father? Why do we assume that mothers play a more influential role in the lives of their children? It seems as though when children succeed or fail the mothers are held responsible. As much as our society claims to value equality in parenting, we still seem to value mothers more, and along with valuing mothers more, we also hold them to unreasonable standards.