I need to . . .

work on my attitude. I really, really do.

C just called me to tell me that he has been invited to give a lecture at an Ivy League school by a big wig in his profession. My reaction was less than supportive. Actually, that is an understatement. I had to try really hard not to cry. Because this is my blog and because I think the people who read my blog and know me generally know that I love my husband and that I think he is super-smart and that he works really, really hard, I'm not going to go write several paragraphs about how wonderful I think C is. Instead I'm going to write what I feel.

I'm jealous of C. I'm super, crazy, insanely jealous of my husband, and I feel incredibly guilty for that. But the reality of my life is this: I want a t-t job. I want my own office. I want professional stability. I want to buy books and to go to conferences without worrying about how I'm going to pay for it. I want to be involved in a professional conversation about my field. I don't want to have to explain when someone wrote something or to discuss historical context or to correct someone's misperceptions about my field. I want to talk about my work with someone who is in my field. I want to go to a department meeting (I went to 2 last week, incidentally) and feel like I belong. I don't want to have to constantly introduce myself and I don't want to have to remind people that I teach at CU because my husband is a t-t prof while I am not. I want to feel validated professionally. I want to be able to stop selling myself. I actually want to worry about how I'm going to make tenure rather than if I'm ever going to have a t-t position.

And most of all, I want to be able to feel happy for C without thinking about myself.

And the Dean said. . .

something along the lines of, "I understand C and M's situation, and I'm sympathetic to their position. They are both valuable to the university, but right now, due to budget constraints, there isn't anything to be done. Once the department budgets are finalized next month, we can revisit this topic." And of course, all of this was filtered through Dr. Nice Guy, so who knows what she actually said other than, "Um, no, not now. No money. Tell C to have a great trip to Chicago. Get back in touch when one of them has an offer we can take seriously." Dr. Nice Guy urged C to talk to him again if he gets an offer. My lovely husband is pissed, PISSED. He read the email from Dr. Nice Guy and said, "F*** them. Now we're playing hardball."

C is an incredibly easy-going man. It takes a lot to get him angry--a lot. But when he feels like he's being screwed or when he feels like I'm being screwed, you really want to get out of his way. So he's gone from not wanting to go to the interview to wanting to rock the interview and get the job. In fact, in his mind, we've already moved. Me, I don't know. I expected this response, but I made the mistake of hoping. So I'm feeling demoralized all over again.

And for the record, Dr. Nice Guy, who has become a family friend, handled it badly. He emailed C this news while C was teaching and then, knowing C wouldn't have had a chance to check his email, stopped by C's office as soon as C had gotten out of class to discuss another departmental issue. He never once mentioned his meeting with the dean; instead, he let C read about it as soon as he left C's office. I understand he wanted to avoid confrontation, but given that they go out for beers on a semi-regular basis and our families spend time together on the weekends, I know this hurt C.

I did get some good news on Friday. Dr. Feminist has asked me to teach the intro Women's Studies course over the summer, which is great. This means I'll have an income over the summer, and I get to teach something new. I also feel like it is a test of sorts. So maybe if I do well with this course, I'll have more leverage. . . Who knows? Here's hoping next year's job list looks better than this year's. . . Now to get that article published.

Random Thoughts

I haven't been blogging regularly, and while I miss, I don't have the time or the energy to post as much as I used to. In fact, I'm writing this at 6:30 in the morning, as Bear woke me up at 5:45 ready to play. I had to get up in 45 minutes anyway, so we're hanging out downstairs while C and Wild Man continue to sleep. Bear is currently playing with his favorite toy and trying to sit up on his own, while I do some things on the computer. I'm thinking about so many different things lately, so I thought I'd post some random thoughts.

• MLA is in about 6 weeks, and I still haven't decided what to do about the conference. I made hotel reservations in September, but I haven't bought a plane ticket. In fact, we can't decide if I should go, if the whole family should go, or if Bear and I should go. I'd rather take the whole family if only because I won't be worried about everyone. If I take Bear with me, I know there will be lots of friends there who will happily take care of him if I'm in an interview, but I also know I'll be more relaxed if I know Bear is with C. C thinks I should go on my own, but Bear will only be 6 months old at that point. He'll still be nursing a lot, and he is still nursing a lot at night (at least twice). I'm not sure either of us is ready to be away from each other for that long. So we're currently contemplating other options.
• We also can't decide if we want to fly or drive. Flying has its advantages, but it is expensive. Driving is, well, driving. Putting the boys in the car for 8+ hours isn't my idea of fun. Although given the fact that we'd likely fly out of the nearest big U.S. city, we may as well just drive and have the freedom of having our own car.
  
• I have about 12 more applications to send off in the next 2 weeks, and at that point, I will have applied for about 36 jobs. I've eliminated and added some along the way. I've heard from two schools requesting my full dossier, so we'll see what we see. C is very confident that I'll get interviews this year, but I'm not so sure. I think he is being a supportive husband more than anything else.
• Wild Man has been very clingy and needy since C's return. For the past few days he is demanding hugs and kisses from both C and I all the time and randomly announcing, "I love you, Mommy. I love you, Daddy." I think this has something to do with C's recent trip and all the family who have come and gone in the past two weeks. He seems to want to make sure that no one is going anywhere for a while, which is another reason why I'd rather just take everyone to MLA.
• I finally gave in and started Bear on solids. We initially tried a few weeks ago, at C's insistence and our doctor's suggestion. She said he was showing all the indications that he was ready, which, frankly, I disagreed with. The first night we gave him some very runny rice cereal mixed with breast milk he just let it run down his chin and started screaming. I felt justified knowing I was right! But while C was gone, Bear began reaching for my plate and watching everyone eat. He even started imitating us chew. About 2 weeks after we first tried rice cereal, I tried it again, and he willingly (and happily) ate about 2 tablespoons. We've since introduced oatmeal, which he seems to prefer, and sweet potatoes, which he loves. Since he is so much younger than Wild Man was when he started solids, I want to introduce new foods more slowly. And since Bear is likely my last baby, I want to do things with him that I didn't do with Wild Man, so I'm trying my hand at homemade baby food. I made Wild Man a few things, but it was easier at that time to buy jarred baby food. In all honesty, it would be easier this time around too, but I want to start Bear off on organic food, at least for the first year. Organic produce is much cheaper than organic baby food in CU Land, so I'll be able to make baby food and freeze it for a lot less than I could buy it already made.
• I cannot believe Christmas is only 6 weeks away. I have done nothing to prepare. I will be hitting the internet again to send gifts to family in the States. I think we're going to get Wild Man an art easel, but I have no idea what to get Bear. Or C for that matter.
  
• I'm presenting at a conference in town tomorrow and am totally unprepared. Luckily the paper is written, although I haven't looked at it in about 3 years. I think it will be a late night. . .
  
• I'm contemplating hiring a baby sitter for a Saturday afternoon so C and I can go out alone, even if only for an hour. I have a student who has mentioned that she does a lot of babysitting. She seems to be really bright and dependable, and given her personality, I know Wild Man would like her. I'm not sure she could manage both boys though, especially given Bear's random unwillingness to take a bottle. I'm also not sure it's ethical for me to hire someone who is currently in my class.
• I guess I should stop writing and get my day started. . .
  

C is home!

C got home on Wednesday night. Both boys were asleep by the time he made it home. Bear, however, woke up around 5 to play, and when he saw his father, his entire face lit up. He played for an hour or so, and when he got fussy, which usually indicates he is ready to nurse and go back to sleep, he refused to nurse. He kept coming off the breast and looking at C. C finally took him and rocked him back to sleep. Yesterday was my long teaching day, and apparently Bear was only happy when C was holding him.

When Wild Man woke up, C walked into his room, and I heard Wild Man shout, "Hooray! Daddy is home!" Both boys have staid very close to their dad in the past 24-hours, despite the presence of both Yetta and Pita (I'll write more on that later). In fact, right now all my men are snuggling on the couch together. Seeing them together is wonderful.

Quiet

My house is too quiet, and it is starting to annoy me. C is currently in Spain while I'm home with the boys. My mom and brother are here helping me take care of them, and I'd forgotten how quiet they are. Add to that the fact that I'm either grading or working on job materials and Wild Man is working on his puzzles, which means that there isn't a whole lot of talking going on. If C were here he and I would be talking while I worked and he played with the boys. Given Wild Man's recent penchant for randomly screaming I never thought I'd complain my house was too quiet, but there it is. Even Bear is being quiet.

So it begins

Today is my first long day away from Bear. After dropping Wild Man off at school a bit later than usual (my Thursday teaching schedule necessitates that I'm on campus until 4:30 meaning I won't be able to pick Wild Man up until 5:00 so we decided that I would drop him off a bit later than usual on Thursdays), I am now in C's office hiding out. Why am I in C's office? Well, I currently have access to three offices in various locations on CU's campus. However, I share every single one of them. I have no desire to try to figure out how to pump in offices that I share with a minimum of three other people--one office is, in fact, a desk in the Writing office. I share that space with about 12 people at any given time. C has his own office, so I'll be using his office to pump.

Right now I'm doing last minute things before trekking over to the English department to make copies and then to Women Studies to check on some other things. I want nothing more than to go home and snuggle with Bear. He was napping in his crib when I left, so here's hoping he had a good nap and that he and C will have a good day. It'll be a long 6 hours until I'm home again. And given his current response to the bottle I fully expect to spend the afternoon and evening nursing him.

Seriously, this is enough home improvement

Usually I love having a handy husband. I love that when something breaks C can usually fix it and fairly quickly. He is not the sort of person who puts off home repair. Things get done fast. But right now our office is a disaster as is our kitchen. Why? Because this week he's decided he has to finish all the projects he started before Bear was born. So last week he put another coat of paint on the downstairs hallway and decided to prime the office. Today he finished installing the kitchen cabinets. Now we have to purchase countertops and have them installed. He also have to finish painting the office so I'm no longer working on job materials and planning lessons at the kitchen table. I told him a little while ago that he cannot take on so many home improvement projects at one time ever again. Seriously, this is a bit ridiculous.

Home

After a week filled with friends and graduation activities, we're home. I have lots to say about our visit, but right now, I'm still processing the visit to Southwest College Town and our return to CU Land. It seems impossible to think we've been here a year. In many ways it seems like we just arrived yesterday, but in others, it feels like we've been here forever. I've always been a firm believer that home isn't a specific location; rather it is the place where you are with those that you love. CU Land has slowly become a home of sorts. Southwest College Town will always be very, very special to me, but it doesn't feel like home anymore. Home is where my boys--all three of them--are.

Random Thoughts

Here are some random things I've been thinking.

• My sister, who is a 5 hour drive away, came to help us with Wild Man while Bear was in the hospital. She was helpful to a degree, but she was also inconsistent with Wild Man and overly critical of my house. Honestly, it wasn't helpful to be told my house is cluttered and disorganized. I also didn't enjoy being told I don't have any taste.
• Pita was here last week to meet Bear, and we had a great visit. This visit reaffirms my belief that she is much easier to get a long with when she isn't with her mother, but that is a separate issue altogether.
• Bear's birth certificate finally arrived, which means we can travel out of Canada with him. We're finalizing plans for our trip to Southwest College Town.
• Wild Man moves up to a preschool room on Tuesday. He's spent the past two weeks transitioning to his new room. Some days he is excited to go, and others he would rather be in his old room.
• Bear slowly seems to be settling into a routine of sorts. He is taking lots of little naps and one long nap of about 2 hours during the day. I'm going my best to make the most of this nap by trying to get some work done on my fall classes. He is also ready to go down around 8:30 for the night, so I generally follow soon after. So far he sleeps for about 4 hours the first stretch and then wakes up about every 2 1/2 hours after that until 7:30 or so when he is up for the day. He is easier to get to sleep than Wild Man was and generally goes right back to sleep after nursing, so I'm averaging about 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night, although it is interrupted. C and I are taking turns sleeping in with Bear on the mornings he sleeps until 8 or 8:30. This gives us both a chance to hang out with Wild Man one on one.
  
• C and I are trying to find some time for us when we can. Generally this means when Bear and Wild Man are napping or after both boys have gone to sleep. It isn't ideal, but it is better than nothing.
• Wild Man is becoming more accepting of Bear's presence. He was really upset last weekend when Bear was at the hospital; in fact, he was more bothered by Bear's absence than by mine. He is still very dependent on me, but he has figured out that I can hug him while I'm nursing Bear, which is a big plus.
• Bear loves Wild Man. At almost 6 weeks, Bear completely lights up whenever he hears Wild Man. He smiles so big for Wild Man, and that makes me melt every time.
• Life with two children is harder than I expected, but it is also easier in some ways. I think I think it is easier because we know what to expect this time. I know Bear will be ok if I have to let him cry for a minute while I get Wild Man some milk. C knows that he will generally have to finish making dinner if Bear decides to nurse while I'm cooking. I've learned that my house can be a bit cluttered and disorganized and it isn't the end of the world (despite what my sister may think).
• Next week, I need to get more reading done for my fall courses and I have to start revising my job letter, which I drafted over a year ago. I don't want to get behind this fall, so I'm going to try to get as much done as possible.
• I also want to start organizing for our trip. This is the first time we'll be traveling with both boys, and I'm a bit daunted at all the stuff we have to take with us.
  

Random Stuff

Both Z and Wild Man are napping, and C and his mom are grocery shopping. I should be napping too, but I can't seem to turn my brain off. A lot has happened in the past two weeks, and I'm not certain I've begun to process it all. My emotions are all over the place, so I thought writing might help.

• Wild Man is doing well adjusting to his brother's presence. He's not doing so well sharing me. Saturday morning he had his first major meltdown. Z had cluster fed throughout the night, which meant I was up about every 2 hours. On top of that Wild Man had a rough night himself. He woke up once and took about 30 minutes to go back to sleep, and then he woke up for the day at 6, which is about an hour earlier than he usually wakes up. So C and I were both exhausted. When Wild Man woke up, C woke up his mom, and she watched a movie with Wild Man, so C and I could go back to sleep. At 8, Z woke up, and Wild Man heard him. He came right up the stairs to see me, and he wanted a hug. I was trying to nurse Z, so I told Wild Man to sit on the bed with us and I'd hug him while I nursed Z. Not ideal, I know, but I thought it would make Wild Man happy. I was wrong, and Wild Man had a total global meltdown. He wanted me right at that moment, and I couldn't hold him the way he wanted to be held. I felt horrible. I had to feed Z, but I really wanted to take care of Wild Man, who was clearly not feeling like himself and was exhausted. C, who is inifintely patient with newborns, has little patience for toddlers' temper tantrums, and he wasn't as helpful as he could have been. Really, Wild Man just needed to cry, but going on lack of sleep, C put him in time out. That made things worse. Thankfully Z is already an effiecient nurser, and he was done in about 15 minutes. I was able to give Z to C and comfort Wild Man, but even then it took him about 15 more minutes to calm down. He was off for the rest of the day (which, frankly, wasn't helped by the fact that Yetta insisted on having an elaborate lunch for the 4th and we didn't eat until 1:00, which means Wild Man had been up for 7 hours by the time he went down for a nap.).
• I'm tired, which seems obvious, but it isn't the same tired to the bone I experienced with Wild Man. Thus far, Z is a calmer baby than Wild Man was. He is routinely up for 2 hours in the middle of the night, but as he isn't fussy, he is easier to deal with. In fact, last night was his first real fussy night, and he was having a hard time pooping. Once he relaxed and pooped, he nursed and went right to sleep.
• I have a million things to do to get ready for the semester, and I don't want to do any of them.
• I'm anxiously waiting for Z's birth certificate to come in so we can get him a Canadian passport. Since we couldn't get an appointment at the U.S. Consulate until the end of the month, we weren't sure his U.S. passport would come in by the time of our trip to Southwest College Town in August. Thus, we've decided to get him a Canadian passport. I've been told this will only take about 3 weeks once we get the paper work in, but since the Canadian post is notoriously slow, I'm still worried.
• We have to get the car registered, which will likely be a tedious process.
• C has started installing our new kitchen cabinets (I swear the man must be occupied at all times). They look great, but frankly, I'm tired of talking about home improvement.
• Yetta is wonderful, but she isn't my mom. I miss my mom.
• Yetta hates hanging out around the house, and I'm not really feeling like getting out right now. C, however, wants to make sure his mom has a good visit, so he is giving in to her. I don't want to eat out, I don't want to go shopping, and I really don't want to leave my house except to take Wild Man to the park (which is too far for Yetta to walk to even though it is only 2 blocks away). I told C last night that I need him to remember that I just had a baby, and I'd like to lay low for a few more weeks.
• My sister is being an ass to our mom. I don't want to elaborated at this point, but I will say that my sister is using her recent diagnosis of bi-polar 2 as a means to blame every horrible thing that happened in our childhood (and for the record, we had a pretty good childhood) on our mom.
• C's sister, Pita, has made several comments about Z being a boy. C says they come across as jokes, but she is expressing her disappointment at having another nephew. So far she hasn't said anything to me, and I have already warned both Yetta and C that if she does say anything to me about Z's sex I will not be kind.
  
• I had no idea that having a second child would make me love my oldest child so much more. Despite his clinginess to me, Wild Man clearly loves his baby brother. He constantly kisses Z and tells him how much he loves him. He hates for him to cry, and he gets very upset if we let Z cry for a minute longer than Wild Man thinks is necessary.
• I still need to type up Z's birth story (which, in retrospect, was quite comedic), but I haven't managed to do that yet.
• I have a bunch of corrections to do to my dissertation, per the ubiquitous thesis office, and I have to finish those this week.
• I'm actually looking forward to this coming weekend. Yetta leaves on Wednesday, and it will be the four of us until the end of the month, when Pita comes for a visit. It will be stressful in some ways, but I also think it will be good for us to be on our own so we can start to figure these things out for ourselves.
• I want to give Z a bottle sometime this week. He's nursing great, and I don't want to wait much longer. With my teaching schedule this fall (I'll be on campus 4 days a week), I need him to take a bottle easily. Wild Man never really took the bottle, but I really need Z to be comfortable getting breast milk from a bottle.
• I figure I have another 30 minutes before Wild Man wakes up, so I'm going to try to get through some of those revisions now.
  

Princess Fever

Gender is always on my mind, it seems. It is a big concern of my research, and I think I probably pay more attention to issues of gender than the average parent (no doubt, as do most of my readers many of whom are also academic moms). Since giving birth to Wild Man, I've thought a lot about gender roles and how they will affect my son. At 2 1/2 Wild Man is slowly becoming aware of gender and sex. He knows, for example, that he has a penis and that I do not. He knows that I wear a bra but that C does not. As he has found various feminine products in our bathroom cabinet the closer we get to Z's arrival, he is also starting to understand that certain things are for "ladies." Per our pediatrician's instructions, we're focusing on providing simple answers to his questions and offering more information when he asks for more. Mostly though, Wild Man is satisfied with simple answers about the differences between his body and my body. We have recently had some trouble answering questions that are clearly related to gender.

C and I recently took Wild Man shoe shopping. He is now at the age where he offers an opinion, and we're learning how to validate his opinion while buying clothes and shoes that we think are appropriate. On this particular shopping trip, we explained to Wild Man that he needed new sneakers, nothing else. My kid likes shoes (can you blame him? So do I!), so it was important that he know we were only buying sneakers. Well, at the shoe store, Wild Man was drawn immediately to a pair of pink sparkly sneakers. He looked up at me and said, "Mommy, I please have these?" The pair he had chosen were reasonably price, were well made, and were a brand that I know will last. Moreover, they were designed in a way that would easily accommodate my son's wide foot. I figured, what the heck? They weren't obnoxiously pink and only the velcro straps were sparkly. But C took one look at them and said, "I don't think we should let him have pink shoes." I raised my eyebrows, and he then said, "I know we're trying to be progressive parents, but I really don't want to have to deal with all the comments we'll get about letting him wear pink shoes. I'll compromise. We can go buy him some pink, glittery play shoes at the toy store when we're done here." To be totally honest, I think C's reasoning is a bit of a cop out. Wild Man likes pink, plain and simple. But he also likes trucks, tractors, and dirt. I understand that we'd probably get a few odd looks about his shoes, but whatever, right? I mean, pink shoes are the least of my worries. That said, I wasn't in the mood to have a long drawn out debate about gender in the shoe store. C was able to suggest a pair of navy blue sneakers with red and silver trim that Wild Man liked. They fit so we bought them. We never made it to the toy store for dress up shoes, but he still wears my heels around the house. All is well in our house.

Then I ran across this article on Princess Fever this morning. I freely admit this is my biggest fear about having a daugther: that she will come out of my womb loving all things pink, glittery, sparkly, and princess-y. All things that I really don't like. In fact, part of the reason we haven't bought Wild Man dress up play shoes is that I can't find any that aren't connected to the Disney Princesses. I think I'm pretty good a negotiating gender choices for my son because I'm trying to seek a balance. Ideally we'll be able to provide a similar balance for Z, but after reading this article I am now imagining us in the same shoe store arguing with her about pink sparkly sneakers emblazoned with princesses and trying to steer her toward the navy blue ones. Is it possible in 2009 to raise a daughter who is not enamored by princesses?

Belly shot

A few weeks ago, we had a photographer come to the house and take some family pictures of the three of us and some maternity shots of me. Wild Man was not as cooperative as I'd hoped, but the photos still turned out great, mainly because the photographer was determined to get some great pictures. She got some really nice ones of C and me, which makes me very happy since we haven't had a professional picture taken of just the two of us since our wedding, almost 9 years ago. This is one of my favorites.

Seriously?

So Thursday morning I woke up with a cold. I thought, "Seriously, a cold at 38 weeks pregnant? Who did I piss off?" I was hoping it would be a minor cold. No such luck. It has turned into a major cold, with a cough, watery eyes, and lots of sneezing. So far Wild Man hasn't caught it, but C has. Colds always affect us differently. I've already gone through a box of tissues. C has yet to sneeze or need to blow his nose, but he looks exhausted and clearly feels awful. I actually told him that as tired as I am of being pregnant I really hope I don't go into labor tonight as I don't think either one of us is up for a long night of labor. Here's hoping we'll both feel better soon, and that Z makes her appearance soon after that. I think Wild Man is even ready for her to be here. He asked me today, "Mommy, when sister come home?"

Baby Preparations

I should be working on course prep for the fall so I am not so overwhelmed come August, but I'm not. Instead I'm marveling at all we've done in the past 2 weeks to get prepared for Z's arrival. Here's a rundown of some of the things we've done.

• Washed and organized all baby clothes.
• Organized coat closet.
  
• Replaced the heater in her room with a more energy efficient model (the one drawback of our townhome is that it uses baseboard heaters that are about 20 years old. Given the makeup of the house, installing a furnace or central heat isn't an option, so we're slowly replacing the old heaters with more energy efficient ones.)
• Purchased bottles, bath products, changing pad, wipes, and nursing pads.
• Pulled breast pump and all related items, pack n'play, infant car seat, and infant bath tub out of storage.
• Disinfected everything that needs to be disinfected.
• Put infant car seat in car.
• Set up pack n'play in living room, where Z will nap and we will change her (rather than walking upstairs every time she needs to be changed).
• Purchased used Baby Bjorn (the one with back support).
• Packed Z's diaper bag and put it in the car.
• Begun packing my bag for hospital.
• Made arrangements for Wild Man for when I go into labor.
• Cooked and frozen about 12 meals.

C has done a lot of home improvement projects that aren't necessarily related to Z's arrival, but they are projects that needed to be done before she got here (or else they wouldn't get done until who knows when.)

• Replaced floor trim in bathroom.
• Painted upstairs hallway.
• Replaced floor trim in upstairs hallway.
• Painted all bedroom and closet doors.
• Replaced doorknobs on all bedroom and closet doors.
• Painted downstairs hallway.

We've done all of these things while C has been working on an article and I've been completing the revisions mandated by my committee (which, I freely admit, I'm completing at a snail's pace). We're also making a concerted effort to do some special things with Wild Man, including going to the Farmer's Market (he loves the Farmer's Market!), getting ice cream (ok, this is more about me than him, but I never met a 2-year-old who turned down ice cream), planting flowers, and going to the park. He has even helped C paint and helped me put Z's clothes away. I honestly feel like I could go into labor now without worrying about anything. And that, of course, means that Z will be a week late.

Naming Z

I'm 37 weeks pregnant today, which makes me officially full term. And we still don't have a name for Z. We have a list, but if she were born today, I have no idea what we would name her. To make things more difficult, C recently announced he didn't like the middle name we had agreed upon months ago, which is the feminine version of his name. I was sort of flabbergasted because I had become invested in this particular name for lots of reasons. It is simple, classic, and goes with every name on our list. As a bonus, if we end up naming Z one of the more outlandish names on our list (at least one is fairly unusual, by my standards), this middle name would be perfectly suitable as a first name, should she ever want to use it as such. Apparently, C feels that I just picked the name without consulting him all that much, and he would prefer not to give the baby any version of his name at all. As he reminded me, he is the first man in his family not to name his first born son after himself in, oh, about 6 generations; so why would he want to give his daughter the feminine version of his name? Ok, I get this, and to be totally honest, I only pointed out that this was the feminine version of his name because I like it so much and I thought telling him that would sell him on it. I guess I was wrong. It seems Z's middle name will be in honor of C's grandmother. To be completely honest again, this isn't a name I particularly like (and the fact that C's mother has been lobbying for its use since before I was pregnant with Wild Man probably doesn't help my opinion of it). That said, Wild Man is named after my grandfather, so I don't think I can tell C, "Um, nope, don't want to name our daughter after your grandmother!"

I think C's decision about Z's middle name is what has thrown me for a loop. Prior to that, I had one name on our list that I really loved, but now, with the new middle name, I don't like it so much. I'm hoping that we will look at her and know what her name is, but something is telling me this little one might not have a name for a while.

**Edited to add: I actually proposed using my preferred middle name as Z's first name combined with C's grandmother's name for Z's middle name. He nixed that idea immediately.

My Birthday

My birthday is less than 2 weeks away. Yesterday C asked me what I wanted to do. He offered to hire a babysitter for Wild Man so that we can also celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary, which is on June 24, about a week after Z's due date. But I truly have no idea what I want to do. I mean, a romantic evening would be really nice, but honestly, at 38 weeks pregnant (which is what I'll be on my birthday), I doubt I'll be feeling very romantic. . .

I guess I better come up with something so C isn't disappointed.

Nesting

I have a lot to get done in the next 2 weeks or so, and a lot of it involves nesting. I need to pull out all of Wild Man's baby things and get them organized. I also need to organize the massive amounts of clothes Z already has. Between C's mom, my sister, and our very generous friends, this girl has a lot of clothes. On top of that I need to figure out what essentials we still need to purchase so we have everything ready when she arrives. Given the number of Braxton-Hicks contractions I've been having, I decided to go ahead and pack her bag for the hospital, so that is one thing that is done. I do, however, need to throw some things in a bag for me.

On top of that, I want to get a few more meals in the freezer. My sister came to visit this weekend, and we spent a good portion of yesterday and today cooking. We've made some headway there. C has also been wrapping up lots of little home improvement projects, including installing new shelving in Z's closet. We're slowly getting there, but I have to admit I don't really believe in nesting. I'm doing all of this because it has to be done, not because I feel some overwhelming urge to do it. In fact, I'd be quite happy if none of this had to be done at all! I know lots of women who feel the urge to nest, but I'm just not one of them. I'd honestly rather sit on the couch with a glass of lemonade and a good book right now.

I love my husband

For weeks I've been telling C we need a night out. We did manage a brief one in February before I left for my conference. His mom and sister were here, so after Wild Man went to bed, we went out--at night! I can't remember the last time we did that. The evening itself wasn't very exciting. We went to a local restaurant, sat in the bar, and talked. But it was nice to be out of the house at a time when we're usually in our pjs, watching TV, or working on our computers.

In the past few months, C has gotten several last minute invites from colleagues to go out. The invitations always include me, but they are issued so late that it makes it impossible to get a babysitter. Sometimes C goes, and sometimes he doesn't. This week one of his colleagues, whom I like a lot, sent him an email invite for a party this coming weekend. I didn't think a lot about it when C mentioned it because, frankly, I'm in a dissertation haze.

Well, last night at dinner, he brought up the party again and asked if I wanted to do. I said, well, sure, it sounds like fun, but it's Wednesday. I doubt we can get a babysitter. He said, we already have one. It seems he called Dr. Nice Guy's eldest son, who has sat for Wild Man before, the day he received the invite and lined it all up. I love that he did this for me. I am so excited that I might even wear a dress!

Wild Man's quote of the week

Yesterday, as I read up on the development of apartments, C kept Wild Man amused by coloring with him. This essentially means that C draws whatever Wild Man tells him to. Wild Man is obsessed with hippos--I blame it on the Madagascar movies. This kid loves hippos, and most hippos are Gloria. He, of course, commanded C to draw "Gloria, Gloria's mommy, and Gloria's daddy." Once C complied, Wild Man took the paper from C and studied the drawings. He then looked up at C and said, "Daddy, Gloria needs a penis."

I laughed so hard I cried.

A Frustrating Monday

Mondays, in general, are difficult at our house. Wild Man is home with us, effectively giving us a three-day weekend. I really like the extra time I get with Wild Man, and we always try to do something fun, even if we don't leave the house. When we first moved to CU Land, I tried to do limit the time I work on Mondays to Wild Man's naptime, but as the deadline for my dissertation defense draws closer, I've had to spend the better part of Monday working while C and Wild Man do other stuff. Typically, C doesn't have to be on campus on Mondays, and as a rule, he doesn't schedule meetings on Mondays so he can stay home while I work. Today, however, he was supposed to go to campus to attend a ceremony for one of his honors students. Since he was going to be on campus anyway, he agreed to meet with two students shortly before the ceremony. I knew about this well in advance, so, although I wasn't happy with it, I was prepared for it. We had agreed that he would take Wild Man out to the park or the indoor playground for the morning while I worked. C would then help get Wild Man down for a nap before heading to campus for the rest of the afternoon.

Well, on Friday, C received an email saying the ceremony had been rescheduled for Tuesday. As soon as he told me of the change, I asked him if he could reschedule his other meetings so I could have more than a few hours to work. Well, in the rush of Friday afternoon (he had a lecture and a reception to attend), he forgot to email his students, and by the time he remembered, he felt like it was too late to reschedule. I would have preferred he rescheduled, but whatever. I had already planned for the day, so it wasn't a huge issue.

Let's say it has become a huge issue. Out of a day in which I was promised a solid 3 hours of work before C had to leave and Wild Man had to go down for a nap, I got an hour and a half, which was interrupted 3 times (each time, Wild Man and C were coming in or out of the house; now that my office is on the ground floor, I have to deal with these sorts of interruptions if I'm working while they're home). On top of that, Wild Man refused to go down for his nap easily, and although he is now asleep, he took 45 minutes to get down. Instead of helping with naptime, as he promised he would, C did some prep for his meetings. When I expressed my frustration, he had the audacity to say, "I don't understand what's wrong. I took Wild Man out to the park so you could get work done."

Today's lesson: go to Starbucks to get work done rather than stay at home.