Friday, September 24, 2010

Archer, happiness, and changing my mindset

Yesterday, while sitting in the doctor's office, I read an article about changing how we think in an attempt to make ourselves happier.  Apparently, we can change the neural pathways in our brains to make ourselves happier.  I found myself thinking about this article after I dropped Archer off at his office this morning. 

We had a fairly difficult night last night.  Bear is cutting 3 molars, as well as 2 other teeth.  He also has a cold, so he isn't sleeping as well as he could.  He was up from 2-3:45 last night.  When he woke up, I nursed him back to sleep, but as soon as I put him in his crib he woke up.  I patted him on his back (while leaning over his crib) for 15 minutes; at that point, I'd been awake for 45 minutes and was getting frustrated.  I woke up Archer and asked him to take over.  He happily complied, but 10 minutes later, Bear started having a full-blown meltdown, so Archer took him downstairs to get him back to sleep.  Archer teaches on Friday mornings, so our tacit rule is that I handle the night shift on Thursday nights, just as he handles the night shift the night before I teach in the morning.  So I went downstairs to take over.  Archer told me to go back to bed, but I said, "Nope, you teach tomorrow.  I can handle it."  45 minutes later I was finally able to get Bear back to bed, and 30 minutes after that, I was finally asleep myself.  When Bear woke up at 6, Archer told me to sleep a little longer, and he took Bear downstairs.  They played, and Archer packed lunches, made snacks, unloaded the dishwasher, made coffee, and essentially did everything that has to be done in the morning to get us out the door one time.  When I woke up 6:50, I had a cup of coffee waiting for me, and I only had to make the boys toast and get them and myself dressed.  It was, for the most part, a good morning.

When I dropped Archer off, I accidentally locked the car without realizing it, making it impossible for him to get his bag out of the car.  He glared at me and said something unkind, and I said something unkind in return.  He walked off to his office without really saying goodbye.  As I drove away, I was thinking all sorts of uncharitable things, most of which are completely in accurate about my husband. Both of our actions erased all the good feelings I had about the morning. 

This happens a lot in our house/relationship lately.  Why?  Mainly, I think, because we're both stressed out about job stuff, neither of us is getting enough sleep, and we spend too much time together, although it isn't the right kind of time together.  We're still struggling to balance our relationship with the demands of one t-t job, one full-time, non-t-t teaching appointment, and two children.  More often than not our relationship gets put on the back burner, which sucks.  Our baby-sitter, whom we don't use often enough, is about to have her second child, so we have to find another sitter.  We have no family around to help us, and although we do have good friends who routinely offer to take the boys, these friends have two girls of their own, so we never take them up on there offer (nor do they take us up on our offer to watch their girls). 

As I was thinking uncharitable things, I remembered the article I read yesterday, and I decided that I was going to make a conscious effort when I'm annoyed or angry with Archer to remember why I love him.  So here are 10 reasons why I love Archer. 

1.  I love his smile.
2.  I love that he knows exactly how I take my coffee.
3.  I love that he knows what kind of french fries I like.
4.  I love his pancakes.
5.  I love the way his eyes crinkle when he is laughing with the boys.
6.  I love that he can change Bear's diaper faster than I can.
7.  I love his laugh.
8.  I love he is always willing to stop what he is doing and talk to me about my work.
9.  I love his hands.
10.  I love that he is always knows when I need some time to myself.

I'm going to do my best to make this an every day practice, to recognize the things I love and the things that make me happy.  I want to feel more relaxed and happier with myself rather than so focused on the negative all the time.  Without sounding corny, I do have a lot to be thankful for, and I'm going to make an effort to remember that.

1 comment:

rented life said...

Have you read "Molecules of Emotion" by Candace Pert? She gets into the whole changing the neural pathways, she's done some research on it. There are a few other researchers in this field too, but it's still seen as "new"