Thursday, January 07, 2010

I really should be . . .

doing 18 other things, but I'm facing a serious lack of motivation. In fact, I don't think I've been this unmotivated since I was pregnant with Wild Man and working on my dissertation proposal. I have not motivation to do anything. I have a long list of things I need to do, and a lot of those are even things I want to do. But I don't want to do any of them. So I keep asking myself why am I not motivated?

I think some of lack of motivation is due to the disappointment of the job search. Part of me thinks, no one was interested in me, so why bother? I know there is a lack of logic to this statement, but it is how I feel. I also think some of it is due to the lack of deadlines. I have to do teaching prep and I have to grade, but I do not have to write a grant proposal or an article. Again, there is a lack of logic to this rationale, but it is how I feel. I can think of a million things I'd rather do than revise my chapter into an article, even though I could likely have the revisions done in 2 weeks. I am fully aware that adding a publication to my CV would greatly improve my chances on the market next year--or hell, even this year. But I am not motivated. I'm trying to figure out how to get motivated, but so far it isn't working. I really just don't want to do any of this right now, and I also really don't want to analyze why I don't want to.

1 comment:

rented life said...

You really captured how I feel. My class is likely not running this semester, no one seems to want me and while there are more jobs (just a handful, but 2 really great ones) to apply for....I just feel like why? You're right, it's not logical, but it's nice to hear someone else say it.

We'll figure it out.