Monday, June 03, 2013
I am still here. . .
barely. Blogging, it seems, has become increasingly less important to me. I still want to blog, but I no longer think in blog posts, if that makes sense. Perhaps that will return once I am in my office every day, but I don't think it will. Things have shifted for me, although I'm not sure I can put that shift in words. I am just starting to understand how deeply the events of last spring affected me (I know, I know; I need to shut up about it already. So a bunch of academics screwed me over. I still got a T-T job out of it. Who am I to complain?). While I do recognize how fortunate I was to have come out of all of that relatively unscathed professionally, I was not unscathed personally. I find myself less willing to talk about projects with colleagues at CU. I'm more wary. I don't trust people any more, which is sad as we're being encouraged to build collaborative projects across the faculty (whatever the hell that means). But even after being encouraged to reach out to several people for various reasons, I still feel uncertain about it. It's really hard to put into words as I am just allowing myself to process those events. With that I will end this rambling post. . .
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3 comments:
I have noticed your absence, but I think you have to blog only when you feel like it.
I'm sorry you're still feeling the consequences of what happened very strongly and I don't mind you writing about it at all. It was a horrible situation to be in, no wonder you're still feeling the after-effects.
One of these days I was talking to someone (can't remember who and what the situation was), but I mentioned your story as an example of one of the awful situations that sometimes take place in academia.
Yes, you are lucky that you still have a job, but that doesn't make what happened less outrageous.
People blog less in the summer, and if your weather's been like ours, that's a good reason.
Honestly, I'd be more shocked if you weren't personally/professional scarred from your experience. I was from mine. While yours ended better, I can certainly understand the lack of trust, wariness, and shift in your view. Our shifts may or may not have been the same, but I understand in part at least.
Occasionally, we talk about moving up your way--health care and other benefits. But I remember what you went through and I tell husband "fine, but I don't want to work in higher ed there either."
RL,
I don't think that what happened to me is symptomatic of higher education in Canada. I do think that CU is really conservative. I also think that academia in Canada (in lots of fields) is about 15 years behind the times. I think you could be really happy here in higher ed, but you know, it's higher ed. If you can get out, do.
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