Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Never again. . .
I will never again think to myself: why can't that person talk about anything else except his/her child? I have to admit that I have thought that about people in the past, usually people I don't know very well who assume that I want to know the intimate details of their child's life. I will also admit that I've occasionally thought that about close friends. I now regret thinking that, and over the past few weeks, I've mentally apologized for thinking that a thousand times. I feel like I need to make a more public apology. I now understand how all consuming parenthood is--especially new parenthood. It is impossible for me to have a conversation now without talking about S. I know that at some point I will be able to do that, but right now (and I feel certain for some time to come) whenever anyone asks me how I'm doing, I automatically tell them how S is doing. If he's having a good day, I'm having a good day; if he's having a bad day, I'm having a worse one. I also now understand the need and the desire to talk to someone about him. Luckily I haven't had many days alone with him (that starts next week!), but I have had a few. I know how happy I was when C got home to have someone to talk to--even to tell him how S didn't pee on either one of us today or that I got a shower before 2. So please feel free to tell me all about your children; I'm sure I'll tell you all about mine.
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7 comments:
Guess what? Rebekah has gone two days without a diaper and without an accident. Yea! (Well, you did ask.)
I actually don't remember thinking that I wish people would stop talking about their kids, but I also didn't have any friends with children until I already had one myself. But I do recall many people saying that around me, before and after I had a child, and I was really conscious of that after Rebekah was born because I did talk about her all the time. It took me a long time to just stop worrying so much--I love talking about my kid and other people's kids and being pregnant and childbirth and breastfeeding and all that. Eventually I just decided it didn't matter if people rolled their eyes when I left the room.
I just try to remember not to talk about poop in professional settings. But sometimes it happens.
I can't stop thinking about my kid--much less stop talking about him! And if that's boring to everyone else, too bad.
I'm like Sarah, I always loved to talk about children and hear people's birth stories and stuff... Again, I guess it varies from women to women, or even men -- some people just naturally love to be with children and talk about them even before becoming parents and others don't. It's a normal thing. I don't think you have to berate yourself for your previous thoughts...
Hi M,
I now understand how all consuming parenthood is--especially new parenthood.
Strange comment, I know, but when we got our pup, it was the same way. I think what you're speaking to is new life-changing experiences rather than *just* parenthood (although parenthood is certainly one of the largest of those!). But I remember Mr. Reads begging me to talk about something, anything other than teaching high school my first year doing that, or how he and I would find ourselves discussing our dog's bathroom habits with anyone and everyone.
A child is probably the biggest of these life-changing experiences because you prepare for him for so long, and then there's the "never really get rid of him even after college" aspect of parenting ;) But I have thought to myself a time or two "can't we talk about something other than the kids" or "the pregnancy?" the same as I've thought to myself "can't we talk about something other than school" or "work" or "colleague gossip?"
On the other hand, as the only woman of my close acquaintance within a fifty mile radius that does not have a child, is not pregnant, and isn't planning for pregnancy anytime in the immediate future, I feel as if I have nothing to contribute to the conversation, not in a "hey, I wanna talk!" sense, but more in a "no one will want to talk to me anymore because I have nothing to contribute" sense.
And finally, why is this a woman thing, and not necessarily a man thing? People tend to get upset with women for talking about their kids, or pregnancy, etc. too much, but I've never heard of or seen anyone get upset with a man for the same.
Ciao,
Amy
I think you're right, Amy. We become obsessed with the things that are most important in our lives. But I don't want you to think that you don't have anything to contribute. Your opinions, questions, and views are just as valid. And I still want to talk about other things--we just might have to do it while I'm breastfeeding!
I mean this in the best of ways: This realization of yours is only the first of MANY things you've said/thought/done that parenthood will now force you to take back!
I never thought I would have a house full of big, ugly, plastic kid crap. I never thought I would willingly bare my breast in the light of day when it was not medically necessary to do so. I never thought I would sit my son in front of a Baby Einstein video so I could have a moment, or bribe him with snacks so we could get through an errand. I never thought I would feed him mac and cheese three times a week so we could get through a few meals without a battle! And I never thought I would do all of these things and not really feel badly about it either.
See my comment on people never told you #4...people are interested so talk about S all you want and save your guilt for the million other things mothers inevitably feel guilty about!
Hi M,
I think you're right, Amy. We become obsessed with the things that are most important in our lives.
Particularly new things, no? Harrogate and I discussed this on the ride home from campus today, and how as a child gets older (or a puppy, or you spend more time in your job) you get more comfortable, and therefore don't only talk about those things anymore. Because part of it is yay! new! and part of it is hey! huge part of my life! listen! And then, it's yay bebe, which is always a good reason.
I never get tired of hearing about my friends' children; I sometimes get tired of talking about babies. Does that make sense? I love the specific discussions of H or RB or S and future J, and never tire of those. It's the "everyone's pregnant or parents and not me" that I freak out about.
But then, when do I ever need an excuse to freak out? :)
But I don't want you to think that you don't have anything to contribute. Your opinions, questions, and views are just as valid.
:) I try (real hard, but still)
And I still want to talk about other things--we just might have to do it while I'm breastfeeding!
And here's the skinny: although I'm not a mommy yet, and there have been periods in my life during which I didn't even want bebes, I have always, *always* been an advocate of breastfeeding. It's *food*. It's for the *baby*. I am horrified over society's continuous association of the breast with sexuality. So all of this to say, breastfeed anytime you want, and we'll discuss anything you want while it happens :) The Reads' household is 100% breast-friendly (in more ways than one, but particularly the feeding aspect of it).
Ciao,
Amy
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