Moving forward after the debacle of interviewing for a position that I was repeatedly assured was mine has been harder than I thought. At first, I experienced what I think are normal emotions: shock, anger, betrayal, confusion, more anger. I'm trying hard to move forward. To that end I've done a number of things that I didn't have to do, but that felt essential to maintaining my own sanity.
First, I've severed as many ties as possible with RD, without burning any bridges. To accomplish this, I've had my name taken off of their website, and I've also had my primary affiliation on CU's website changed (this one necessitated a few phone calls). I've relocated offices--this one was only possible because Dr. Writing, who has also had tenuous dealings with RD throughout her time at CU, understood why I didn't want to be in that department. I've turned in my mailbox key. I've removed my name from the faculty directory and my door. All the while, I've thanked the staff, who have always been kind and cooperative, and I've also made sure to be courteous and polite with any RD faculty members I've had to deal with while accomplishing these tasks. For the most part, this has been easy as the faculty members in administrative positions don't seem to be the ones who had issues with this appointment. It likely also helps that the dean spoke directly to RD chair and told him to help me move my stuff without any question. In fact, I think the dean, who graciously offered to have guys from the physical plant move all my boxes to my temporary office, made RD chair find the money in his budget to cover the cost.
Second, I've tried to get back to work. I'm revising an article, which I hope to send out by next month, and I am working on an anthology proposal with two lovely colleagues, who also happen to be dear friends.
Third, I'm trying hard to focus on the positive. I will likely end up with a T-T job once everything has settled down. Given the state of the academic job market, securing such a position at the same university where Archer teaches is no small feat. Plus, we're settled in CU Land. This has, as I've suddenly realized, become home. I really like it here. That simple fact has enabled me to move past a lot.
I am dealing with some a bit of an identity crisis, though. On Friday I found myself in tears after I realized that staying at CU likely means I will never teach a course in my primary field of research. Yes, I will likely be able to focus on certain authors I study, and I will definitely be able to incorporate the genres I focus on. But I may never teach another course on the Survey of Underwater Basket Weaving. That was a bit hard to swallow.
For right now, I don't know what the future holds. I know we'll be here next year. Beyond that I can't say. If I was asked that question a month ago, I likely would have said, "Oh, we'll be here indefinitely." I has not in a place to even think about going back on the job market, nor was Archer. Now I don't know. We're taking things one day at a time.
4 comments:
I'm also having to come to terms with the fact that I will probably not teach a course in my particular field of study if we stay where we are. The likelihood of hubby and I both getting full-time positions elsewhere is so slim, that I find myself doing a bit of self-fashioning to fit into my new and unexpected role. It's disappointing, but I'm so thankful that we're both employed that I feel guilty for complaining.
I, too, feel guilty of complaining, believe me. I realize how lucky we are to be in a Faculty in whuch the Dean recognizes the value of partner placement. I am angry though, too. As much as I know I shouldn't value promises made by administrators, I trusted that RC had taken an accurate read of his deoartment. Clearly, we were both wrong. I think I would feel differenrt if I had taken the opportunity to pursue a diiferent sort of appointment, rather than being forced into such a position. If anything, I've learned to trust my own instincts over other people's promises. I am essentially happy to remold myself, as it were, but I'd rather be doing so out of my own chouce, not b/c an entire department decided to use the possibility of me being appointed in their dept. as a political statement.
I, too, feel guilty of complaining, believe me. I realize how lucky we are to be in a Faculty in whuch the Dean recognizes the value of partner placement. I am angry though, too. As much as I know I shouldn't value promises made by administrators, I trusted that RC had taken an accurate read of his deoartment. Clearly, we were both wrong. I think I would feel differenrt if I had taken the opportunity to pursue a diiferent sort of appointment, rather than being forced into such a position. If anything, I've learned to trust my own instincts over other people's promises. I am essentially happy to remold myself, as it were, but I'd rather be doing so out of my own chouce, not b/c an entire department decided to use the possibility of me being appointed in their dept. as a political statement.
No, the way they dangled you is inexcusable, and I'm glad you have people supporting you in a proactive way now. I look forward to hearing what the end result is/was when you have more info.
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