Christmas preparations

We're prepared, or as prepared as we're going to be.  We travel to home state in 2 days.  We're mostly packed.  The packages have been shipped--actually I ordered almost everything online and had it shipped directly there.  The boys know that they will only receive one or two of their Santa gifts while we're there.  Santa is bringing the rest to CU Land.  I've spoken to my mom, and she's done shopping.  Yetta, well, that's another story.  I'm not sure how one expects to get hard to get items when one doesn't start shopping until Dec. 20th.  I could say more, but I won't.  That is all.

There is no such thing. . .

as a worthless human being.  We do not know the details every others' lives.  We don't know their hardships, their struggles, their illnesses.  We don't know what may compel someone to enact acts of violence.  We should concern ourselves with taking care of the survivors and with forgiving.  I'm not usually the sort of person to quote Bible verses, but in light of all the hateful things being said about a boy, (yes, he was a boy himself) who did commit a horrific act of violence that ended the lives of 27 other people and his own I feel compelled to do so. 

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37

Things I never expected to do. . .

I have done so many things I never thought I do since I became a parent.  That list includes:

• pulling boogers out of my kid's nose
• pulling boogers out of a friend's kid's nose
• wearing a sweater that had a little bit of vomit on it to a meeting
• washing a load of laundry that had a single blanket in it to make my child calm down
• sit up for hours in a steamy bathroom so my kid could breathe
• eat chicken nuggets on a regular basis
• discuss the finer details of Star Wars
• analyze the class divisions in the Cars movies
• stay up till midnight making homemade Valentines for the kids in my child's class

Even before I was a parent, however, if you'd told me I'd do any of the above, I likely would have laughed and said, "Oh, you're probably right!" Now that I've done them, none of those things seem that odd or disgusting.  They are part of my every day life now. I never, ever thought I do what I just did, and I sincerely wish I did not feel compelled to do it.  I just emailed Wild Man's principal to ask what the school's lockdown policies are.  I want to know what they have taught the kids to do in the event a gunman comes into the school.  I want to know that they have a policy in place to protect as many children and teachers as possible should such a horrific, tragic thing ever happen in my child's school.  And I am absolutely sick to my stomach that I feel like Archer and I now have to have a discussion with our children about such an event.

Holidays and gender

I'm up later than I should be completing holiday-oriented tasks.  I've addressed Christmas cards, which I designed and ordered.  I've also done most of the decorating, shopping, and menu-planning.  As I was addressing envelopes, it struck me how much of the holiday is gendered.  Archer decorated the outside, set up the tree, and hung lights.  He has done some shopping with me, and we did discuss what we would buy for the boys.  I bought all the "extra" gifts--for teachers (4 in total), friends, nieces, and nephews.  In fact the only gift Archer has bought entirely on his own is the one we're getting for his mom, and that is because I told him I wasn't doing it.  To be honest, more than half of the stuff I do isn't essential (I mean we didn't have to decorate a gingerbread house last weekend), but it is fun for the boys and helps make the holiday special for them and us.  That said, Archer just wouldn't think of a lot of stuff--like sending Christmas cards or buying gifts for the boys' teachers.  I know that women do the bulk of relationship building, but still I find it frustrating.  When I put the Christmas cards in front of him to sign, he'll ask why we aren't sending cards to about half a dozen or so people.  In the past I've just added them to the list.  This year I'm going to tell him if he wants to send cards to his old friends and family he can address the cards.

Reflecting

I haven't been blogging much, and while part of that is due to the fact that I'm occupied with other tasks, it is also because I'm considering how necessary or relevant this blog is to me.  I began this blog over six years ago, when I was still a grad student and about to have my first child.  In those six years I've used this blog to chart my journey through grad school, motherhood, and the start of my career.  I've used this as a space to journal my thoughts, fears, and development.  I sense that this place will become important to me once I'm no longer on leave, but for now, I'm not feeling the need to journal as much.  I am reveling in the time I have away from academia.  I'm enjoying not having myself fractured into so many pieces.  I may never be able to experience being a stay-at-home mom again, and I have to say that I am embracing that role.  I'm not going to attempt to define what it means to me.  I will just say that I'm finding this blog less important to me right now.  That may change in a few weeks or even a few hours.  But for now, I'm going to stop worrying about posting here.  I'm sure I'll be back, probably even later this week.  But I won't be posting here everyday, and for now, I'm okay with that.