Confusion in CU

Let me begin with a few facts about me.

First, I am a rule follower.  I do everything by the books, even if it is a rule I disagree with.  For example, I pack Wild Man's snack for JK following the list of approved food items sent home by the school.  I do not send candy, I do not send chips, I do not send cookies.  He does get a juice box (with 100% organic juice), but only because I know he drinks it all (the school actually prefers parents don't send juice boxes as many of the kids don't finish them and the juice gets wasted).  That may be an important fact to know about me.

Second, and building upon the previous fact, I do what I'm supposed to do.  For example, if there is a department meeting, I go unless I have a damn good reason not to.  In fact, I am one of the few part-time faculty members in my department who attends all the faculty meetings.  Now that I am on the verge of becoming a fully-fledged full-time faculty member, I have made it a point to go to all the meetings this Spring.  Let me add two things.  There have a been a lot of long meetings (as in 2+ hours).  My part-time contract ended on April 30th, and my full-time contract doesn't begin until July 1st.  Technically speaking, I'm not employed, and therefore, I do not have to attend these meetings.  But I do because I want to know what's going on and I want to make a good impression.

These meetings have been about various things, but the ones that have been of most interest to me are the meetings focused on the department's hiring needs.  The department has been granted an open line for next year.  This means that the department is guaranteed this line; we do not have to make a case for what field we want to hire in.  We can hire in whatever field we want, and the powers that be cannot say, "Well, um, you have 17 faculty members who teach underwater basket weaving.  You don't really need another."  As a result of this line, there has been much debate as to how it should be used.  There were many people who thought we should use it to hire in the area that we were least likely to get approved for in the future, and there were others who argued we should just fulfill the biggest need, regardless of what might happen in the future.  To make a long story short, at the last 2+ hour meeting it was determined that the department would be hiring in one of three areas.  Everyone decided we needed to have another meeting in which various people would argue for the three areas, and then we would vote.  This meeting happened on Tuesday, and due to a mix-up at Wild Man's school*, I couldn't be at the meeting.  And I really wanted to be at this meeting.  Not only did I feel a responsibility to be at this meeting, and in fact, I felt a bit delinquent not attending the meeting.  I likely wouldn't have said much, but still, I really, really wanted to be at this meeting.

Why did I want to be at this meeting so badly, you ask?  Well, one of the three areas targeted was my area.  As in the job description could have been written with my CV in mind.  Why is that a problem, you ask?  Well, it is and it isn't.

Here is why it isn't.  I'm joint appointed in this department and another.  I was joint-appointed for two reasons.  First, it was the only way I was going to get the full-time job this year, and second, I can teach in an area in my second department that no one else can--an area that has a lot of interest at CU (I taught a special topics class in this area in the fall, and the class filled up in 4 hours).  Thus, having another person on faculty who does what I do would be a great advantage, especially as I will only be teaching 2 courses a year in this department.

Here is why it is.  My contract is a one-year contract.  I've been told that it will convert to tenure track, but I have not been promised this.  Legally, I can't be promised this because if something changes with the budget and they can't offer me the t-t position, I could sue.  Thus, there is a small chance that my position won't convert, and I will have to go back to applying for part-time work at CU.  This is unlikely, but this fact is in the back of my mind all the time.** If the department decides to hire in my area, there has been some question as to whether or not I should apply for the position.  If I were to apply, I'd be taken through the search like any other candidate, and I'm not sure I'd even make it past the letter/CV stage.  CU is, after all, an R1, and while I have an excellent teaching record and conference record, I only have un-peer reviewed publications.  I am currently working on this, and I will have several things under review by the end of July.  With any luck, I'll have at least one, if not more, publications going into the fall.  But the reality is, I'll be up against individuals with Ivy League educations who have less teaching experience but many more publications.  Everyone on faculty may love me, but it seems unlikely that I'd measure up against such an applicant pool.  Thus, I was hoping that the faculty would go with one of the other two fields at Tuesday's meeting.

Guess which field they went with?  Yep, you got it.  The department will be running a search for someone who does almost exactly what I do.  What does this mean for me?  I'm not sure, and I asked Dr. English that question point blank.  He doesn't know either.  He has discussed this with the dean as well as the incoming chair (yes, Dr. English, who has been so wonderful and so helpful to me, is stepping down as department chair).  They are not sure either.  He advised that I wait until the new chair takes over and meet with him.  I'm not inclined to wait.  I'm just not.  I mean, we're selling our townhouse and looking at houses in CU Land.  We want to put down permanent roots.  We want to stay here.  So what do I do?  I'm going to make an appointment with Dr. Writing to get her input, and then I will do as Dr. English suggested and meet with the new chair.  In the meantime, I'm revising one essay and starting a new one.

But I have to say, even though I know I was never given any guarantees and I know that me being between two departments limits what I can do for both departments, I'm upset.  I'm upset because I feel like my expertise has been overlooked.  I'm upset because I wanted some sense of security.  I don't like feeling as though I'm starting this contract in a defensive position (even though I know that I always was, at least to some degree).  I really just wanted to be able to focus on my research and writing for a while without having to worry so much about whether or not I'd have a job next year.

*Wild Man's class had a field trip scheduled for Tuesday, and on Monday afternoon, one of the parents who had volunteered to go had to back out.  As I'm the only other parent in the class who has had a background check with the police (which is mandatory in Canada for anyone doing any kind of work with children), the teacher asked me to go.  As much as I wanted to go to this meeting, I said yes so that the field trip wouldn't get canceled.

**Historically, CU has rarely made plans to convert a position like mine to a t-t line without following through.