I really hate the term "baby blues." I think it is dismissive of what the emotional changes that many women go through following the birth of a child. That said, I'm trying to determine if I'm experiencing a case of the "baby blues."
Following Bear's birth, I was emotional for a few weeks. Given the tendency for women in my family to get depressed, C and I talked about my emotional state a lot. In fact, since my sister was diagnosed as bi-polar, C is very aware of my moods and mood changes, but that is a topic for another post. Given the mood swings I was having, I talked to my mid-wife, and she encouraged me to get more sleep and to allow myself room to be upset and to adjust to life with two children. After a few weeks, I started to feel better, so I stopped worrying about it.
In the last few weeks, however, I've been wondering if the "baby blues" are returning. Putting Bear in daycare has upset me much more than I anticipated. I mean, I knew I would be upset, just as I was upset with Wild Man. I didn't anticipate, however, that thinking of him being with other caregivers would make me burst out in tears and feel so sad. I asked C his opinion a few days ago, and he said that I seem to be much more sensitive this time around, but he thinks it is because Bear will likely be our last baby. I am also experiencing a profound sense of disappointment that I was not able to stay home with him. I've been thinking about that a lot, as Wild Man started part-time daycare at 3 1/2 months. I've been trying to determine what the difference is with Bear, and I really think it is all about our geographic and cultural location. I live in a country where it is the norm to stay home for a year, and I didn't get to experience that for a variety of reasons, primarily financial. And that has left me sad. So I've been trying to gauge if I'm depressed or if I'm just really upset by this particular situation, and while I do think it is the latter, I think I'm going to be smart and talk to my doctor at a check-up next week.
3 comments:
Situational depression -- that is, being sad because of a particular circumstance -- is logical and probably even adaptive. It means your emotions are functioning properly. Who wouldn't feel sad in your situation? I nearly burst into tears thinking about it myself! I hope to have a second child, but I don't know if we definitely will, so I go back and forth about feeling these sorts of feelings with La Dudarina.
They're our kids. We love them more than anything else in the whole world. You are completely normal, and a wonderful mom, to have these feelings. (I'm not saying this to shut off the idea of going to your doc if that's what you want, I just wanted to remind you of the context and how pretty much anyone would feel the same way in your situation!)
Hugs to you and your family.
Thanks, Kate, for the reminder. I think you're right about the situational depression, and I know I will feel better once we get into more of a routine and once Bear starts taking bottles more regularly from his caregivers. He's already likes them and is doing fairly well for the 3 days a week he's there, but he is testing them with the bottles just as he tested C.
I have a regular check-up with my doctor today, and she's really great about asking after my state of mind. I'll mention some of the things I'm feeling and see what she says, but I'm sure she'll say the same thing you have.
I hope this "situational depression" as Kate has called it, lifts up soon... I'm glad that you're paying very close attention to your feelings, though.
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