The short of it

At some point, I'll likely write a post that details "the long of it," but for now, I'll keep it short.

• I first want to say that I am angry, frustrated, and hurt.  I can't explain specifically why yet, primarily because I have a series of meetings today that will begin to resolve the issue.  The success of these meetings depends, at least to some degree, in me keeping it together.  Given that I'm already dealing with hormones and that Disney's "Chimpanzee," which Archer and I took the boys to see this weekend, reduced me to tears for 20 minutes, I need to keep a tight reign on my emotions.
• I also want to say that I am not naive.  I know how academia works.  I never believed any of the "promises" that were made to me.  In fact, the one person whom I've come to trust completely in this matter is the only person who never made me any promises.  I knew from the moment I signed my contract last year that all of this could fall apart.  
• The drama continues with the conversion of my appointment.
• I have had few expectations going into this whole process.  In fact, I started this academic year assuming the all-but promised conversion wouldn't take place.
• I became more confident after multiple meetings with both department heads and the dean, each of whom assured me this would, in fact, happen.  The dean even said as much to Archer in front of Archer's department head--at least twice.  I was also advised, in good faith, that I did not need to go on the job market this year.  I did not follow that advice, but still, that is the advice I was given.
• Since the talk of the conversion began (in October), other things have taken place which have made the conversion complicated.  None of these things have anything to do with me personally; however, I am now at the center of these complications.
• One of the departments, which is notoriously competitive, has multiple faculty members who think more of themselves and the department than perhaps they should.  They are also vocally opposed to the idea of any sort of non-competitive hire.  I've been reminded repeatedly that this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the "process."
• I got some news yesterday that I was expected, but that was, nonetheless, upsetting.  The conversion will likely move forward, but not in the capacity that had been discussed for the past several months.  I am now left with major decisions, as in career changing decisions.  The decisions I have to make in the next few days (I could push it to weeks, but I'm 28 weeks pregnant.  I need this resolved, for my own sanity and health.) could potentially change the direction of my career for at least the next 5-7 years, if not permanently.
• I will be meeting with the parties involved in the next few days to get their input, but frankly, I want some answers.  I feel betrayed by one person in particular (again, the reasons are really complicated), and I want some kind of explanation.  After all the assurances over the past several months, I think this person, who has been all but avoiding me, owes me the courtesy of answering a few questions.