Tuesday, July 16, 2013
I'm just tired
I'm just tired and discouraged. I'm tired and discouraged by young women who say they don't want to call themselves feminists because feminists aren't kind. I'm tired and discouraged by people who applaud the justice system, claiming that there is no such thing as institutionalized racism. I'm tired and discouraged by people who say things like, "Slavery ended over 100 years ago; why can't we just move on?" I'm tired and discouraged by people who don't recognize their own privilege. I'm tired and discouraged by people who use liberal and progressive like four-letter words (for the record I don't use conservative like a four-letter word, although I might use Tea-partier as a four-letter word). I'm tired and discouraged by people who are wholly unaware of their own hypocrisy (I am a hypocrite, and I struggle every day not to be one). I'm just tired and discouraged.
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4 comments:
I'd love to talk with you more about the feminist thing. (For the record, I don't actively call myself anything, but I'm not typically in conversations where specific labels come up nearly as much as beliefs and politics of things.) I can't remember if kind was my word or not, if it was, it's only because I didn't want to use the words I'd really use to describe the attacks I've seen. Kind/unkind doesn't even cover it. Unfortunately I haven't had loads of time to talk more because my life got INSANE. Maybe I'll just write to you about that instead :)
Oh, I'd LOVE to see what rented life has to say...
Thanks for this post. It is very discouraging indeed. Sigh...
RL, I get not wanting to label yourself (which I know isn't really what you're saying) and I get that some people are just asshats. That said, being a feminist is very much a part of my identity. It's a way I self-identify. I am a feminist as much as I'm a writer, a mother, a wife, a friend. Those things are all interconnected for me. I think feminists who say women can't do X and be feminists are ignorant and have, perhaps, forgotten the origins of feminism.
"forgotten the origins of feminism" is what I usually argue with the asshats (if I engage. Sometimes they just make me want to take a nap). But I can't believe how hostile it's gotten in the last 10-15 years. A lot of those feminists don't agree with choice feminism at all. I haven't totally figured out my identity as a woman yet--it's something I struggle with daily, so I hesitate to take on the feminist label and then have someone run me through the wringer for not knowing all the movements, history, not agreeing with every bit of whatever you're supposed to agree with, etc. Maybe it's just because I've been exposed to more people, but I just don't remember it being quite so cruel years ago and it frustrates the hell out of me. Those are often the same people who wonder why the younger women don't take up the banner. Um, duh, if you're a total ass to people then why would they want to take up the banner.
What really bugged me was people saying that this only comes from media/pop culture. Maybe there's a grain of truth to that, but I'm seeing it with real humans, not with the media. (I don't watch any right wing media, if I can avoid it, I'm sure they're just as awful.) It's scholars, teachers, people running things like Miss Representation (which has so many flaws, I can't even begin), etc. They want to narrow the field so much that other women can't participate, men can't be our allies, and they tend to shame women who don't jump on their train of thought. (For example--I really struggle with the language of how I have to be a career woman in order to make like better for other women. If I don't want that for me personally, I'm not a feminist.) Add kids, marriage, sexual/body politics into the mix and then there's nothing that someone like me can do right. (for ex--women need to share their abortion experiences for the rest of the world in order to help the cause. NO, I don't feel like that's the right kind of pressure to put on someone. And if you regret it, you aren't a feminist. ARGH.)
I'm tired of being told I'm not one. I'm tired of being told I'm stupid for preferring aspects of choice feminism. The left wants just as much control over our lives as the right when this shit happens. So I can see why people give up, abandon the term, why young women aren't taking it up.
Sorry it's all over the place. Moving and starting and new job means zero coherent thoughts.
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