The following was written by a cranky, tired, dissertating, pregnant woman.
I am so tired of hearing the following two questions/comments, and I'm only half way through my pregnancy. As I recall, I was annoyed by these same questions/comments when I was carrying Wild Man.
1. How are you feeling?
2. You're how far along? You look great!
The first question annoys me just because it seems like the only thing people can think to ask me. This time around I'm inclined to say something along the lines of "Well, I've got to have a complete draft of my dissertation finished in 7 weeks. I'm a bit stressed out, but thanks for asking." I know, however, that isn't what most people are asking about.
The second question/comment annoys me because it always strikes me as a back-handed sort of compliment. I always want to say "Thanks, but did you expect me to look awful?"
And, as I know I'm likely to get comments on the people's good intentions when they make these sorts of comments, I know people don't intend for me to respond as I do to these comments. Most people make these comments out of interest and concern, which I way I never respond how I want to. I just wish I didn't find the comments so annoying.
9 comments:
what sort of questions do you prefer? i just ask because i've asked both of those questions before, out of genuine curiosity.
I know these questions are often out of concern, which is why I never show my annoyance to the individual asking the question.
The "How are you feeling" question just becomes tedious b/c that is the question I'm asked most often; I probably hear it about 4 or 5 times a day. I'd rather be asked about life in general or about something more specific--my work, my son, or even the pregnancy (by the way, asking me when I'm due doesn't bother me at all) in a more specific way.
Hi M,
So, are these questions asked by people you are acquaintances with, rather than honest-to-goodness friends? Because that could be the only thing those people feel is polite to ask. Academama and I recently had a conversation about the difference between a friend's response to pregnancy and a passing acquaintance's response to pregnancy. Both could say the exact same thing, but the friend's response would be taken with love.
For people you work with, are neighbors with, "how are you feeling?" may be the most polite way they know of to ask you, "how are you handling job/diss/kid/husband/pregnancy?"
My two cents, anyhow.
Ciao,
Amy
Hi Amy,
It isn't that I question the sincerity of those asking the questions. I just find them annoying. I didn't find them annoying early in either of my pregnancies, but after hearing them for 5+ months (and eventually 9+ months) they become annoying. What I meant to convey in the post (and thought I did with my last sentence) is that I know the questions, regardless of who asks them, are meant with genuine concern and interest. I just with they didn't annoy me. And, actually, I find these sorts of questions most annoying from people who know me well. I expect these sorts of questions from casual acquaintances or colleagues, but when people I know well ask these questions constantly, it begins to feel like they don't know what else to talk to me about.
And, yesterday, I was feeling particularly cranky due to discomfort and the dissertation, so it is quite likely that anything would have irritated me. ;)
How are you feeling?
(sorry, I couldn't help myself)
You look great, by the way.
Thanks so much for that, Southpaw. I am now sitting in my office with tears streaming down my face b/c I'm laughing so hard! I am quite certain I would only reacted that way to you!
I've been pretty unflappable this third pregnant but yesterday, my mother in law asked me "So are you chubby?" on the phone and I was. Um. displeased. To say the least. I answered "I have no idea how to respond to that. I don't even know what you mean."
oh, and I meant to say I so understand where you're coming from. it's like people can't figure out what else to say.
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