More than others

When I was working on my doctorate, I was fortunate enough to find my people.  By that I mean, I was in a place with like-minded people who were doing what I was doing.  I realize this is a side-effect of graduate work.  These people, however, were much more than an intellectual cohort, a term that gets bandied around these parts a lot.  They were, as I said, my people.  Initially, they were my friends, but they became my family.  We helped each other through a lot of shit.  Some academic, some not.  I miss these people, most of whom are now finished with their graduate degrees and now live all over the country, every. single. day.  Today, I am missing them more than I do most days.  And you know who you are.

Anxious

My good friend J just emailed me.  She has offered to meet me at CU on Friday to pack up my office and then to take me out to lunch to cheer me up.  She is a wonderful friend, and I'm glad to have her in my life.  Her email, however, made the fact that I am returning to CU Land and all of the drama at CU very real. 

It seems like a small thing--changing offices.  But after not having an office for 3 years, I have grown to love my little office, which is even painted in a color I chose.  Being away has been a bit of a respite from reality. Yes, we've talked about everything, and I've communicated with Dr. Writing, Dr. Rhetoric, and the Dean.  We have a plan.  I know how I'm going to proceed. 

But I haven't actually had to face any of the unpleasant people yet (not that the above mentioned people are the unpleasant ones).  Suddenly I'm feeling a bit anxious about returning.  For now, though, I'm going to do my best to quiet that anxiety and enjoy my last evening away with Archer.

My Office

For the past 2 weeks, I have been taking advantage of having my own office.  I have all of my books unpacked and my files are semi-organized.  I've compiled a list of things I need to purchase (for which I will get reimbursed!), and I've been working away.  I've done research on a new project--the first completely new project I've started since completing my dissertation--and spent time revising a dissertation chapter into an article.  While I've been in my own office every weekday for almost just over 2 weeks now, I don't think I really grasped the fact that I was, in fact, in my own space until late last week. 

While doing research on my current project, I read yet another critic who disagreed with the argument I'm making.  In frustration, I logged onto Facebook, hoping one of my academic friends would be online.  Sure enough, I found a friend and messaged her.  We chatted for a few minutes, and she affirmed that my argument makes sense.  She then pointed me to another book to consider as evidence that my argument is valid.  Her suggestion was fabulous, so I grabbed a piece of paper to jot down the reference and the title, thinking, "I'll have to get this off my shelf at home."  Then it occurred to me that I was in my own office--with all of my books unpacked and neatly organized on the floor to ceiling shelves.  I spun my chair around, found the book, grabbed it off the shelf, and found the part my friend was referring to.  I was so thrilled that I was able to do that.  As soon as I ended my chat with my friend, I was able to jot down some notes about this reference, rather than waiting until I got home to do so.  It was wonderful! 

Something else

A few moments ago, as I was snuggling Bear through an afternoon nap (he was napping while on the boppy after nursing as I read for classes next week), I suddenly had a flashback to Wild Man's first day of day care. C was teaching that day, and as I recall he taught at 8 am that semester. Thus, I got Wild Man ready and dropped him off myself. He had no idea what was going on, but as he was happy in the arms of his caregiver I essentially dropped him off and fled as quickly as I could. I drove to campus, parked my car, and promptly walked to the office of one of my best friends, Supadiscomama. I then proceeded to cry for the next 15 minutes or so while she rubbed my back--she'd gone through the same experience a few months earlier with her own son. Being in her office and knowing she (and my other friends Sarah and L) knew how I felt helped me get through that day and the next few that followed until it got easier to drop Wild Man off.

When Wild Man and I leave Bear with C next week at 8:30 or so and don't return until after 4, I will drop Wild Man off at school and then go to my office--the one I share with 4 other people, none of whom I know (or like) all that well. I don't have any place or any one to go to who will rub my back while I cry. I know I can call any or all of these wonderful friends the minute I get to my office, but I also know that won't be quite the same. That makes this whole experience just a little bit harder.

Wild Man-isms

This morning Wild Man requested to see some pictures of his friends from Southwest College Town. Well, actually, he requested to play with Supa-T and Mr. Noodle, but as that isn't possible, we made do with looking at pictures on my computer.

We just finished looking at a series of pictures that include 3 of Wild Man's friends: Supa-T, Jeezy, and Lion Cub. In several shots, Supa-T is helping give Lion Cub a bath. Upon viewing these pictures, Wild Man said to me, "He help give baby a bath. Bless his heart!"

Missing my boy

I always miss Wild Man on Thursdays as I am on campus from 9:00 until 6:00 (I teach, do research, and take a class in the late afternoon). On an average Thursday, however, C picks Wild Man up at the usual time, and they have a daddy-son afternoon. By the time I get home around 6:20 or so, C is scrubbing the remainder of their daddy-son afternoon off of Wild Man as Wild Man splashes around in the bathtub (in our house, daddy-son afternoons always equal dirt and lots of it!). This afternoon C is out of town, and since I didn't want to miss my class, I asked a good friend to pick Wild Man up at school when he picked up his daughter and take Wild Man home with them for the afternoon. This friend generously agreed to do this for us, and I am very thankful. I know that Wild Man is in great hands and that he is having a blast with his buddy. In fact, when I explained to him that he would be going home with this particular friend he immediately began chanting her name and searching for her in our house, as if she would magically appear just because he was calling her name. But this is the first time someone other than C or me has ever picked him up from school, and that makes me a little sad. I'm counting the minutes till my class is over, and I can go get him and give him lots of hugs and kisses.