- I've had perfect strangers tell me not to purchase feta cheese, alcohol, coffee, and sushi.
- I've had complete strangers ask me if I'm carrying twins or if I was ready to "pop" at any moment.
- I've had people ask me if I was smuggling a watermelon out of the grocery store.
- I've had people ask me if I knew the "gender" of the baby. One person then ridiculed me for finding out, asking loudly in the middle of a coffee shop "Why no one waits anymore?"
- I've had people ask what we're naming the baby and then be offended when I decline to share our choices with them.
- I've had people (a doctor among them, in fact) demand to know why I got pregnant before Bear was potty trained and ask if I don't think I'm too old to be having another child.
- I've had people mourn the fact that I'm not having a girl.
- I've had people demand to know why I'm not having a fourth child.
- I've had perfect strangers touch my body without my permission or without even speaking to me.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Pregnancy in Public
I've been pregnant three times since I started this blog; thus, pregnancy has been a frequent topic here. In fact, I've previously discussed how frustrated I become by many people's assumptions that a pregnant woman's body is public domain. During my three pregnancies, I've had a number of things happen to me or been said to me in public, usually by perfect strangers, that I do not believe would have happened to me when I was not pregnant.
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3 comments:
The short answer: because the unborn child is the (American) public's child. This is, in large part, the reason behind so much of the pro-life movement and thought.
Where did I get this (it's not my own theory, of course)...Because this will, in part, help answer your questions, and because I think you'll find it personally and professionally interesting, I'd recommend Lauren Berlant's chapter, "America, 'Fat,' the Fetus," in her book The Queen of America Goes to Washington City. While she focuses on the connection between the pregnant woman's body, the fetus, and citizenship, her analysis is spot on (she also has useful sources you can follow up on).
There are a few other sources I've read that explore this issue/problem as well. I'm happy to dig them up if you're interested!
If someone asked me the gender I'd probably go off on what gender means vs. sex and so on...(My family and friends are used to me doing this anyway.) And I find it SUPER weird (sorry if this bothers anyone) that people share baby names before the kid is born. I mean...what if you have the baby, look at it and realize "Damn, this kid is definitely not a _____."? I'd say it's about 50/50 of our friends that shared a name or didn't.
AM, thanks for the references. In my haze of pregnancy brain, I'd forgotten about Berlant. I get it at an academic level, I really do, but at a personal level, it just pisses me off. Archer has also suggested that it is a class-based, education-based response. I've traveled for academic purposes during all three pregnancies, and in those situations, as well as when I'm on campus, no one has ever asked such invasive questions or offered their advice about the pregnancy. Those who are most intrusive are people I do not know and have no connection to, people who are likely of a different socio-economic and educational background than I am. I really hate to reduce it to that, but I think Archer is onto something.
RL, if I corrected every single person who asked the baby's gender rather than sex, I'd be a very, very tired person indeed. As for names, we don't choose THE name prior to the birth--we both feel very much like you do, and Archer also believes it is bad luck. We do, however, share our list of names with those we know won't be judgmental or voice their own opinions. So basically, we never tell anyone in our family what the list is.
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