Friday, January 28, 2011

Facebook is annoying; or a family drama of sorts

In the next few weeks, Archer is planning to return to Mexico to finish the research he started in August.  To complete the project (for which he received a grant from CU), he has to travel to several sites, look at some documents, and photograph a bunch of buildings.  He'll be gone about 5 days, and he has planned the trip for Spring Break.  I would love to go.  I could use a vacation (who couldn't?), but I'm in the middle of two articles.  The week off from teaching will give me the time to finish these articles and get them out.  I need this time for my own work, so Archer will be going alone.  In the past few days, Archer has been contemplating Wild Man with him.  He wants to do this for two reasons: he thinks taking Wild Man will make my parenting load lighter, and he thinks this would be a cool trip for them to take together.  Wild Man is interested, but he's also a bit nervous about not having me and Bear with them. 

Last night, Archer posted something on Facebook about trying to decide if he would take Wild Man with him.  His sister immediately commented, writing: "So can't miss school to see his aunt or come to [home state] but go to Mexico - yeah I am putting u on facebook blast - how about some family proirities world traveler? Yeah I mad!"  Now, I really, really hate this kind of passive-aggressive statement.  Really.  And frankly, this statement encapsulates why I'm happy we don't live in Home State.  

Seriously, is it necessary to try to initiate an argument via Facebook? And I believe that is what Pita is trying to do.  There is nothing in this statement that suggests she want to have a conversation.  In fact, she is explicitly accusing Archer of not valuing his family, something she repeatedly does.  What she fails to recognize over and over again is that every single decision we make is for the benefit of our family, the family that we created together.  Do we consider Pita in every aspect of our life?  No, much as she doesn't consider us or our children in every aspect of her life.  I also really hate that she thinks she has the right to question Archer as a parent in such a public way.  I could go on and on, but instead, I'll just say that I understand she misses the boys (no, there is not a single part of me that thinks she misses me or Archer).  I understand that we don't get to Home State that often, and I understand that upsets her.  Hell, it upsets me.  I can respect and even validate those feelings if they are presented in a coherent way, in a way that invites conversation, in a way that is expressive without being combatant.  But don't try to call us out on Facebook and expect that we're going to engage in that kind of conversation publicly.  Grow up, Pita.  Now I will go back to work.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

No, there's no way to address this, even if she'd been more direct. Her hurt feelings are her own business. You two are not responsible for them and you should not have to get involved in a dialogue about them, even if they are expressed directly. I say that because the hurt feelings here are a by-product of you and Archer living your own lives and minding our own damn business. He is not taking the kid to Mexico to hurt her. She's inferring a conspiracy and well, that's just plain crazy.

Lilian said...

YIKES!! That was awful!

I guess Anastasia (who has lots of experience with that kind of awfulness coming from close relatives) has a good point... there's no use trying to argue with her.

M said...

I must admit I've thought about leaving various comments, but I think it is better not to engage. I'll just stir the pot.

I do appreciate the conspiracy comment though, and that hits the nail on the head. It is as if she thinks we sit around saying, "Let's take the boys to Mexico because it will piss Pita off!" Actually we say, "Let's take the boys to Mexico because it will be fun and a great experience for them." S

Anonymous said...

Exactly.