One day at a time

As I've been writing, I am having a hard time transitioning back to full time work.  In some ways, it seems odd for me to write that.  I never stopped working.  While on mat leave with George, I wrote 2 conference papers, attended 2 conferences, wrote an essay for an anthology, co-edited said anthology, and co-wrote introduction for said anthology.  I submitted the anthology to a publisher, along with two colleagues, and said anthology is now under contract with a reputable academic press.  I devised a project and wrote a grant for said project, which was funded.  I did a lot while I was on mat leave.  But I wasn't teaching.  I wasn't going to meetings, which seem endless this time of year.  I wasn't answering student emails.  I wasn't doing a lot of things that I'm doing now.  I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to be the kind of academic, the kind of mother, and the kind of partner to Archer that I want to be. 

Here is where I'm supposed to write something pithy about finding balance.  Well, I happen to think balance is bullshit.  I do.  It is impossible to achieve any sort of balance.  Things fall through the cracks.  It just happens.  I do--Archer and I do the best we can.  We try to make sure we talk to each other for 5 minutes a day.  We try to find 5 minutes a day for each kid.  We try not to go crazy because the house is a wreck.  We try to focus on the fact that we're doing well in our jobs and that our kids are happy and healthy.  I, especially, try to focus on that.  I'm still struggling.  I expect I will continue to struggle until this routine feels normal, whatever that means.  In the mean time, I'm not worried about balance.  I'm taking things one day at a time.

Clutter and unnecessary remarks

Over the last few weeks, both my mother and Archer's mother have called to check on me.  With Yetta, I keep it simple.  I tell her I'm tired, but fine; we're all adjusting well, and no, we don't need anything.  That's my standard line, whether it's true or not.  With my mom, I'm a bit more honest.  In fact, yesterday I was not having a good day.  It had nothing to do with my children and everything to do with the clutter that was threatening to consume my house.

You see, Archer, as wonderful as he is, isn't great about putting things away.  He routinely fixes something and then leaves his screwdriver lying on the kitchen counter for 3 weeks.  That is one example; I could name many others.  I have grown to accept this as a flaw that I cannot fix.  I've tried.  I've tried nagging; I've tried behavior modification; I've tried everything.  So usually I just put the stuff away.  It's easier.  If I get really irritated, I pick it all up and dump it on his desk for him to put away.  And rather than put it away, he will push it aside so he can access his papers and his keyboard.  This leads to lots of minor arguments.  I put something away, and he's sure he left it on top of the refrigerator (which is, apparently, an optimal spot to store tools, loose batteries, belts).  He goes to locate said item, and when he finally deigns to ask me if I know where it is, I tell him, "I put it in your toolbox in the basement because, you know, that's where your tools go."  He then gets irritated because he has to go to the basement to get said object, and I'm irritated because if he just put it away in the first place we wouldn't have this discussion for the 9 millionth time.

Add to that the fact that we have two children who have free reign over the house and that their puzzles, books, cars, and Legos often end up in places where they don't belong.  Oh, and let's not forget all the ephemera that accompanies a new born--burp cloths, blankets, socks, and the like.  Yes, my house was more than a bit cluttered.

Typically I take an hour on Saturday and put things away.  It is the most efficient way I've come up with as I can't retrain my entire family (although Wild Man and Bear are well on their way to putting their things away at the end of the day) nor can I hire a professional organizer.  I don't mind either.  But George has made this almost impossible lately.

Yesterday I was at my wits end.  I was tired and needed a nap, but more than that, I needed my house to be clean and de-cluttered for one day.  I was less than pleasant as everyone and everything was preventing my plan for de-cluttering.  I will not go into details, but I will say that Archer and I had discussed this plan on Saturday night.  Thus, when I came downstairs to find Wild Man and Bear had dumped out their extensive Lego collection all over the living room and that Archer was napping with George rather than taking out the vacuum cleaner I was annoyed.  My mom happened to call when I was finally able to get everyone to accomplish a specific task to de-clutter the house.  I told her what was going on.  She replied, "Well, M, you have three boys now; you may have to accept a certain amount of clutter, at least until George is older."  I was so irritated with that comment that I changed the subject and then got off the phone.

Why was I irritated?  My mom is absolutely right; for a while, at least, I'm going to have to deal with some clutter.  Other things trump having a neat and tidy house.  I can (and usually do) live with that.  But every. single. time. I talk to her she reminds me that I now have three children.  And I want to say, "Really?  Three?  When did that happen?  Oh right, I do vaguely remember giving birth to the third.  Thanks for the reminder, Mom."  Yes, my impulse is to be snarky and sarcastic.  But she says it very snarkily too.  As though I should have realized life would be so hectic and chaotic when we decided to add a third child to our family.  Yes, I'm being testy and a bit immature, but honestly, I could live without hearing that unnecessary remark ever again.

Trying to work

I've been trying to work for the last few weeks, with an emphasis on trying.  I've got a lot of projects that are started, but aren't yet finished.  I am fully aware that all work will stop for at least a month (if not longer) following the baby's birth, so I want to get as much done on these projects as possible.  Here is a list of the things I'm working on:

• transforming conference paper into an article length paper
• drafting conference paper which I will present in October
• editing the job talk I recently gave into an article, which I hope to send out next week
• finishing a book review that is long overdue
• drafting a book proposal on an anthology I'm working on with two colleagues from grad school
• researching an idea I have for a book project
• outlining revisions I need to make to a dissertation chapter which I want to transform into an article
• revamping a course I routinely teach into an online course (this is the only project I will not try to work on at all when I'm on leave as, by union regulations, I cannot work on anything connected to my teaching)

It is a long list, and somehow in the next two weeks I need to get our home office functional so I can use it while I'm on leave.  My hope is that by September I'll be able to work for an hour and a half a day while the baby naps.  That may only work for three days each week as Bear will be home with me and the baby two days a week (as an aside, cutting Bear down to part time and having Wild Man in school full time has dramatically cut down on our childcare costs--as in we'll be paying about a third of what we pay now), but I know, to some extent, what I'm getting into.  I'm focusing on being flexible.  I am also going to load my Kindle up with books for work that I've been wanting to read for a long time.  If anything, I'll get lots of reading done in the next few months. 

Full Term

I am officially full term (37 weeks) today.  Theoretically, the baby can come at any time now.  We've spent the past two weeks getting prepared.  I've washed and organized all the clothes.  We've been shopping for furniture more times than I care to mention as we can't agree on anything.  The baby's bag for the hospital is packed, and I've started throwing some things I will need into a bag.  We've also put together an emergency kit in the event we have a home birth.* We're more or less prepared for the baby's arrival. 

Archer even  spent part of yesterday cleaning out our car and installing and rearranging car seats.  We purchased two of these car seats, one for Bear and one for the baby.  These car seats have steel frames, which makes it possible for the manufacturer to make them narrower.  They are actually designed to fit three across.  Wild Man will stay in his current car seat, although we may order him one of these.  It isn't essential, as all three seats do fit in the back seat now, but one of these would allow us to put Wild Man in the middle rather than Bear.  It is currently a bit difficult to get Bear buckled into his car seat.  I have to perform a bit of acrobatics to buckle him while I'm in the front seat.  Again, it's manageable, just not ideal.  I'm also a little concerned about putting Bear right next to the baby.  I have no idea how he will react to the baby.  He is very excited about the idea of the baby, and he spends a bit of time every evening "talking" to the baby and "kissing" the baby.  He really does seem to understand that my stomach will go away and a baby will just appear at the house one day.  But the theory is much different than the reality.  Wild Man is old enough to distract the baby during a car ride or to retrieve a pacifier or even to hold a bottle.  Bear likely could do all of these things too, but he may also take out some frustration on the baby--poking eyes, pinching, and the like.  I'd be more comfortable if Wild Man were right next to the baby.  But with his current car seat that isn't possible for a variety of reasons.  We've decided to see how Bear reacts to the baby and then go from there.

This evening we will put the bassinet we purchased back together (I got it second hand, so I washed all the bedding) and we will also put the bassinet for the stroller together (also purchased second hand).  I need to spend some time sterilizing bottles and breast pump accessories (I gave mine away last summer, so I bought a new one off of eBay, at a reduced price).  Once that is done, it is really a matter of waiting.  I told Archer last night now that we've got everything organized (as organized as we can be, at least) I'll be a week late.

*As a side note, we've had several lengthy conversations about home births.  I'm actually fine with having a home birth, but Archer, who is concerned about complications, is not.  I do have fast labors, however.  We both realize we may have a home birth, even if that is not what we intend, so we wanted to be prepared in the event that we aren't able to make it to the hospital.

Updates

Summer is typically a time when I blog more, but the last few weeks have been taken up with a myriad of meetings, travel, and organization.  I'm resorting to an updates post to get back in the swing of blogging.

• My contract finally came in.  I am officially on a t-t line with a joint appointment in two departments that I never thought I'd be in, at least not permanently.  In some ways this is a relief--I  now have what so many of my grad school friends and colleagues are struggling to find: a tenure-track job.  In other ways though, it is a reminder that the thing I had been promised for over a year didn't work out.  I'm still coming to terms with that reality, it seems.  I am going to have to recreate myself as a scholar, at least to some degree, which I'm more or less okay with.
• I'm currently 36 weeks along, and we're in the process of getting organized.  All the baby clothes I've saved have been washed and put away.  We've bought a "fancy" stroller, second hand.  It came with the bassinet, which I think will be really useful throughout the fall as I will be meeting Wild Man at the bus during what I expect will be the baby's afternoon naptime.  I'm hoping to get the baby to sleep in the bassinet and then walk over to the bus stop without having to wake the baby up.  We'll see if the baby is amenable to my plan though.
• We've also bought a bassinet, second hand, as the baby will be in our room for the first few months at least.  
• We're planning relatively major renovations to the basement, which has a large room that is partially finished.  The plan is to completely finish it and turn it into a large bedroom for Bear and Wild Man.  Archer will be doing much of the work; thus, he will be the one making many of the decisions regarding the renovations.
• Archer can be indecisive, painfully so.  He has currently researched at least four options for insulating the basement, and he cannot decide which he wants to do.  My only requirement is that the insulation be environmentally friendly as I want to limit the amount of off-gassing the boys are exposed to.  Each of the options he is considering fulfills this requirement, and each is more or less the same price.  Two involve a bit more labor, but he argues will result in a better looking and longer lasting finished product.  My stance is the same.  I'm not the one doing the work, so I don't care.  
• We've also been shopping for a bed for Bear.  This is sort of essential, as Bear is currently sleeping in the toddler bed (which converts back into a crib) that the baby will use.  I estimate that we can make the bassinet work for about 4 months, so we do have some time.  Ideally though I'd like to have Bear in a twin bed by the beginning of August.  CU Land has remarkably few furniture stores.  Archer also feels strongly that Bear's furniture should match Wild Man's furniture.  This makes it difficult as we bought Wild Man's furniture second hand over three years ago.  It is a great set, including a captain's bed, a dresser with a mirror, and a bedside table, all made out of birch.  It needs to be refinished, a project we haven't had the time to undertake, but it is in great shape.  Plus we got all three pieces for around $350--a steal considering it is made out of wood.  So we either have to buy both boys new furniture or try to find Bear something that matches Wild Man's furniture.  Again, Archer cannot make a decision.  There is an unfinished furniture store in town, and we could get a similar bed in the same finish as Wild Man's at a reasonable price, again considering it will be wood.  Archer cannot decide "what makes the most sense," the phrase he uses when he is either unable or unwilling to make a decision.  At this point, I just don't care.  I've done all the legwork on this.  I've taken us to every single furniture store in town.  I've searched Craig's List and Kijijii, to no avail.  We haven't found anything he really likes.  So I'm giving him till next week to make a decision, and then I'm going to buy something without him.
• We've ordered new car seats for the baby and for Bear, much to our families' dismay.  They are all very concerned that we're not buying a mini-van.  Well, the new car seats total $700, which isn't cheap, but a new mini-van is well over $30,000.  We've managed for the past four years with only one car, primarily because Archer and I work in the same place.  Come 2013, it will be a bit harder to manage, as each of our children will be going to a different school (Wild Man to the French Immersion school in our district, Bear to the primary school in our neighborhood for JK, and the baby to the daycare on campus).  This will mean a lot of time in the car for Archer and me, or it could mean that we finally use the bus system, which is fairly good in CU Land.  We've just been lucky to not have to use it regularly thus far.  When we do buy a car, it likely won't be a mini-van, but a small SUV with four-wheel drive, a feature that would be very handy during winter.  Our families are upset, we think, because we cannot fit anyone else in our car when they come to visit.  Our logic is simple.  They come to visit no more than three times a year.  It is infinitely less taxing on our budget to rent a car when they come to visit than it is to buy a new car, but they don't seem to understand it.
• Our lives are about to change fairly dramatically, and I'm honestly not sure any of us is prepared.
• We do, at least, have a list of names that everyone in the family, including Bear and Wild Man, agree on, so Baby #3 will have a name, whether he proves to be a boy or a girl.

Home

For the past two days I've been in a lovely city to attend a major conference in my field.  The time away has been nice.  The panels I've attended have been (mostly) enlightening.  I've even managed to get a bit of work done.  But after being away for an entire week earlier this month, I'm miss Wild Man and Bear, not to mention Archer.  I'm traveling home tomorrow, and while it will be a long day, I'm happy to be going home.

Moving Forward, Part 2

Moving forward after the debacle of interviewing for a position that I was repeatedly assured was mine has been harder than I thought.  At first, I experienced what I think are normal emotions: shock, anger, betrayal, confusion, more anger.  I'm trying hard to move forward.  To that end I've done a number of things that I didn't have to do, but that felt essential to maintaining my own sanity.

First, I've severed as many ties as possible with RD, without burning any bridges.  To accomplish this, I've had my name taken off of their website, and I've also had my primary affiliation on CU's website changed (this one necessitated a few phone calls).  I've relocated offices--this one was only possible because Dr. Writing, who has also had tenuous dealings with RD throughout her time at CU, understood why I didn't want to be in that department.  I've turned in my mailbox key.  I've removed my name from the faculty directory and my door.  All the while, I've thanked the staff, who have always been kind and cooperative, and I've also made sure to be courteous and polite with any RD faculty members I've had to deal with while accomplishing these tasks.  For the most part, this has been easy as the faculty members in administrative positions don't seem to be the ones who had issues with this appointment.  It likely also helps that the dean spoke directly to RD chair and told him to help me move my stuff without any question.  In fact, I think the dean, who graciously offered to have guys from the physical plant move all my boxes to my temporary office, made RD chair find the money in his budget to cover the cost.

Second, I've tried to get back to work.  I'm revising an article, which I hope to send out by next month, and I am working on an anthology proposal with two lovely colleagues, who also happen to be dear friends.

Third, I'm trying hard to focus on the positive.  I will likely end up with a T-T job once everything has settled down.  Given the state of the academic job market, securing such a position at the same university where Archer teaches is no small feat.  Plus, we're settled in CU Land.  This has, as I've suddenly realized, become home.  I really like it here.  That simple fact has enabled me to move past a lot.

I am dealing with some a bit of an identity crisis, though.  On Friday I found myself in tears after I realized that staying at CU likely means I will never teach a course in my primary field of research.  Yes, I will likely be able to focus on certain authors I study, and I will definitely be able to incorporate the genres I focus on.  But I may never teach another course on the Survey of Underwater Basket Weaving.  That was a bit hard to swallow.

For right now, I don't know what the future holds.  I know we'll be here next year.  Beyond that I can't say.  If I was asked that question a month ago, I likely would have said, "Oh, we'll be here indefinitely."  I has not in a place to even think about going back on the job market, nor was Archer.  Now I don't know.  We're taking things one day at a time.

The Routine

We're settling back into our routine.  It is taking longer for the boys to settle in that I expected, primarily, I think, because Yetta and Pita are still here.  They leave today, so I'm hoping that will help.  Their visit has gone well, at least as far as Yetta and I are concerned.  We've had several great conversations, and we're learning more and more about each other.  Pita, well, she's Pita. She's had a hard time stepping back now that Archer and I are home.  She is still trying to "parent" Wild Man and Bear.  It irks me whenever someone else tries to parent my children in front of me, and it especially irks me when she does it as our values are very different.  I'm fine with her caring for my children for a week, but she is not someone I would feel comfortable being a daily presence in their lives.  It's doubly hard when everything becomes about her, but I'll save that for another post.

I met with the Dean yesterday, and s/he was helpful to an extent.  I got the distinct impression s/he didn't want to answer a lot of questions, which I found troubling.  The Dean laid out the available options, but did not offer much in the way of advice.  While every questioned I asked was answered, I did feel like the Dean was, well, being a Dean.  This entire situation has put the Dean in an awkward position, and likely, the Dean realizes I have grounds for a grievance (against the Dean, against RC, against the entire appointments committee of RD).  So I'm going to attribute the hesitancy to answer questions to that.  I'm going to try to meet with one more person early in the week to ask a few more questions before I give the Dean my final answer about where I want to be appointed.  And then we'll see what we see.

Anxious

My good friend J just emailed me.  She has offered to meet me at CU on Friday to pack up my office and then to take me out to lunch to cheer me up.  She is a wonderful friend, and I'm glad to have her in my life.  Her email, however, made the fact that I am returning to CU Land and all of the drama at CU very real. 

It seems like a small thing--changing offices.  But after not having an office for 3 years, I have grown to love my little office, which is even painted in a color I chose.  Being away has been a bit of a respite from reality. Yes, we've talked about everything, and I've communicated with Dr. Writing, Dr. Rhetoric, and the Dean.  We have a plan.  I know how I'm going to proceed. 

But I haven't actually had to face any of the unpleasant people yet (not that the above mentioned people are the unpleasant ones).  Suddenly I'm feeling a bit anxious about returning.  For now, though, I'm going to do my best to quiet that anxiety and enjoy my last evening away with Archer.

Wrapping Up

Today is the last day of our trip, and Archer and I are taking the day off from research.  Despite everything that transpired at the end of last week (was it really on a few days ago?  It seems like a lifetime in many ways), we've made the most of our time together.  His research proved to be very productive, and it now looks like he'll get an article out of the things he found.  He also now knows the images that he thought existed do in fact exist, so he will have to return to secure image rights for his book project.  For me, the research has been a bit more frustrating.  I came having no idea what I would find.  I was hoping for something specific, and while I didn't find what I was hoping for, I did uncover some interesting biographical things about an author I work on.  So now I have to figure out if what I discovered is at all significant which means doing a lot of research into secondary materials. 

As for the job stuff, my conversation with Dr. Writing and Dr. Rhetoric revealed about what I had expected.  Research Department (not the chair or the other member of the committee, it seems) used me to make a point, and that point is that they want nothing to do with partner-placements or joint appointments.  Fine.  They could have made that point without putting me through the ordeal of an "interview."  I meet with the Dean when we return, and we'll see what we see.  The Dean is pissed (D's words, not mine), and D is committed to securing a T-T line for me.  I have lots of questions, and I want answers before I say where I'd prefer to be appointed.  I am not leaving Teaching Department, but I know the Dean is leaning toward having me joint appointed in another department--one which I've worked in before and has a history of valuing partner-placements. 

Oh, and Dr. Writing has moved mountains (literally of books) so that I do not have to spend too much more time in my office that is located in Research Department.  Archer and I will move my stuff to my temporary office early next week.  It will be a relief not to have to be in that department in any way whatsoever.  I am also going to schedule an "exit interview" with Research Chair.  I feel that RC owes me some answers.  I realize I am not likely to get any satisfaction out of this meaning and that I will probably just get upset.  But if seeing me makes RC uncomfortable in anyway whatsoever, I'll take some joy in that. 

An update

Monday went well.  My talk seemed to be well received; the interview portion became a dialogue very quickly; and everyone was polite and cordial.  The biggest shock: more than half of the people present had absolutely no idea I was pregnant.  No one commented on it--Canada has signed Human Rights legislation, after all.  There were lots of shocked stares, however.  Oh well.  The committee is supposed to be meeting tomorrow.  I expect to hear something at some point via email as Archer and I leave for our babymoon/research trip tomorrow.

As for that, Yetta and Pita are here, and the boys are having a blast.  I think they'll be okay, although I know Bear will be a bit moody by Sunday.  I've stressed the importance of keeping them on their schedule, and Yetta seems keen to follow it.  I know they'll be safe, loved, and fed.  But I also know lots of things will get done in a way much different than I would do them.  That bothers me a bit, to be quite honest.  But Archer and I need this time together.  I am exhausted.  I need sometime to just be with my husband, to think about things not related to CU, and to have some adult fun.

Preparing

Somehow, last week, all the planets aligned in my favor (or at least I think it was in my favor), and Research Department decided a joint appointment was a good idea.  Oh, and that directly going against the express wishes of the dean was likely not a good move.  So my interview that has been scheduled for about 2 weeks is going forward tomorrow.  I've been prepping for the last 2 weeks, as you might imagine, but I spent a good portion of yesterday putting some things together.  Today I'm rereading my job letter, my writing sample, and my job talk.  I more or less know what questions to expect, but I want to put on the best possible "show" I can tomorrow.  Archer has taken over with the boys.  They are installing a ceiling fan right now, and later they will make a trip to Home Depot to buy some things for the garden.  He even has my muffin recipe in hand so he and Wild Man can make muffins while Bear naps later today.  My biggest concern right now: I woke up with a cold this morning.  Here's hoping I can stave the worst of it off with fluids and physical, if not mental rest.

More names

So we have another name conundrum.  Both our boys are named after someone, and we want to continue that tradition with #3.  If this baby had been a girl, she likely would have shared my middle name.  Now that we're fairly certain #3 is a boy, we're still contemplating middle names.  Honestly, there aren't any male relatives or friends we feel particularly compelled to name the baby after.  We briefly considered Archer's father, but both his brother and our nephew are named for Archer's dad (can I say how completely ridiculous I think it is to have a "Third" in a family that isn't the Kennedys or the Quincy Adams? Just saying.).  Therefore, neither of us really sees much need to honor Archer's dad again.  Wild Man is named after my grandfather, and for reasons I don't even know that I can explain, I don't want to use my father's name.  A few weeks ago Archer suggested the male equivalent of my middle name, but that is a name I don't really like.  So we tried another tactic.  I looked up my middle name and tried to find a male name that means the same thing.  There is a minor problem, however.  My middle name is a fairly normal name, but it isn't spelled normally.  My middle name doesn't exist in naming dictionaries.  Thus, I just looked up the normally spelled version and tried to find male names that mean the same thing.  Um, yes, we don't like any of those names.  Well, we sort of like one.  So what is my point in this rambling post?  This baby is going to be hard to name.

Archer and the travel gods

Archer has really bad luck with travel.  Really bad luck.  This weekend, however, he must have done something right.  He was scheduled to get home around midnight, having to take a 2-hour shuttle from the closest big city airport to CU Land.  Somehow he managed to get on an earlier flight and to get on an earlier shuttle.  The result: he was home by 7:20, in plenty of time to see the boys, help with bath and bed, and get to hang out with me a bit.  So I'm writing this as a way to offer my thanks to the travel gods!

The Rundown

Archer has been out of town for about 48 hours now, and he'll get back late this evening, well after the boys are asleep.  Lots of stuff has happened in his absence, so here is the rundown.

• He left Thursday morning, just as the boys were finishing breakfast.  The morning routine can be stressful at our house, so I consciously changed the routine to make it less stressful on me.  All in all it went quite well, and we were out of the house by 8:30.  Of course, we ran into some construction traffic, which meant we didn't arrive at the Bear's daycare until 10 minutes before Wild Man had to be at Kindergarten.  Luckily a good friend with whom we often trade drop off duties was dropping off his son at the same time I was trying to drop off Bear, and he offered to take Wild Man to school as he had to take his daughter there too.  So Thursday morning worked out fairly well.
• Over half of my Thursday class decided not to show up, which was annoying, but it also meant that the students who managed to show up were treated to an impromptu paper workshop session.
• I spent the afternoon in a spontaneous meeting and then caught up on some reading and grading.
• I picked Wild Man up, took him with me to the library, and then we got Bear and headed home.  
• The evening routine went smoothly--primarily because I didn't have to cook.  I just heated up some leftover sauce and meatballs, and the boys were more than happy with spaghetti. The boys were both in bed by bedtime, although Bear fought going to sleep for quite a while.  After 30 minutes, I made it clear I'd had enough and 10 minutes later he was sound asleep.
• I went to bed soon after, and Friday morning went fairly smooth as well.
• Yesterday was a bit of a challenge for me.  I don't like waiting, and I spent the day waiting to hear the results of a meeting in which Research Department discussed non-competitive hires.  Although this was a full department meeting, Dr. English had asked that I not attend.  To be honest, that irritated me more than a bit.  First, I go to department meetings; that is just what I do.  Second, there were several agenda items being discussed that were pertinent to me for various reasons.  I didn't want to be present for the discussion that tangentially concerned me--not at all.  But I didn't like be excluded from the whole meeting.  I also didn't like the way Dr. English, who assured me that this would be a conversation about hiring not about me, had put the discussion on the agenda.  It was worded in such a way that it seems impossible that my name wasn't brought into it.  The meeting was at 11, but I didn't hear anything until 3:30, which meant I didn't get much done other than constantly hitting the refresh button on my email.
• The news was good, I guess.  The department, collectively, is finally ready to move forward with this hire, so I have been formally invited to interview with the department.  A date still has yet to be determined.  I ran into Dr. English on my way out who said he'd be happy to meet with me to discuss the process again (I think he's feeling more than a bit guilty about how long and drawn out this has been), and we briefly discussed date.  It looks like it won't be scheduled until the end of April.  As tactfully as I could I said, sooner rather than later would be better for me as I don't really want to interrupt my talk for a bathroom break.  He laughed, but my expression made it clear I wasn't joking.
• Then I picked up the boys, got some milk, and came home.  We played, we ate dinner, and the boys went to bed.  
• Today may prove to be challenging as it is raining, but we have a playdate and dinner plans for later this afternoon.  I'm hoping to make it till bedtime with my sanity in tact.

I may pass out from shock. . .

Archer and I both have a modest amount of grant money to do research in one of our favorite cities, and we've been trying to coordinate with Yetta and Pita in the hope that we both could actually go to said city together.  I was at the point where I was ready to book my trip, as it was seemed increasingly unlikely that Yetta and Pita would come through.  For weeks we got the usual run around.  It goes something like this:
Y: Tell me what dates work best for you and Archer.
M: Here are three different weeks we could make work.
Y: Okay, I've written them down; I'll check with Pita and get back to you.

Y: (in another phone call a few days later) Tell me what dates work best for you and Archer.
M: Really anytime after Date X is fine.
Y: Okay, I've written that down; I'll check with Pita and get back to you.

You get the point, and this went on for about six weeks.  Then, Pita called to say she was almost positive she had the time off, and she told us to book our tickets.  But we didn't.  Neither of us was comfortable booking tickets if we didn't know for certain that they were able to come.  This made her angry.  Then, she got the time off.  I nearly fainted.  But they didn't book their tickets.  Yetta called us almost every night for 10 days to find out if we'd booked our tickets.  Every single time Archer said, "We're not booking your tickets until you book yours.  So let me know when you book your tickets."  Then, Pita hurt herself while at the park with some friends.  At that point, Archer and I were both sure we weren't going anywhere together.  But miracle of miracles: they booked their tickets.  They will be in CU Land for 10 days, which means that Archer and I have two days to show them our very complicated schedule before we can go to said city for a week.  I seriously think I might pass out from shock.  Seriously.

Silence

Archer took the boys out so I could have some quiet time to finish the grant I'm working on.  I don't think I've ever been alone in our house on a Saturday.  I must say the silence is a bit disconcerting.

Tomorrow . . .

life goes back to normal.  Wild Man goes back to kindergarten, Archer and I go back to teaching, and Bear, well Bear will continue to be Bear.

This semester promises to be challenging for all kinds of reasons, some of which I may get to blog about, finally.  Right now, I'm enjoying the sunshine that is streaming into our family room, the smell of banana muffins fresh from the oven, and watching Bear yawn (he just woke up for a nap that was a bit shorter than usual).

Merry Christmas!

Archer is settling Bear and Wild Man in for the night, both of whom are wearing their Christmas pajamas.  I'm about to fill stockings and put bows on packages.  Archer and I have to assemble the play table we got for Wild Man and Archer.  Then, we'll partake of our own holiday tradition and watch Love Actually, one of my favorite holiday movies.  Earlier today, we had some friends over for snacks, and then we made pizza, a Christmas Eve tradition that we follow whenever we're not traveling (although we managed to keep to tradition last year given our Italian location, but this year we did not have to eat pizza while sitting on the floor of a Rome hotel room).  All in all it has been a really lovely day.  I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!

CU Land

While Yetta was here this past weekend, she pointedly asked Archer and me if we were still looking for jobs in the States.  Prior to her arrival, Archer and I had discussed what we would say if she broached this topic, and we decided to be honest.  Archer started by pointing out that he has been on the job market every year since 2007.  That is 5 years.  If he sends out job applications again, that makes 6.  Since taking the job at CU, he has had several phone interviews and conference interviews as well as 1 on-campus interview.  He hasn't, however, gotten any offers.  He then reminded her that this is my third year on the market.  The first year I did not get any interviews, and last year I had several initial interviews and 1 on-campus visit, but again, I had no offers.  I did, however, receive a full-time position at CU with the "promise" that the job would either be renewed as is or that it would convert to a T-T line.  He then gently reminded her that we've tried to get jobs in the States, and for whatever reason, it isn't working out for us. 

She seemed fairly accepting of all of this, as Archer was offering concrete evidence of our attempts to return to the States.  I then pointed out that we actually like CU Land.  This is the beginning of our fourth year here.  We've developed a social network.  We have people we can call on in an emergency.  Wild Man has good friends.  I've made 4 close friends in the past year, and Archer has finally found a group of guys he can have beers with.  As for Bear, well, CU Land is the only place he's ever known.  I said, "While CU Land still doesn't necessarily feel like home for Archer and me, this is home for Wild Man and Bear.  I moved around a lot as a young child, and that takes a toll on a kid.  Unless a really great deal comes along and assuming my position does convert, it looks like we may be here for the long term.  And we're okay with that."  I had planned this statement.  I had thought about the argument.  I intentionally used passive voice and focused on the children as I thought it would be the most convincing way to present the argument.  But, it seems I overestimated my MIL's ability to accept reason. 

Calling CU Land the boys' home was, apparently, not the track to take as it reminded her that they do not consider Home State home, a fact she pointed out to Archer in a phone conversation after she left.  She stated point blank, "I want my grandchildren to think of Home State as their home.  I want you all to live here."  He said, "I understand that, but unfortunately, we don't have a lot of control over that given our profession.  You're going to have to accept that this is our decision to make.  And you've got to stop thinking of Canada as Antarctica.  We're a 3 hour flight away, not on the other side of the world.  It is time you accepted that."  I couldn't have said it better myself.