Random Thoughts

• I'm thinking so many things, some personal, some professional. I'm having a hard time processing everything. I want to write, but I seem to keep getting caught in other semi-mindless tasks that have to be accomplished, but that aren't nearly as rewarding as writing.
• My nephew, whom I'll call Brown Eyes (BE) went home this weekend. He wasn't happy about it, but my sister wanted him home. It's nice to be our family of 4 again, but I also feel guilty for feeling that way. BE isn't getting enough attention at home, and while he was starting to drive me a bit crazy, I know his neediness was symptomatic of not getting enough attention. It was hard to parent a 13 month old, a 3 1/2 year old, and a 13 year old. I'm not sure I always did the best job of it as doing so often required a complete change of attitude every 45 seconds. BE's needs are very different than Wild Man's or Bear's, and although he is 13, his needs were not necessarily any less immediate. I'm very angry with my sister because I feel like BE has gotten lost in the shuffle of her life the last few years. I realize that I can't begin to understand what she's gone through (divorce, remarriage, two cross country moves due to jobs (well, I can relate to that), bi-polar diagnosis, and job loss) in the past 5 years, but I don't think that BE has been her main priority. When she didn't return phone calls for a week (3 from me, 2 from BE), I was pissed. When she finally got back to me, I let her know that regardless of her state of mind (she was having problems regulating medication) not calling the person back who is caring for her child is unacceptable. If she wasn't in a position to talk to me or to BE, she could have asked her husband to call us, and I pointed that out as kindly as I could. I'm worried about BE. My niece has survived all of this because she is more outgoing and makes her needs known. BE is quiet and fades into the background of the chaos at home. I told my sister and her husband that they need to be more aware of him and get more involved in his life. Sis actually seemed to pay attention, but who knows what will happen?
• I need a social life, seriously. One of our dear friend's son's from Southwest College Town celebrated his fourth birthday this weekend, and she posted pics of the festivities on Facebook. I literally cried seeing all of our friends together. I miss those weekends. I know it isn't the same as several of the friends have moved away, but given my location in CU Land it is very easy for me to idealize those moments. I've made 2 friends here, and I'm working hard to cultivate those relationships. It isn't easy though to find people to hang out with, especially when all the other complications of life are added in. What was so great about life in Southwest College Town was that we all became friends before we had children, and then we had children at approximately the same time.
  
• I'm continuing to write, and although I'm behind schedule, I'm hoping to have the article out by the end of next week, if not sooner.
• I'm trying to be optimistic about the job market this year. I'm trying to get organized a head of time, and I'm already revising my letters. I don't have high hopes, but I'd like to have some interviews.
• Wild Man has become a sassy preschooler, and I'm finding I don't have a lot of patience for backtalk. I feel like we end up sticking him in time out a lot, and I'm not sure that is a particularly effective form of discipline. I bought some stickers this weekend, and I want to make some sort of reward chart. I think that using positive reinforcement will be more beneficial that negative reinforcement.
• I've had too much coffee this morning.
• Bear is still not walking, but he is getting more confident about cruising around the house. He also says mama, dada, baba (brother), more, nana (banana), up, choo choo (he loves trains and cars), duck, and something that sounds like Wild Man's name. He is so different than Wild Man. We went to the park last night after dinner, and at this age, Wild Man was flinging himself down the slide head first. Bear will only go down the slide in my lap, and he refuses to let go of my or C's hand when he's on the climber. He is downright cautious in comparison to Wild Man.
• We leave for vacation to see some of our best friends (including our lovely goddaughter) in about 10 days, and I can't wait.