As I've been writing, I am having a hard time transitioning back to full time work. In some ways, it seems odd for me to write that. I never stopped working. While on mat leave with George, I wrote 2 conference papers, attended 2 conferences, wrote an essay for an anthology, co-edited said anthology, and co-wrote introduction for said anthology. I submitted the anthology to a publisher, along with two colleagues, and said anthology is now under contract with a reputable academic press. I devised a project and wrote a grant for said project, which was funded. I did a lot while I was on mat leave. But I wasn't teaching. I wasn't going to meetings, which seem endless this time of year. I wasn't answering student emails. I wasn't doing a lot of things that I'm doing now. I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to be the kind of academic, the kind of mother, and the kind of partner to Archer that I want to be.
Here is where I'm supposed to write something pithy about finding balance. Well, I happen to think balance is bullshit. I do. It is impossible to achieve any sort of balance. Things fall through the cracks. It just happens. I do--Archer and I do the best we can. We try to make sure we talk to each other for 5 minutes a day. We try to find 5 minutes a day for each kid. We try not to go crazy because the house is a wreck. We try to focus on the fact that we're doing well in our jobs and that our kids are happy and healthy. I, especially, try to focus on that. I'm still struggling. I expect I will continue to struggle until this routine feels normal, whatever that means. In the mean time, I'm not worried about balance. I'm taking things one day at a time.
2 comments:
So, this is just to tell you that you're not alone. I've been juggling three kids with an academic job (two job at the moment), plus re-locating, re-patriating, and job marketing for more than four years now. And, as much as it may sound "pithy," it's still about a balance. Not an even---50/50 balance---but rather a lever that sometimes swings in the way of my family, when I'm home with a sick child, cooking for holidays, and taking weekend trips. Other times, the pendulum swings heavily toward work, when I have stacks of papers to grade or research to conduct.
I think you're right to focus on the good stuff, the stuff that you enjoy. I've learned that during the semester, my house is simply going to be a different level of clean that it is in between semesters. My own struggles are made worse by seasonal depression, which strikes me in the Fall. So, it's just part of my life now, and I feel better knowing that medication helps me feel like my best self, and that it will end in the Spring.
You're both doing your best, and the roller coaster always stops briefly in December, right?
Does the roller coaster stop in December? I'm not sure it ever stops. :)
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