Christmas preparations

We're prepared, or as prepared as we're going to be.  We travel to home state in 2 days.  We're mostly packed.  The packages have been shipped--actually I ordered almost everything online and had it shipped directly there.  The boys know that they will only receive one or two of their Santa gifts while we're there.  Santa is bringing the rest to CU Land.  I've spoken to my mom, and she's done shopping.  Yetta, well, that's another story.  I'm not sure how one expects to get hard to get items when one doesn't start shopping until Dec. 20th.  I could say more, but I won't.  That is all.

Interview and Europe bound

I have an interview!  Hooray!  I received an email last week, and then, after several days of phone tag, I finally confirmed the time and place yesterday.  I'm hoping for at least one more, but I'm not optimistic.  I'm thrilled to have one.  Now I have to start planning the trip to the conference, which will be difficult to say the least.

Tomorrow we leave for an 11 day trip to Europe.  I'm excited, but I also think we're a bit crazy.  I've spent the day packing and organizing.  Tomorrow will be stressful, not impossible but stressful.  I still have some packing to do, so I'm off to get that finished.  I may not be able to post while we're away, so I wish everyone a wonderful holiday.  Thanks for hanging out with me in the cyber world!

Snow day part three

So tomorrow will be the third snow day in a row in CU Land.  This means that the last two days of class for the fall semester have been canceled.  This means that Archer and I have been home with Bear and Wild Man for the last two days, stuck in the house.  Wild Man loves the snow and has made several trips outside to play in the snow.  Bear, who is getting over a bad cold, hates the snow.  In fact, we took him outside briefly today, and he cried the entire time. 

In addition to being snow bound with two children who are getting a bit stir crazy, I have four sets of papers to grade by next Wednesday, including final papers for 2 classes (I'm still getting caught up from the week I was out of town for my grandmother's funeral). I have an exam to write, and all of my students are emailing me because they have final papers due soon and they don't know when they'll see me again!  I'm obsessively checking email in the hopes that I will receive an interview request for my field's big conference which is at the first of the year.  I'm trying to get ready for the holiday, which also means dealing with Archer's family's passive-aggressive comments about how we privilege our careers over our family, i.e. them, every year.  Oh, and we're traveling to Europe for 11 days in less than 10 days for Archer to do some research.  Yes, we will be in Europe for Christmas, which is the reason for all the passive-aggressive comments.  Archer keeps asking me why I'm so tense.  Maybe I should tell him to read this post. . .

A Tale Wherein My Parents are Assertive

Earlier this afternoon, I called my parents and explained the various options Yetta had come up with for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My mom asked me point blank what I wanted to do, and I told her that I really just wanted to have a huge glass of red wine, which given my current pregnant state is out of the question. I also told her that C, Wild Man, and I would be spending a significant portion of Christmas Day with her, my dad, and my brother whatever they decided. I assured her I would be ok with whatever they wanted to do, even if that meant I had to have two Christmas dinners or if we just went over to her house to eat grilled cheese sandwiches. She said she'd talk to my dad and call me back later. Now, given past experiences, I fully expected my mother to call and say "M, we'll do whatever you want. If it is easier on you for us to come to Yetta's house for Christmas dinner then that is what we'll do." I have to say, my parents shocked the hell out of me today.

When my mom called, the whole conversation started differently. She asked no questions about Yetta's plans at all. She said they'd be happy to attend Christmas Eve dinner with C's family as our family really doesn't have any elaborate Christmas Eve traditions. Then she said, "But, M, you know, we do have our own Christmas traditions. Your father and I would like to introduce Wild Man to those traditions, so we'd like to have Christmas dinner at our house. We'll have our traditional dinner (which is a very untraditional chicken teriyaki, rice casserole, and stir fry), open presents, and take family pictures. If this causes you major problems, let me know, and we'll figure something out." I said, "Mom, if this is what you and Dad want to do, we'll make it happen. After all, our family traditions are as important as C's family's traditions."

I don't know if I can express what a rare thing it is for my parents to be so assertive. Frankly, I don't care if this causes Yetta or Pita to have a global meltdown. My parents actually told me what they want to do, and I'm thrilled that they did.

Heading out

Tomorrow, provided the weather cooperates, we're heading out to begin our holiday travels. First, we're traveling to my grandparents; we'll spend the weekend with them. I'm very excited about this leg of the trip because we haven't seen my grandparents in a while. On top of that, my sister and her family will be there for the weekend, which means that I will get to see my entire family in a one week period, something that doesn't often happen.

From there, we head to Home State. We'll spend the first few days with C's family as Pita is going out of town the day after Christmas. She is, by the way, already living up to her name by making lots of plans and lots of demands about where we'll be and when we'll be with her and Yetta. We got a phone call this morning from Pita and Yetta, and C ended up pissed off and they both ended up cussing and in tears. This, my friends, is precisely why I'd prefer to stay in CU Land for the holidays. The problems seem to be as follows:

• My parents are anti-social. Well, we all knew that, and while it doesn't exactly make me happy, it is a fact of life.
• Yetta is tired of making everyone happy; she is especially tired of accommodating my parents. Um, ok. First, my parents don't require any accommodation. In fact, they are passive to the point of absurdity. They are not going to invite C's family to their home; it just isn't going to happen. They are happy, however, to join in any festivities that C's family wants to include them in. They are also equally happy to stay home and spend time with us.
  
• Yetta is tired of being the planner. Well, she does this to herself, quite frankly. She wants to be in control plain and simple. She's already planned extensive things for both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and she's pissed b/c my parents have declined one of the invitations (this is, apparently, why they aren't accommodating.). Yetta is pissed b/c this means that we have to go to my parents house on Christmas Day instead of just spending the whole day with her. We would have done that anyway b/c I want to see my family!
• Pita is pissed b/c she's convinced she won't get to see Wild Man enough--b/c I'm unreasonable with his schedule and will likely refuse to let her spend time with him alone. I have no response to this whatsoever.
  

So that is what I have to look forward to, and we aren't even there yet. I've already informed C that this will be our last holiday trip if they initiate any kind of fight at all. In fact, at the suggestion of a fight, I'm packing Wild Man up and heading to my family's house. I'm not putting myself or Wild Man through that crap.

And what kills me the most is that it doesn't have to be like this. It could be simple and lovely. C actually thanked my mom today for not doing this sort of crap. He said "You can be difficult in your own way, but you never pull these sorts of demands on us. I appreciate that." I know my mom appreciated him saying that; I sure did.

Dissertation Frustration, part I have lost count

Usually when I write a post with this title, I'm frustrated by myself. Well, I'm happy to report that I'm quite pleased with my progress. Since the beginning of November, I've written 35 pages of the chapter I'm currently working on (which, if we're keeping track, is the last actual chapter!). I have laid out the theoretical framework and discussed one of the texts. I still need to write the section on the next text, which I had hoped to have finished before Christmas. So, for a change, I'm not frustrated with myself or my progress. I am frustrated with the lull that is about to happen with my work.

This week is the last real time I'll have to work on my dissertation for at least 2 weeks, and more likely 3. Why? Well, we leave on Friday to travel to my grandparents for the weekend, and from there, we head to Home State on Monday or Tuesday until the 29th. Then we head back to CU Land. But when return, Wild Man's school will be closed until the 5th. So C and I will attempt to divide the day up (he'll likely get the morning, and I'll likely get the afternoon) so we can both try ever so feebly to get some work done during the week Wild Man is home with us. C is working on a book prospectus and prepping a grad class (the first he's ever taught), and I have to do some course prep of my own as well as finish this chapter. If I could have 2 weeks to work uninterrupted, I think I could have a really solid draft of this chapter done by Jan. 5th. But I'm not going to get that. I'll have to make do with what ever moments I can steal while we're visiting family, and given past experience, there won't be many. I really wish we had decided to stay in CU Land and work, work, work, but alas. I think it is too late to cancel the trip now. . . I feel so close to finishing that I don't want to stop working. I just want to finish the damn thing!

And the holiday drama begins

After unexpectedly dropping $900 yesterday on a new refrigerator, C and I are rethinking our plans to travel over the holidays. We were lucky enough to have the money in our savings account, but now our savings account is essentially depleted. We are also lucky enough to be in an economic position right now that most of my pay check for teaching in CU Land's Women's Studies department can go into the bank. This was just the first month that we hadn't invested most of my check into minor repairs for the house--not to mention winter wardrobes for all three of us. So by this time next month, our savings account will once again be back where it was yesterday, which means we will be able to afford a trip to see our families, theoretically. The issue is that I will not get a paycheck this summer; we will have to live entirely off of C's pay. With at least 2 trips to Southwest College Town planned (1 for me to defend, and 1 for the entire family for my graduation) and 1 conference for me in February, we'd like to have a fair amount of money socked away before my final paycheck arrives on May 1st. To recap, we can afford to go, but we don't know if it is the smartest thing to do.

The moment C and I realized we were going to have to purchase a new refrigerator, we both said maybe we shouldn't travel over the holidays. I was rather stressed out Wednesday evening, and this stressed me out even more. Well, actually, anticipating C's mother's response stressed me out. You see, several months ago we invited all of our family members to CU Land for Christmas. My parents never really responded to the invitation (which isn't unusual, but is also the topic of a different post altogether), and Yetta firmly said she couldn't afford the cost of the ticket. She reasoned with her trip here in October and a trip she's taking next month with friends a second trip here would be too pricey. At the time, I said to C "at some point she will offer to help pay for us to travel to Home State, and that will really annoy me. She can afford to come see us, but she wants us there."

Last night C called his mom to talk, and he, of course, told her about the refrigerator. She was on her way out, so it was a short conversation. She told him she was sorry and that was about it. C naively believed that was the end of the conversation. A little while ago, Yetta called him, and the first question out of her mouth was "Does this mean you won't be able to come home now?" C calmly explained our current rationale, and she calmly listened. She then offered to send us $500--which is at least $200 more than the cost of an airline ticket to CU Land from Home State. C declined, telling her we just want to wait and see. He reminded her that she agreed to a low key holiday anyway, so there isn't any need for us to rush to make a decision. He asked, "any thing that needs to be planned will only involve family, right?" She apparently said "oh, of course, take as much time as you need." But she will ask this question every time they talk until we make a decision.

Since she called (and since we had a similar conversation when she was here) I've been asking myself, "why is this a big deal?" She wants to see us, so she wants to give us money to ensure we're able to make the trip. Why does it bother me so much? Why do I let it irritate me and get me upset? I think I've finally figured out why. As I've said many, many times before, Yetta isn't a bad person. In fact, I really do feel like I have a fairly good relationship with her. But she doesn't often show much respect for our decisions. With this particular situation, there is no recognition that we are adults who are capable of making an informed decision about our own finances. Further, there is never (and, if we ultimately decide not to travel, there won't ever be) any recognition that we are upset by our inability to travel to Home State as often as we'd like. We will only hear about how it will affect her.

I know in the grand scheme of things this is fairly minor, and some may say if we really wanted to see our families over the holidays we'd accept her generous offer. But I'd honestly rather stay in CU Land than take her money. It makes her think she can demand our presence in Home State whenever she wants so long as she foots the bill. It makes it seem as though our relationship with her is based solely on money. And it makes her believe that she always gets what she wants.