Today would have been Archer's father's 64th birthday, something that both Archer and I completely forgot. I was only reminded when I randomly logged into Facebook to ask a friend a question and saw Pita's post. When I got home, I reminded Archer, not because I wanted him to feel bad, but because I don't want him to deal with the shitstorm he's likely to get from Pita and Yetta if he didn't call to ask how Yetta is doing. So he called, and Yetta was out. Pita said, "How are you doing?" He said, "I'm sick. I have a fever. I feel awful." She said, "No, I mean about the other." Archer gave a long, long sigh, and said, "I completely forgot. I only remembered b/c M said you posted it on Facebook. I'm fine. His birthday doesn't bother me." Pita didn't say much, but Archer told me he felt like he upset her.
These phone calls happen on every significant holiday you can think of, and the implication is always that Archer is a horrible human being because he isn't weeping over his dad on Christmas/Father's Day/Valentine's Day/his dad's birthday. Here is the thing for Archer. He misses his dad every day, and it hits him at the oddest moments. Like when's he found his dad's camo hat that he didn't know he had or when Wild Man asks a question about animals or nature (Archer's dad was a hunter and loved hiking). The "big" days aren't hard for him. The little, every day moments are. He's explained this to his mom and sister several times, but they just don't get it. I have no idea why.
4 comments:
That's when that stuff hits me. I had a dream recently where grandpa was there and I was upset the rest of the day. (there's context to that, with what the dream was about...) Something random will be said or done and suddenly I'll think "oh wow, I really miss [gramma, grandpa, uncle, etc]."
I can see where the big stuff might be hard at first, and bittersweet at other times, but I certainly relate more to the little moments.
They don't get it because they do not seem to have a keen sense that Archer is a fully-formed person who is distinct from them and thus has his own thoughts and feelings and life.
Part of the reason Archer doesn't think about his dad on major holidays is that his dad hated every major holiday you can think of.
And Anastasia, I'm more than a little bit in love with you for that comment!
They irritate me, M. My blood pressure is up on your behalf. :)
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