Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Sources of Stress

Because I like reminding myself that I am stressed out, here are the sources of my stress:

  • C left for yet another on-campus interview today. So far he has been on 5 (including this one), and as of yet, he still does not have a job offer. We were both really hoping that he'd get an offer from one of the 3 schools he is really interested in late last week or early this week so he didn't have to go on any more interviews.
  • I've been officially been working on my dissertation for just over a year, and thus far, I only have a draft of one chapter. I'm disappointed in my progress.
  • C's car, which used to be my car, is leaking oil everywhere. We either need to buy a new car (which is only an option if he gets a job) or put a new engine in it (which will cost us at least $1,200).
  • My annoying fellow graduate students keep recalling books that I'm using for the chapter I'm currently working on.
  • I only have 10 pages written for the chapter I'm currently working on.
  • My house desperately needs to be cleaned--as in I can write my name in the dust on our bookshelves and the kitchen floor is gray instead of white.
  • I don't know how C is going to cope if he doesn't get an offer. He is already second guessing everything he said or did at every single interview, and he is feeling more than a bit discouraged. I can only offer so much encouragement too; he knows how much I know about the academic job market, so lots of times my encouragement comes off as patronizing, even though I don't intend to be patronizing.
  • I miss my husband.
Tomorrow I will be more positive, and perhaps, I will even post about the wonderful things in my life. In the meantime, I'm going to write for the next several hours.

*Amended to say: Usually writing these things out makes me feel better, and so today I wrote hoping that I would experience a catharsis and would feel better. It didn't work.

4 comments:

AcadeMama said...

It all makes sense, so just to acknowledge without advising, I'm sorry things suck right now.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure if this will be comforting but, in the twisted, misery-loves-company sort of way, all I knew about my dissertation when I was one year into the process was that my dissertation wasn't about what I had just spent the past year researching. And I honestly had no idea what it was really about. So I think you're doing great and should not beat yourself up about your progress. So much work goes into the development of a dissertation and never makes it into the actual manuscript--it sucks, but that doesn't mean it isn't progress (at least this is what I tell myself). I could relate to so many of your stressors. Maybe not cathartic, but does it help to know you're not alone?

M said...

Thanks Jennie and Academama--for reading and acknowledging. It does help a lot to know I'm not alone.

L said...

I'm sorry that blogging about it didn't make it feel better, but glad to read in subsequent posts that things are better now. Can't wait to hear more! :-)