Venting

Yetta arrives tomorrow.  Those three words have the power to completely disrupt my life.  I'm not mentally prepared to deal with Archer's mother.  Most days, right now, I'm barely keeping it together.  I'm still adjusting to putting George in childcare, to being back in my office, to having to prep courses for the fall.  I have not had the mental space to prepare myself for 6 days with Archer's mother.  Oh, and her friend.  Because she refused to fly. And she won't travel alone.  She is bringing a friend.  And while I really love this particular friend, I do not need to add 2 people to the chaos of my daily existence for an extended period of time.  I just don't.  I'm sorry that I can't be more gracious and welcoming right now, but really.  I. don't. have. the energy. to entertain.  I care a great deal for my mother-in-law, and I do appreciate that she wants to be here for Bear's birthday (the ostensible purpose for her visit).  I do wish, however, she could be more thoughtful about when she plans her visits.  You know, bringing a friend to my two-bedroom, 1800 square foot home, while the basement is under construction (as in Archer is hanging sheet rock and rewiring the basement as I type this), isn't the easiest time for you to come.  Vent over.

Venting

As I posted a few weeks ago, Yetta and I have been getting along very well.  She has, however, made a few comments in the last few days that I'm trying hard not to let bother me.  To that end, I'm writing a post to get out my frustration rather than let it eat away at me.

• She called last night while Archer was taking Wild Man to soccer practice.  She called at 6:00, which she knows is dinner time at our house, and she wanted to have a lengthy conversation about the boys' school pictures.  Yes, that's right, she was calling to passive/aggressively remind me to send her copies of the boys' school pictures.  And I do mean passive/aggressively.
• While we were talking, she also asked if it is okay if she and Pita visit together during August.  Archer and I had thought that Yetta was coming alone and that Pita was coming sometime in the fall.  She assured me their visit will only overlap by 3 or 4 days; she told Archer 2 or 3 days.  I do not think I will be in the frame of mind to have them both in the house when the baby is only a few weeks old, but how can I say, "Um, no!"?  I've asked Archer to handle this as tactfully as possible.
• She also asked if we're planning to travel to Home State for Christmas.  Seriously. 
• She called this morning to wish Bear a happy birthday, which was incredibly thoughtful.  We were, however, trying to get out of the house (she called at 8:30), so Archer and I opted not to answer it.  Rather than leave a message, she hung up and called right back--three times.  So Archer finally answered it.  She also asked if we could have another birthday party for Bear when she's here in August.  Archer was forced to remind her we aren't having a birthday party for Bear (we are having some friends over for cake on Sunday, but that's it), and he was again subject to a lecture on what terrible parents we are.

I am fully aware that I am extra sensitive to everything right now.  In fact, last night Archer said something about renovating the basement, and I was suddenly in tears for no reason I could explain.  That said, I wish my MIL had it in her to be more aware that right now is not the best time to bombard me with lots of questions.  I am a place where I'm quite likely to be rude or start crying.  I am, after all, 36 1/2 weeks pregnant.

I get it already

*I have to say this and I don't really have anywhere else to say it, so I'm putting it here.  Please take this disclaimer to know that this post isn't directed at any of my close friends or regular readers.

We are officially out of the closet to everyone.  We even went so far as to post an ultrasound image on Facebook to share with our family and friends.  Why such a public statement?  Well, we realized that there were many, many people who didn't know about #3.  This seemed the easiest way to inform everyone in one shot without having to get into a lengthy discussion with lots of people.

The response has been overwhelmingly supportive.  A few people have expressed surprise, but in a very pleasant way.  And given my own initial reaction, I cannot fault anyone for being surprised.  So mostly everyone is happy we're expecting.  A few people, none of them close friends or family, have gone out of their way to express disappointment that #3 is a boy.  Okay, fine, whatever.  Say it and move on.  I can deal with, "Oh, I was hoping you'd have a girl."  I can handle, "Oh, three boys!  How unfair!"  I can even accept, "I'm so disappointed.  I wanted a girl."  I can accept all of those statements once.  I will chalk them up to the fact that the people making them don't know me that well, aren't aware of how much I value boundaries, and how much I see statements like this as offensive to me and my boys.  I can bite my tongue and keep my snappy retorts to myself once, twice, maybe even three times.  But when such statements are made by someone whom I view to be little more than an acquaintance over and over and over again--both to me privately and publicly--I start to lose my patience.  So to those people, I say--I get it.  You're sad.  I've validated your sadness over the fact that my baby is a boy.  Now shut up about it already.

Clearing my mind

I'm writing in an attempt to clear my mind so I can get work done this afternoon.  I've already gotten a bit done this morning, but it is mainly what I classify as busy work--looking up citations, searching for articles, and going to the library.  In the midst of all that busy work, here is what is going on.

• Archer has been trying to figure out the pregnancy and parental leave structure at CU and in our province.  You'd think this would be easy since he took parental leave when Bear was born, but no, it's proven to be incredibly difficult to figure out.  Why?  Well, this time we're both full-time employees of CU, and I've been working full-time for quite a while (at least as far as the province is concerned), even before I was considered a full-time by CU.  We thought this meant that we'd both be eligible for full benefits. But, no, as it turns out, only one of use is eligible.  So what does that mean?  Well, CU tops up the provincial subsidy for parental leave, which means full-time employees get 95% of their pay for 24 weeks of parental leave.  After the 24 weeks, employees receive the standard provincial subsidy which is 55% of their pay.  It turns out that if both parents are full-time employees only one is eligible for the top up.
• This causes a glitch because we can't afford to go six months on 55% of my pay, not with the cost of childcare and the cost of purchasing a new car at sometime in the very near future.  Oh, and we have to declare permanent residency, which for Archer, Wild Man, and myself will cost us around $3,500 a person.  There are apparently ways around this, and we're trying to figure those ways out.
• Figuring out these differences is also a source of stress.  Archer would rather talk to people we know and get info from them.  I would rather go see our HR rep and figure it out from one person who knows it all.  We've disagreed on whether it is a good idea to talk to our HR rep though.  Archer thinks it isn't a good idea until my contract is signed.  I say we already know that, barring a revolt on the part of the appointments committee, my position will convert, so let's deal with it now.  After waiting on Archer to make the appointment for a week (he volunteered to do it), I finally told him, "If you don't want to make the appointment, fine.  Tell me that.  I'll make it."  He made the appointment.
• Dr. English found me in the hallway yesterday and said, "Oh, hey, M, can you get me a writing sample?"  To which I said, "Um, sure."  And of course I can, but getting him a writing sample creates a bit of a problem because the most polished essay I have right now is the one I was planning to present at my interview.  So now that will be the writing sample, and I'm revising a different essay for the job talk.  I know I should have been prepared for this, but honestly, we've been talking about this process since October.  At no point did he ever mention a writing sample.  I stupidly assumed that since, you know, I've been working at CU for 3 1/2 years I might not need to submit one.  
• We leave on Saturday for a week in Home State.  Yetta has been great.  I said to Archer yesterday, "Wow, this is refreshing.  No one has called to tell us about plans or to say you have to be here at this time to do this. It's very nice."  Yes, well, I spoke too soon.  She called last night to say she's planned a family dinner for the only night I'm able to meet my best friend from high school (you know, the same friend whose wedding I was unable to attend, at least in part, because Yetta delayed making travel plans until the tickets to the out of the way location where the wedding was taking place were outrageous).  Yetta has already invited my brother and my parents to the family dinner, which is great, except I really want to see my friend.  So now I have to try to rearrange those plans.  Not a huge deal, but still it's annoying.
• Oh, and I'm really stressed out about how everyone will react to the pregnancy.  Archer told his brother last night, and he was, as usual, very supportive.  I think my parents will be fine, although surprised.  Yetta and Pita will be thrilled, but they will also be hurt that we waited so long to tell them.  They will also start asking when we're moving closer to Home State, and they will also say many, many things about wanting a girl.  
• I could go on and on, but you know, I'm tired.  I need to write.  So I'm going to put myself in the frame of mind to do that.

Another vent

As of right now, we're going ahead with our planned trip to Home State.  While I was initially excited about this trip, I am no longer excited.  Why might you ask?  Well as Archer and I began to plan the details I suddenly realized, this trip means 4 days in the car with the boys.  Seriously, there is no way this is fun.  It is tolerable.  It is manageable.  It will involve endless coloring, reading the same 4 stories over and over, and lots of Backyardigans on the iPad or the iPod.  It will also involve packing lunches and snacks to save money, except it is December.  Unless we're blessed with stellar weather on the drive South, we won't be able to picnic as it is quite likely to be cold.   I really don't want to drive.  Really.  I don't think I can emphasize that enough.  I really don't want to drive. 

So why are we driving?  Well, Bear is now 2 1/2, which means we would be paying for 4 tickets.  I priced tickets a few weeks ago, and they are holding steady at $250 each.  Given all the expenses for the house we've had, we don't have an extra $1,000 in the budget right now.  If we go, we're driving.  I'm seriously hoping for a massive snowstorm the day we're planning to leave.