Thursday, February 11, 2010

A trip to Home State

On Sunday, we're traveling to Home State to visit our families for Reading Week (what CU calls Spring Break. It falls way too early here to be called anything close to Spring Break.). I have to admit that I am not remotely excited to be going to visit our families, and as soon as we booked the tickets I regretted our decision. Why do you ask? Primarily because I could use a week of uninterrupted work. The boys' daycare will be open during Reading Week (or at least T-F), so if we had stayed in CU Land, I could have actually gotten some work done. But I'm also not looking forward to all the family drama that is likely to take place. And even if there is no drama (ok, even if there is minimal drama) there will still be catty comments and lots of frustrations.

So why are we going? Well, we haven't been to Home State in over a year. My dad, C's brother, and our nephews have not yet met Bear. I haven't seen my childhood best friend (we've been friends since we were 8, and seeing her is the one thing I'm excited about) in 2 years. And Yetta was constantly asking, "When are you coming home?" Add to that the fact that C will be in Home State in March to give a lecture at our undergrad alma mater, and there was no way we could work a trip to Home State for all 4 of us mid-semester and mid-week. Going now seemed like a good idea a few weeks ago. But, as I've said, traveling to see our families is always fraught with tension, and quite frankly, a lot of it is due to the idiotic machinations and manipulations of C's mother and my mother's complete inability to plan or socialize. For example, last night I called my mom to give her our flight information since she's picking us up at the airport (my dad works at the end of the week, so we're spending the first part of the week with my family). I told her that Yetta wants to come by her house sometime on Sunday to see the boys, and I then added that maybe Yetta could just come by for lunch. Mom immediately said, in a total panic, "But what will I make?! I was planning on going by the grocery story after I picked you all up, so we could get whatever you wanted for the week." I swear I really wanted to reach through the phone and smack her. I calmly pointed out that we would be arriving at lunchtime, after getting on a plane at 7 am. "Taking Wild Man to the grocery store when he is both tired and hungry is not a good idea, Mom, " I said. I then asked if she could just have lunch stuff on hand.

I really don't understand why it is so hard to plan a little ahead. I remember visiting my grandparents when I was a kid, and the refrigerator was always well stocked and the house was ready for us. We weren't expected to go to the grocery store the moment we arrived. My grandmother spent days cooking before we got there. I certainly don't expect my mom to do this, but I also don't expect to have to plan the menu for the entire time I'm there. I'm really not that hard to please, I swear. But I do want to feel like they want us there and that they've planned for our arrival just a little.

3 comments:

Lilian said...

Oh dear, I'm sorry about all that. I hope the trip is not SO bad in the end :-(.

Inside the Philosophy Factory said...

I'm no expert on your family -- but, maybe your mom doesn't want to put the kind of pressure on you that Yetta seems to...

Also, the grocery thing could be a wish to make sure y'all are comfortable. It's been a while since your mom had young kids, so she's probably forgetting that a long plane trip = hungry kids, thus = not a good time to shop..

M said...

I'm sure the trip will be fine, and I know I'll enjoy it. I tend to do this--I freak out in anticipation of everything.

ITPF, you're right on some counts, I think. I know my mom is seeking to avoid a lot of the pressure, but my mom is also just not a social person--at all. I was talking about that with another friend earlier this week, and as I told her, my parents don't have any friends. I mean they have friends through work, but the do not see anyone outside of work at all. They never go out with people, and they never have anyone over. So part of them not planning big events is because they don't want to pressure me, but most of it is that it just doesn't occur to them to make a big deal out of anything. In a lot of ways that makes for a restful visit. We can come and go as we please, and they don't care if we go out with our friends (or they don't care as much as Yetta). But when it comes to simple things like not going to the grocery store before we get there, it feels like they can't be bothered to prepare for our visit. I know it isn't that they aren't excited to see us, but that is how it feels. I have tried to talk to her about this, but I haven't had a lot of success.