Random Stuff

• Archer's been home today searching for Bear's birth certificate, which we seem to have misplaced.  He just called to tell me that he found it in the "Life Insurance Policy" folder in our filing cabinet.  Suddenly I knew immediately why it was there.  We needed it and our life insurance policy information when we had our wills made up in May.  Somehow his birth certificate never got put back in the right place.
• It is snowing.  It isn't sticking, but still, it is snowing.
• I've finished my antibiotics, and my cough is mostly gone.  I'm still fairly congested and snotty though.  I'm giving it till Monday, and then I'm going back to the doctor.
• Archer and I are buying each other a new furnace for Christmas.  I know, we're super-romantic.  We found a local business who quoted us a really reasonable price, and we're much happy going with a local business than a big corporation--especially when the quote is about $3,000 under the big corporation.
• We're thinking of getting the boys a train table like this.  I want one that does more things though.  Bear is still into trains, but Wild Man has moved beyond trains a bit.  He is really into legos, and I think this is a fascination that is here to stay.  I'd like a table that could be used for trains or for legos.  I'm having a hard time finding such a thing.
• The article I submitted a few weeks ago was rejected.  It was the nicest rejection I've ever gotten, so I'm not sure what I think.  I was told that it is very well written and that it present a very interesting idea; it does not, however, add to the current argument on the subject.  Ok, fine.  I'll take that.  I've spent a few days rereading and editing some minor places.  I've found some very current (2010) sources that will help me develop my argument, and I've already spoken with another editor.  I'm hoping to get it out by next week.  
• I'm behind in other tasks, including a book review and a grant I need to finish.  I'm trying to get back on track.  I've had some major distractions that I'm not at liberty to discuss yet.
• My sister is coming to visit us for American Thanksgiving, which will be very, very nice.
• Archer and I have finally figured out a plan for renovating the basement, and I think we can do most of it ourselves.  We'll need to hire a contract to put in a closet and, eventually, a bathroom, but we can do a lot of it ourselves.
• I'm going to an elementary school open house tonight.  It is a school for the arts, and I think it might be a good place to send Wild Man at some point.  I don't think they'll have any spots open for next fall, but I want to check it out just in case.

Random Updates

• The cough continues to linger, and I finally made a doctor's appointment.  I can't get in until tomorrow though.  In the meantime, I sound fairly awful, and now it hurts to cough.
• We're tentatively making Christmas plans to travel to Home State, even though I'd much rather stay put.  Archer wants to be there for his brother, as it will be his first Christmas since he and his wife have decided to divorce.  I'm willing to go to support R, but I'm intensely worried that there will be drama.
• My sister and her children may be in Home State for part of the holiday, which made the decision to go a bit easier for me.
• I'm way behind on grading, but well, who isn't at this point in the semester?
• We're in the middle of getting estimates on furnaces, and let me tell you that one of the things I hate most about living in Canada: the high sales tax.  So far we've gotten two fairly reasonable estimates, and then we're reminded that the estimates don't include sales tax.  So then we have to add about $1,000 to the cost, for real.  So irritating.
• I took Wild Man to observe a violin lesson last week, and well, he loved it.  So now we're shopping for a violin, and he should start lessons next week.
• One of the trees outside my office window is the most beautiful yellow right now. I will be very sad when the leaves fall off.
• Bear is showing absolutely no interest in potty training. None at all.  And right now, I don't have the energy to encourage him.  This will be a family project over the Christmas break, I think.

Random Stuff

Classes started this week (for me and Wild Man, as Archer is blessed with a term off from teaching), so life has been a bit more hectic than usual.  Here are some random updates.

• Wild Man loves kindergarten, but it is wearing him out.  As I wrote earlier, it is all day this year, and while the daily schedule allows for lots of playtime, he has been wiped out every day this week.  In fact, he's been asleep by 7:30 each night.
• He is very, very happy that his "best" buddy is in his class.  I'm a bit less pleased as Wild Man and his best buddy tend to pay more attention to each other than to the teacher.
• Bear is going through a "MOMMY!" phase.  It's exhausting as I am the only one who can do anything for him.  
• The librarians at CU are on strike.  In their support, I attended my first Union rally today.  
• The house is mostly unpacked.  We're currently discussing decorating/painting/remodeling options.  Do we wait, or do we start right away?
• I still haven't bought a ticket to go to my friend's wedding.  Archer had yet another conversation with Yetta again last night, and yes, he told her one more time what days I'd like to travel.  It seems that Pita has the time off, but as they want to do some sight seeing on the way up to CU Land they won't be able to get here until the evening before I want to leave.  Um, seriously?  Is it totally unreasonable of me to think they'd want to get here at least a day before so that they can get a sense of the schedule, so we can introduce them to Wild Man's and Bear's teachers, and, you know, stuff like that?  I'm done.  I told Archer I'm going by myself, as much as I don't want to go to yet another good friend's wedding alone.  
• We have some major gardening to do this weekend to prep our flower and vegetable garden for the first frost.
• I have a department party to go to this afternoon.  I really, really hate these sorts of social gatherings.  I always feel awkward and out of place, especially as lots of my colleagues have yet to introduce themselves to me, but that is the subject of another post altogether.

Random Updates

Life has been a bit hectic since the last time I posted.  Here's the rundown.

• The Conference: it went really well.  In fact, it may have been one of the best conference experiences I've ever had, if not the best.  My paper, which I did finish in plenty of time, went over fairly well.  I'm not sure it was put in the best panel it could have been, but I got really good input.  I made two really good contacts, which makes me happy.  Beyond that I met some really interesting people, I got names of two people who work on an author that I work on, and I also met several publishers who seemed interested in my manuscript idea.  I also got to spend lots of time with my good friend Harrogate, and that made the whole trip worthwhile.
• The House: it officially goes on the market tomorrow.  And the damn thing has never looked so good, which really sort of pisses me off.  I mean, seriously.  Every room, save the laundry room, has now been painted.  We have new carpeting on the third floor.  The entire kitchen has been redone (which was done a while ago, but Archer finally finished off a few small things).  Every surface has been scrubbed/dusted/vacuumed/mopped.  It is insanely organized (which is something that we both agreed we need to keep up with).  Aside from the fact that all of my personal items are packed away, I love how it looks.
• House Hunting: this is still officially on hold as we've decided to wait to see what we'll get for our place.  We're committed to staying very close to the list price, so here's hoping that happens.  There are a few houses listed in our price range in the areas we're most interested in, and I'm hoping they will either still be on the market or that there will be new listings by the time our place sells.
• My research: I've got a few things going.  Apparently the conference paper that I wrote wasn't as crappy as I thought.  I need to do a lot more research, but it takes me away from the sort of thing I've been doing lately.  Also, if I turn this paper into something, it will represent the first substantial piece of work I've done since completing the doctorate.  I think that will give me a big ego boost.
• The boys: Wild Man is handling all the moving/packing/house selling stress well.  He is determined that moving means we can have a dog!  We'll handle the moving school issue once we definitely know where he'll be going to school.  Bear, who turns two in two weeks, is doing less well.  He's cutting his two-year molars, as well as all four eye teeth.  He and Wild Man had been sleeping in the same bedroom for the last ten months, and we recently separated them.  Wild Man barely noticed, but Bear really seems to miss his brother.  He had a string of restless nights last week, but this weekend, he finally seems to have settled down a bit.
• The extended family: my mom will be here for a visit in about ten days, and it looks as though my sister and her children will drive up for Bear's birthday.  That means we'll have a house full of people while our house is on the market.  Archer asked me if I thought that was such a great idea.  Indeed, I do not, but our families come to visit so rarely that I do not want to discourage them.  Yetta has planned some things for our visit to Home State.  This sort of thing drives me insane, as it makes me feel like my time is not my own, but I've decided to go with it.  Clearly, this visit (and similar ones) have little to do with me (and yes, I'm being a bit sarcastic here).  I think it will be less stressful on everyone if I give up a little control and just roll with the punches.  Of course, it may not be less stressful on me, but I'll give it a try.

That's where I am.  I've been thinking about a future post that is somewhat related to what I study, and we'll see if I manage to write that at some point in the future.

Random Thoughts

Life is more than a bit hectic right now, and here are some random thoughts rolling around in my head.

• Two of my best friends are in Korea right now adopting their son.  I've been thinking about my friends and their family a lot this week.  
• Archer and I have decided to stop looking at houses until our house is ready to put on the market.  Despite seeing (we still haven't been able to get an appointment to see the inside) what I think maybe the "perfect" house, we know there is not point in looking.  At best, we'd only be able to put in a conditional offer, so we're pulling back until our house is on the market.  We won't feel comfortable putting a bid in on a place until ours is sold.  If we don't move this year, we don't move this year.
• Archer and I have started the necessary improvements to our house.  I organized our office this weekend, and it looks really good.  We've scrubbed the walls in Bear's room, and Archer has taken down all the pictures and patched the holes.  We were both pleased to discover that Bear's room only needs to be touched up.  
• This weekend I'm going to go through all the boys' old clothes to figure out what we can keep for Bear and what we can get rid of.  This will be incredibly hard for me, as it reaffirms our decision not to have a third child.  Getting rid of Bear's and Wild Man's baby clothes definitely signals the end of babies in our life.
• As for Wild Man and school, if we don't move, we've decided to keep him in kindergarten at the school affiliated with his daycare.  Honestly, this is primarily for convenience (and yes, I feel like a horrible parent for admitting that).  But it is also to prevent him from going through two major school transitions in as many years.  To prepare him for French Immersion, we are planning to hire a tutor to work with him 2 days a week.  I've already emailed some people in the French department to get recommendations for tutors.  We're hoping to find a grad student who is looking for extra money.  
• Bear has settled into his new room at daycare very well.  He is now in a toddler room, and he will be there until he is two and a half.  Since leaving the infant room (b/c our province offers a year of paid maternity leave most babies don't go into daycare until they are 10 months or older, so they stay in an infant room until about 18 months old), his vocabulary has exploded.  He is already talking in short sentences, and he repeats everything.
• Yetta arrives next week for a week long visit.  She has called Archer every day for the last four days asking about what sort of "special" things she can do with Wild Man.  She's upset that he isn't in swimming lessons right now, not to mention the fact that she's annoyed that Canada's growing season means she won't get to take Wild Man to pick strawberries or to pick anything else, something she always does with our nephews who live in Home State.  Does anyone else notice that she seems to have forgotten that she has two grandchildren living in Canada?
• I have a meeting with Dr. English next week to ask all sorts of questions about research.  I've been looking at the faculty profiles online, and let's just say that I'm a bit intimidated.  I've asked myself more than once why he thinks I am a good fit for this school.  Archer keeps telling me to stop questioning myself.  His logic is Dr. English thinks I can do it, so just do it.  It is good advice, and I'm working on silencing the voice of self-doubt.  I have some ideas, and I want some feedback as to whether or not Dr. English thinks they are worth pursuing.
• I have to finish inputting my grades for my Women's Studies class--the last class I will be teaching for that department for the foreseeable future.  I'm equally happy and sad about that.  I'm happy not to have to be a part of a department that I never felt like I was a part of, but I will miss the students.
• That's it for now.  I could write a lot more, but I need to get to work.

Random Updates

A lot is going on right now (as usual, right), and here are some updates.

• The article I submitted last week has already been rejected.  Disheartening, yes.  Altogether unexpected, no.  The reader's report was helpful, and I think I can fix it.  It seems I'm not making it clear what I'm adding to the conversation.  So my argument isn't effective.  The reader said some very complimentary things about my writing, which is helpful.  I've asked a good friend to read the article.  At this point I'm too close to know what needs to be changed.  I trust this person a lot, so I'm trying to stay positive.
• Archer now has two interview lined up for his field's major conference.  One of the schools is driving distance from Home State, the other is a member of the Ivy League.  Not sure how I feel about either of those things.
• In reference to my cryptic post earlier this week, my sister, who has bi-polar, has suffered a major depressive episode, complicated by a change in medication.  After much consultation, I finally convinced her she needed someone there to help her.  My mom will get there tomorrow evening and will be there for a week.  She has also voluntarily checked herself into the hospital today, which I think is for the best.  I've been talking to my niece every day, and I think she and my nephew are doing ok.  It's hard to say though.  Brown-eyed girl's tendency is to be tough.  I considered going there all week, but when my mom stepped up, I decided not to go.  Now I'm feeling guilty about that decision.
• I just received an email from the undergrad chair of one of the departments I teach for.  They want to modify an existing course to have it act as a pre-req for a special topics course I taught last fall--the first time such a course had ever been taught at CU.  The undergrad chair wants me to write the course description for the course.  What does this mean?  Is this good news, or just news?
• I need a cocktail--in fact, I need several.

Random Thoughts

• I'm thinking so many things, some personal, some professional. I'm having a hard time processing everything. I want to write, but I seem to keep getting caught in other semi-mindless tasks that have to be accomplished, but that aren't nearly as rewarding as writing.
• My nephew, whom I'll call Brown Eyes (BE) went home this weekend. He wasn't happy about it, but my sister wanted him home. It's nice to be our family of 4 again, but I also feel guilty for feeling that way. BE isn't getting enough attention at home, and while he was starting to drive me a bit crazy, I know his neediness was symptomatic of not getting enough attention. It was hard to parent a 13 month old, a 3 1/2 year old, and a 13 year old. I'm not sure I always did the best job of it as doing so often required a complete change of attitude every 45 seconds. BE's needs are very different than Wild Man's or Bear's, and although he is 13, his needs were not necessarily any less immediate. I'm very angry with my sister because I feel like BE has gotten lost in the shuffle of her life the last few years. I realize that I can't begin to understand what she's gone through (divorce, remarriage, two cross country moves due to jobs (well, I can relate to that), bi-polar diagnosis, and job loss) in the past 5 years, but I don't think that BE has been her main priority. When she didn't return phone calls for a week (3 from me, 2 from BE), I was pissed. When she finally got back to me, I let her know that regardless of her state of mind (she was having problems regulating medication) not calling the person back who is caring for her child is unacceptable. If she wasn't in a position to talk to me or to BE, she could have asked her husband to call us, and I pointed that out as kindly as I could. I'm worried about BE. My niece has survived all of this because she is more outgoing and makes her needs known. BE is quiet and fades into the background of the chaos at home. I told my sister and her husband that they need to be more aware of him and get more involved in his life. Sis actually seemed to pay attention, but who knows what will happen?
• I need a social life, seriously. One of our dear friend's son's from Southwest College Town celebrated his fourth birthday this weekend, and she posted pics of the festivities on Facebook. I literally cried seeing all of our friends together. I miss those weekends. I know it isn't the same as several of the friends have moved away, but given my location in CU Land it is very easy for me to idealize those moments. I've made 2 friends here, and I'm working hard to cultivate those relationships. It isn't easy though to find people to hang out with, especially when all the other complications of life are added in. What was so great about life in Southwest College Town was that we all became friends before we had children, and then we had children at approximately the same time.
  
• I'm continuing to write, and although I'm behind schedule, I'm hoping to have the article out by the end of next week, if not sooner.
• I'm trying to be optimistic about the job market this year. I'm trying to get organized a head of time, and I'm already revising my letters. I don't have high hopes, but I'd like to have some interviews.
• Wild Man has become a sassy preschooler, and I'm finding I don't have a lot of patience for backtalk. I feel like we end up sticking him in time out a lot, and I'm not sure that is a particularly effective form of discipline. I bought some stickers this weekend, and I want to make some sort of reward chart. I think that using positive reinforcement will be more beneficial that negative reinforcement.
• I've had too much coffee this morning.
• Bear is still not walking, but he is getting more confident about cruising around the house. He also says mama, dada, baba (brother), more, nana (banana), up, choo choo (he loves trains and cars), duck, and something that sounds like Wild Man's name. He is so different than Wild Man. We went to the park last night after dinner, and at this age, Wild Man was flinging himself down the slide head first. Bear will only go down the slide in my lap, and he refuses to let go of my or C's hand when he's on the climber. He is downright cautious in comparison to Wild Man.
• We leave for vacation to see some of our best friends (including our lovely goddaughter) in about 10 days, and I can't wait.
  

Random Updates

• Yesterday I typed up a to do list of things I have to get done before the end of summer. The list is long, and I'd much rather just chill out for a few weeks. But I will start plugging away next week.
  
• This week has been spent trying to beat the heat. The temps are in the 90s with 80% humidity, which isn't so hot for a girl from the South. But the South has AC and CU Land, not so much. In fact, C went out Monday and bought two window units so that we could sleep in relative cool. Bear has been miserable with the heat, and Wild Man isn't fairing much better. We installed one unit in Bear's room and the other in ours (Wild Man's room faces the street, and our condo association doesn't allow window units in those rooms). To stay cool, Wild Man has been sleeping on a pallet in our room. It's been a stressful few days because of the heat, but we're managing.
• My 13-year-old nephew is visiting for a few weeks, and I'm having a hard time finding things for him to do. He asked to come visit b/c things are a little tough for him at home right now, so we said yes without really thinking about what he would do. Wild Man and Bear are maintaining their daycare schedule, and C and I are trying to get some work done. My nephew isn't great at keeping himself entertained, and every time I turn around he is standing right behind me. We don't know many teenagers in our area, so we're trying to come up with things for him to do next week. I want him to have a good time, but I'm not sure what he can do. We've already taken him to the library and the bookstore twice, he's played his video game endlessly, and he has hung out on campus with us. He's bored, and I'm getting a bit frustrated by his response of "I don't know" whenever I ask him what he wants to do. But Wild Man loves him, and they are getting a lot of time together. Plus he is getting some serious one-on-one time with C and I, which I know he needs.
  
• Tomorrow we're heading to the beach with some friends, and I'm hoping Wild Man and Bear will enjoy it. These friends have teenagers, so I'm also hoping my nephew will click with one of them and spend sometime with them next week.
• Now I have to go figure out what to do for lunch.
  

Random Chaotic Notes

My life is a whirlwind right now, so here are some random things I'm thinking. And some of this may explain why I feel like I'm screaming silently.

• Wild Man is enrolled in Junior Kindergarten, which will begin in September. After 3 weeks of research and talking to various people, we finally decided to send him to a school that is affiliated with his daycare. We chose this school for several reasons. First, it is a great school, in the top 5 elementary schools in our province. Second, he can continue in the daycare; in fact, as we're out of area, he can only go to the school because he is enrolled at the daycare. He will be walked to and from school by his daycare teachers. Third, putting him in JK buys us some time to make further decisions about his and Bear's education. Ultimately, (assuming we stay in Canada) we want the boys to go to French Immersion school. We feel like they would really benefit from that experience for lots of reasons. But we have recently discovered we're not in the school district we thought we were in, so to send the boys to the "right" FI school, we have to move. Wild Man has to start FI by grade 1, so enrolling him in this school for JK and SK gives us 2 years to do that.
• I'm continuing to apply for jobs off of the spring list, which has even slimmer pickins than the fall list. I've applied for 3 jobs and 2 post-docs. I have 1 more post-doc to put in for and 1 visiting position. I'm not remotely hopeful, but whatever, I'm doing it.
• C has an interview at his field's major conference in a few weeks. As I may or may not have written earlier, he went on the market this year as a bargaining tool with CU Land. The school that wants to interview him is something of a big deal, so he's excited and he's not. Further the conference is about 3 weeks away, so he could get more.
  
• He met with his chair, Dr. Nice Guy, to keep him apprised of the situation. He was very clear: he'd prefer not to go to the interviews, but he'll go unless CU Land can make me some sort of offer. So now it's in his chair's hands, and this is a guy who has also become a good friend of ours. Dr. Nice Guy is not only committed to keeping C here, but he is also committed to helping us anyway he can. He is going to the dean with this information, and we'll see where that goes.
• Given this there is an outside chance I might be offered something more permanent that what I have now. We'll see what we see.
• Before all of this transpired, C and I had a lengthy discussion about me, the job market, and his reaction to me being on the job market. This discussion was very necessary after my less than generous reaction to finding out he got an interview. Let's say I had to leave the room for a few minutes because I was upset and more than a bit jealous. In that moment, I realized how upset I am by this year's search and how much I want this for myself, not for anyone else. I remembered that I do have ambitions of my own and I do want to fulfill them. As I told C, I'm not jealous because I think any of his success is unmerited. I've been with him through this entire process. I know better than anyone how hard he has worked, but I also know I've worked that hard too. I want my work to be recognized somehow.
  
• Talking about these things was good, although hard. We came to the conclusion that we could actually be happy staying in CU Land permanently. On some level that would be a relief. I find that, more than anything, perhaps even more than a tenure-track job, I want a sense of stability for my family. I want to be able to stop thinking, "Well, if we're still here we'll do this. . ." I want to know. I want to be able to commit to this community and to the friends I've made. I want to stop feeling like I need to hold part of myself back so that I don't get too attached if we just move next year. I want to stop worrying about how Wild Man and Bear will deal with a potential move. I want to establish roots for my family, and if staying here means we can do that and I get to start my career, then I want to do that, very, very much.
• I also know that I can stay at CU, teaching part-time, if that is what is best for my family.
• C talked to him mom about this yesterday, and that conversation, even though I had no part in it, left me angry and in tears. He explained all this to her--focusing on the possibility that I may be offered something more permanent here. Her reaction was expected, but still upsetting. She apparently paused and said, "So you'd stay in Canada then? Permanently? Why?" She never said how great that would be for us or anything. Once again, she made it all about her. Her reaction isn't remotely surprising, but for some reason, I though she might be happy for us, even just momentarily. I don't know why, but I need that. I need her to know that this would be good for us, while fully understanding that it means she has to give up on the dream that we'll live in Home State.
  
• I decided to call my mom after C spoke with his, and for once, my mom came through. She was very positive and hopeful and kind. She said, "I know how hard you guys have worked to find jobs in the same place, M. This would be so great for you and your family. I'll keep my fingers crossed." And she even got something that Yetta didn't. She cautiously asked, "Does this mean you'd have more money to come home more often?" I said, "Yes, we definitely would. It would actually enable us to rent a beach house for a few weeks in the summer in Home State if we wanted to." My mom was definitely excited about that.
• Now I'm waiting. And I'm reminding myself that this likely won't work, that nothing will come of it. I'll be in this same position next year. I'm not usually so negative, but now that this possibility really exists, I know how much I want this, how much I want all of this to work for us in CU Land. And I can't let myself hope too much.
  

Random Updates

As usual, I'm thinking 18,000 at one time, and none of the thoughts are coherent. Here are some random things floating around in my brain right now.

• Bear had his 6 month check-up today. He is 27.5 inches long and weights 18 pounds, 6 ounces. His head circumference is 18.5 inches. He is in the 75% for height and weight and in 90% for his head size. Yes, he takes after his father.
• Wild Man was very happy to return to preschool today. In fact, when I picked him up, he said to me, "Mommy, I love school."
• I return to teaching tomorrow, and as usual, I'm only moderately prepared.
• I teach a night class on Tuesdays this term, and neither C nor I am remotely excited about that.
• I began revising on of my diss chapters into an article before last term ended. I'm hoping to have the revisions finished and to send it off in 2 weeks.
  
• I just did a quick search of the "Spring Job List," and it is a bit sad. I found about 8 jobs I can apply for, most of them post-docs. I'm still on the fence about post-docs. I didn't apply for any off the fall list primarily b/c we won't leave CU for a post-doc. I also doubt that a post-doc will give me much negotiating power with CU. That said, several of these are at fairly prestigious schools, so I'm rethinking my former take on post-docs.
• Since it seems unlikely I'll have any on-campus interviews before mid-February (I am still waiting to hear on several jobs I applied for off of the fall list, so it could happen), we're planning a trip to Mexico for Reading Week, which is CU's equivalent to Spring Break (except it is the 3rd week in February, which is most certainly not spring in CU Land). C was awarded a curriculum grant, and he needs to go to Mexico to take some photographs. I think the boys and I will join him and hang on the beach while he goes off photographing various locations
  
• That's it for now. I think I will head to bed early. Bear had several immunizations today, so I except he'll be up in a while.
  

Random Updates

Life is a bit crazy in our house, which seems to be a recurring theme. As I posted a few days ago, lots of things are going through my head right now. Here is a random sampling of things.

• I am behind on grading and am thankful that grades are due late here. I have to finish grading today.
• As of yet, I haven't received any interview requests, which is more than a bit disheartening. It feels like the entire term was a waste. All the time to get job letters and materials out was for naught. I am alternating between sad and indifferent. Today sad seems to be winning out.
• Bear is adjusting well to daycare, although I continue to struggle with it. I think part of my sadness is due to the fact that I sacrificed a lot of time with Bear for the job search. Without an interview, I feel like I could have spent my time with my baby.
• We traveled to my sister's house and my grandparents' house this weekend. I learned that I am not much like my sister, and that is a relief for a variety of reasons.
• I have a cold that will not go away. We're on week three and it is still hanging around.
• I am getting increasingly angry at my father, who still has yet to meet Bear. I need to devote an entire post to this soon before I totally lose it with him. Perhaps writing about my feelings will prevent me from having a total meltdown with him.
• I'm still frustrated by all the conversations about me at CU Land. C is hopeful that Dr. Nice Guy, the chair of C's department, will be able to work out a limited-term appointment for me here (it is the equivalent of a visiting prof position). But, as usual, all these conversations are happening without my input. I find it really frustrating that everyone asks C what I want out of a job, but that no one, at least no one in a position of any power, asks me.
• Wild Man is trying to eliminate naps. This is making for some very long evenings in our house.
• Wild Man has also asked for a hippo for Christmas. He is obsessed with hippos and has several toy hippos, but now he wants a real one.
  
• I still have some shopping to do, and I have no desire to do it.
• This weekend we're going to make cookies, and I'm sincerely hoping that will put me in a holiday mood. I was in a good mood until this week, but all my job search frustration seems to have taken care of that mood.
  

Random Thoughts

I haven't been blogging regularly, and while I miss, I don't have the time or the energy to post as much as I used to. In fact, I'm writing this at 6:30 in the morning, as Bear woke me up at 5:45 ready to play. I had to get up in 45 minutes anyway, so we're hanging out downstairs while C and Wild Man continue to sleep. Bear is currently playing with his favorite toy and trying to sit up on his own, while I do some things on the computer. I'm thinking about so many different things lately, so I thought I'd post some random thoughts.

• MLA is in about 6 weeks, and I still haven't decided what to do about the conference. I made hotel reservations in September, but I haven't bought a plane ticket. In fact, we can't decide if I should go, if the whole family should go, or if Bear and I should go. I'd rather take the whole family if only because I won't be worried about everyone. If I take Bear with me, I know there will be lots of friends there who will happily take care of him if I'm in an interview, but I also know I'll be more relaxed if I know Bear is with C. C thinks I should go on my own, but Bear will only be 6 months old at that point. He'll still be nursing a lot, and he is still nursing a lot at night (at least twice). I'm not sure either of us is ready to be away from each other for that long. So we're currently contemplating other options.
• We also can't decide if we want to fly or drive. Flying has its advantages, but it is expensive. Driving is, well, driving. Putting the boys in the car for 8+ hours isn't my idea of fun. Although given the fact that we'd likely fly out of the nearest big U.S. city, we may as well just drive and have the freedom of having our own car.
  
• I have about 12 more applications to send off in the next 2 weeks, and at that point, I will have applied for about 36 jobs. I've eliminated and added some along the way. I've heard from two schools requesting my full dossier, so we'll see what we see. C is very confident that I'll get interviews this year, but I'm not so sure. I think he is being a supportive husband more than anything else.
• Wild Man has been very clingy and needy since C's return. For the past few days he is demanding hugs and kisses from both C and I all the time and randomly announcing, "I love you, Mommy. I love you, Daddy." I think this has something to do with C's recent trip and all the family who have come and gone in the past two weeks. He seems to want to make sure that no one is going anywhere for a while, which is another reason why I'd rather just take everyone to MLA.
• I finally gave in and started Bear on solids. We initially tried a few weeks ago, at C's insistence and our doctor's suggestion. She said he was showing all the indications that he was ready, which, frankly, I disagreed with. The first night we gave him some very runny rice cereal mixed with breast milk he just let it run down his chin and started screaming. I felt justified knowing I was right! But while C was gone, Bear began reaching for my plate and watching everyone eat. He even started imitating us chew. About 2 weeks after we first tried rice cereal, I tried it again, and he willingly (and happily) ate about 2 tablespoons. We've since introduced oatmeal, which he seems to prefer, and sweet potatoes, which he loves. Since he is so much younger than Wild Man was when he started solids, I want to introduce new foods more slowly. And since Bear is likely my last baby, I want to do things with him that I didn't do with Wild Man, so I'm trying my hand at homemade baby food. I made Wild Man a few things, but it was easier at that time to buy jarred baby food. In all honesty, it would be easier this time around too, but I want to start Bear off on organic food, at least for the first year. Organic produce is much cheaper than organic baby food in CU Land, so I'll be able to make baby food and freeze it for a lot less than I could buy it already made.
• I cannot believe Christmas is only 6 weeks away. I have done nothing to prepare. I will be hitting the internet again to send gifts to family in the States. I think we're going to get Wild Man an art easel, but I have no idea what to get Bear. Or C for that matter.
  
• I'm presenting at a conference in town tomorrow and am totally unprepared. Luckily the paper is written, although I haven't looked at it in about 3 years. I think it will be a late night. . .
  
• I'm contemplating hiring a baby sitter for a Saturday afternoon so C and I can go out alone, even if only for an hour. I have a student who has mentioned that she does a lot of babysitting. She seems to be really bright and dependable, and given her personality, I know Wild Man would like her. I'm not sure she could manage both boys though, especially given Bear's random unwillingness to take a bottle. I'm also not sure it's ethical for me to hire someone who is currently in my class.
• I guess I should stop writing and get my day started. . .
  

Random Updates

C just left to take Wild Man to school and took Bear along for the ride, so I actually have 45 minutes to myself. Before I take a shower, I thought I'd post some updates.

• I'm about 5 weeks into the semester, and we've finally settled into a routine of sorts. C and Bear have worked out most issues with the bottle, although Bear will still refuse it randomly. C is a bit frustrated that he isn't able to get more research or writing done, but he has been able to submit one grant application. And as he keeps reminding himself, he is on leave. His focus is supposed to be Bear, so it is ok if he doesn't get anything done.
• Wild Man turns 3 in less than a week. C and I are both having a hard time with that one. We've planned a birthday party for him at a local children's museum. This is the first party that will consist mainly of Wild Man's friends rather than mine and C's.
• In another milestone for Wild Man, we recently attend his friend's third birthday party. As we were leaving, C said to me, "You know, D is the first friend Wild Man has made on his own. He isn't the child of one of our friends, but someone Wild Man chose on his own to be friends with." This realization is making us both realize that Wild Man is definitely becoming his own person.
• Bear is a huge flirt. In fact, C says their best days together are ones in which they get out of the house at least once so that Bear can see and "talk" to other people. It is so fun to watch him interact with other people. And he is incredibly vocal for a 3 1/2 month old.
  
• I'm barely keeping up with my classes, and I'm actually enjoying my professional writing class a lot more than I thought I would. The students are vocal and actually want to talk about the things I'm lecturing on, which makes the classes more enjoyable for me.
• So far, I've applied to three jobs and have one more application due this week. The bulk of my deadlines are next month, so I'm trying to get a jump on that.
• Bear and I are going to a conference next weekend, while Wild Man and C stay home. I get to see two of my closest friends, so I'm excited about that. I am, however, a bit nervous about traveling with Bear on my own. C is also a bit concerned about how Wild Man is going to respond to being without his brother for the first time.
• When I return from my conference, I will be bringing my mom and older brother home with me; we're meeting in the airport and driving back to CU Land together. They'll be staying with us for ten days to help me with the boys, as C leaves a few days later to go on a research trip to Spain. I'm more than a bit annoyed that the best time for him to take this trip is mid-semester, but the prices are so inexpensive right now he had to go. It will be a crazy two weeks for us. Starting with my trip, C and I will be together only two nights out of fifteen. My mom and brother will be with me for most of the time that C is gone, but as my brother couldn't get the entire time off of work, their stay overlaps with Pita's, who is coming to help with the boys at the end of the trip. To make things crazier, C is actually taking his mom with him to Spain (and yes, I've told him he is totally insane), so when he gets home she'll return to CU Land with him.
• I'm not thrilled with this arrangement for a few reasons. First, I'm really excited to see my mom, my brother, and even Pita (whose nickname is less appropriate than it once was, but I don't see the point in changing it). I think they will be really helpful and distract Wild Man from C's lengthy absence. Second, Yetta will only be with us for 2 days. When C booked the trip, he tried to get her to stay longer in CU Land after their trip to Spain so she could spend more time with the boys. She flat out refused saying, "I've never been away from home for more than two weeks. I don't want to be gone any longer than that." Ok, so she's entitled to her feelings, and I respect those feelings. After all I prefer being in my own home, but I'm annoyed by this because she is already saying, "I won't get to see the boys for very long, and since you all aren't coming home at Christmas I don't know when I'll see them again." I don't need the guilt trip she's attempting to lay on us, and I've told her that. C pointed out that she is the one who is retired and that we're going to MLA in December in the hopes that I will actually have job interviews there. She's already tried to invite herself to Philadelphia, and C told her flat out no--or at least not until the conference is over. He and I are currently negotiating this one. Point blank: it's cheaper for her to visit us, and she has more free time.
• To make it worse, we're planning a short trip to see my grandparents in December. They live halfway between CU Land and Homestate, but we won't be making this trip very close to Christmas (b/c of MLA) or going on to Homestate as we did last year. Yetta is likely to invite herself there, which she has done before, and C will, once again, have to uninvite her. She really doesn't make this easy. . . If my mom and dad end up driving up to see us (these are my mom's parents), Yetta will really lose it.
  
• That said, we're trying to figure out when we'll get to Homestate again. C is really eager to make another visit, but it is a hard one to figure out logistically (and financially) right now.
• As I type this, I realize that I'm finally coming into my own as a mother of two. C and I are working really well together these past few weeks, and while we still have tense moments, we're focused on making life as stress-free as possible. I'm proud of us for getting through all the life changing events of the past year.
  

Random Thoughts

Here are some random things I've been thinking.

• My sister, who is a 5 hour drive away, came to help us with Wild Man while Bear was in the hospital. She was helpful to a degree, but she was also inconsistent with Wild Man and overly critical of my house. Honestly, it wasn't helpful to be told my house is cluttered and disorganized. I also didn't enjoy being told I don't have any taste.
• Pita was here last week to meet Bear, and we had a great visit. This visit reaffirms my belief that she is much easier to get a long with when she isn't with her mother, but that is a separate issue altogether.
• Bear's birth certificate finally arrived, which means we can travel out of Canada with him. We're finalizing plans for our trip to Southwest College Town.
• Wild Man moves up to a preschool room on Tuesday. He's spent the past two weeks transitioning to his new room. Some days he is excited to go, and others he would rather be in his old room.
• Bear slowly seems to be settling into a routine of sorts. He is taking lots of little naps and one long nap of about 2 hours during the day. I'm going my best to make the most of this nap by trying to get some work done on my fall classes. He is also ready to go down around 8:30 for the night, so I generally follow soon after. So far he sleeps for about 4 hours the first stretch and then wakes up about every 2 1/2 hours after that until 7:30 or so when he is up for the day. He is easier to get to sleep than Wild Man was and generally goes right back to sleep after nursing, so I'm averaging about 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night, although it is interrupted. C and I are taking turns sleeping in with Bear on the mornings he sleeps until 8 or 8:30. This gives us both a chance to hang out with Wild Man one on one.
  
• C and I are trying to find some time for us when we can. Generally this means when Bear and Wild Man are napping or after both boys have gone to sleep. It isn't ideal, but it is better than nothing.
• Wild Man is becoming more accepting of Bear's presence. He was really upset last weekend when Bear was at the hospital; in fact, he was more bothered by Bear's absence than by mine. He is still very dependent on me, but he has figured out that I can hug him while I'm nursing Bear, which is a big plus.
• Bear loves Wild Man. At almost 6 weeks, Bear completely lights up whenever he hears Wild Man. He smiles so big for Wild Man, and that makes me melt every time.
• Life with two children is harder than I expected, but it is also easier in some ways. I think I think it is easier because we know what to expect this time. I know Bear will be ok if I have to let him cry for a minute while I get Wild Man some milk. C knows that he will generally have to finish making dinner if Bear decides to nurse while I'm cooking. I've learned that my house can be a bit cluttered and disorganized and it isn't the end of the world (despite what my sister may think).
• Next week, I need to get more reading done for my fall courses and I have to start revising my job letter, which I drafted over a year ago. I don't want to get behind this fall, so I'm going to try to get as much done as possible.
• I also want to start organizing for our trip. This is the first time we'll be traveling with both boys, and I'm a bit daunted at all the stuff we have to take with us.
  

Random Updates

Life is a bit crazy in my house as of late. Here are some things that are going on and random thoughts that I can't seem to get out of my head.

• I will be out of town this weekend, leaving C and Wild Man on their own for 2-plus days. Well, not exactly on their own; Yetta and Pita are flying in "to help out" as Yetta puts it. Ordinarily I would be worried about this for various reasons I've discussed here before, but right now I'm not. I won't be here, so I won't be in control. And I'm mostly ok with that.
• I'm tired of winter. I mean really and truly tired of winter.
• We bought Wild Man new, used furniture this weekend. I found it on the Canadian equivalent of Craig's List, and it is solid wood furniture. We do need to refinish it, but C doesn't think that is too much of an undertaking as it only has a clear finish on it. It was a steal too, considering it is birch and includes 3 pieces. Wild Man can't wait to sleep in it, but we have to get a mattress first.
• I'm really worried that I won't be able to finish everything I still need to do in order to defend my dissertation before I can no longer travel. I know I could easily finish well before the deadline to file if I didn't have travel restrictions. As it is, I've convinced my midwife to let me travel as late as 36 weeks into my pregnancy, something C is not at all comfortable with.
  
• C is going out of town in early-April, and rather than stress out about how I'm going to manage Wild Man alone for 4 days at the beginning of my third trimester, I asked my sister to drive up and spend the weekend with me. Now that she is so close, I figured, what the hell? I can, of course, manage on my own, but frankly, C always gets help, so why shouldn't I? She wants to bring her kids with her, so she's trying to work out an agreement with her ex-husband (he has to give her written permission to take them out of the country). Barring any unforeseen events, they are coming. Wild Man will be thrilled to see his cousins, and I will be happy to have the company.
• Yetta is already asking about our plans for Christmas 2010. Note: this is not a typo. We've already told her that we have no plans to travel this holiday season as I will be on the job market. We're hoping I will, in fact, be at MLA immediately following Christmas. As Z will still be nursing a fair amount by then (I'm hoping at least) and as several of our closest friends will be there, we're planning a family trip out of it. She knows this, so she is already planning for Christmas 2010 when she "can have her entire family together for the first time in who knows how long." Yes, that is a direct quotation.
  
• My dad still has not gotten a passport despite the fact that I've asked him specifically to do so at least 5 times. He just doesn't seem to get that I live in a different country. I'm under no illusions that my dad is just going to randomly decide to visit, not even to see Z after she's born. But, as I've said to him, without a passport he can't even come to CU Land in the event of a medical emergency. His refusal to travel really hurts my feelings--a lot.
• My mom recently purchased a ticket to fly directly in to CU Land four days before Z's due date. She has also said that if I go over my due date she will extend the time she is planning to stay so she can help out with Wild Man. My mom is in a much better place than she was when Wild Man was born, so I'm excited. In fact, she even recently apologized for how little help she was at that time. She is also practicing using her GPS system so that she can take Wild Man to school if need by. That she is doing this means so much to me. My mom has a huge phobia of driving in places she doesn't know. We've had big fights about this in the past b/c her fear of driving has often meant that we have to ask Yetta to come help when one of us is out of town rather than her. She is working to overcome this phobia in order to help us out, and that tells me how much she cares about us.
• My sister is planning to get in her car and drive to CU Land the minute we tell her I'm in labor. Since she's the closest relative, she happily offered to do this for us. She came for five days after Wild Man was born and was so helpful. I really needed someone to take over so I could focus on Wild Man. Her presence was especially helpful given that C ended up flying to Home State 3 days after Wild Man was born to attend his dad's funeral. He wouldn't have done that if Sis hadn't been with me, and I know he would have regretted missing his dad's funeral. Sis has asked me what I want her to do, and I've told her to do just what she did after Wild Man's birth: run the show and let us focus on the baby. My Sis and I often disagree about a lot of things, so I know she feels special that I valued her help and want it again.
• I need to read 100+ pages in order to teach Thursday, but I'm really wondering if I can just wing it, since I've read the book before. Does that make me a bad teacher?
• C and I need more time alone together.
• I need more time to myself, and I seriously need to find some ladies to go out on the town with.

Random Updates

It occurred to me that most of my recent posts have been about C's job search. It also occurred to me that there have been other things going on in our lives that I want to write about. Here is a random assortment of happenings.

• Wild Man has become very interested in the potty. To encourage his interest we bought him a potty, and he sits on it every day before his evening bath. Several times he has actually peed in it. I don't think he is intentionally peeing in the potty, but he does seem to understand that is what the potty is for. Every time he does is C and I get very, very excited and give him lots of praise. And every time he looks at us as though we're completely crazy.
• Wild Man has taken to calling me "Daddy" lately, and I'm not sure why. If C tells him, "take this to Mommy" he comes right to me, but he hasn't called me "Mommy" or "Mama" in weeks. He still calls C "Daddy" though, so I guess we have the same name. I wonder if this has anything to do with all of C's recent trips.
• I am going to a conference in 2 weeks, and I'm equally excited and nervous. I'm excited to get feedback on this chapter which is an edited down version of my Wharton chapter, but I'm nervous to be away from Wild Man for so long. I will be gone for just over 48 hours, but I've never been away from him for longer than 8 hours. I also have to take my breast pump with me since Wild Man is still nursing in the evenings. I haven't pumped in months, so I'm so not excited about pumping, even only twice.
• I think I've finally figured out how to approach the current chapter I'm working on. In all honesty, I've been so preoccupied with C's job search that I haven't gotten a great deal of work done in the past few weeks. This week, however, I forced myself to write something. I also spatially mapped out the novel, something I did with The House of Mirth and found to be very helpful. Determining the spatial location of every scene in the novel helped me solidify my argument about the main character's relationship with space, both metaphorical and literal.
• I'm coming to terms with the reality that we may well be moving in a few months. I don't necessarily want to leave the small College Town we've come to think of as home, but I keep reminding myself that we knew this when we moved here--our time here was always going to be limited.