Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Things no one tells you about motherhood #4

The fourth thing I've been thinking of is both positive and negative. The negative part: friends who don't have children are no longer interested in me. I was somewhat prepared for this as many friends without children began to withdraw during the last months of my pregnancy. That said, it is still upsetting and frustrating, especially since I have managed to maintain several close friendships with friends who do have children prior to having a child myself.

The positive part: my really close friends, those with and without children, have been wonderful. I get a phone call almost every day from someone checking on me. My friends have cooked us meals and even driven over 90 miles to pick family members up at the airport. I knew I had good friends, but I didn't know they were this wonderful. I am thankful to have all of them in my life, and I certainly hope I have been as good to them as they have been to us.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, I guess my dogs served as a warm-up for the whole constantly-talking-about-my-child thing. I would bet that there are still people who know more about my dogs than they do about my son!

As for friends losing interest, I've had a similar thing happen since moving away to enter the PhD program. My life is not interesting to the friends I left behind--they can't relate at all (or they just don't care to). But I think it's hard to maintain some friendships through *any* major life change--especially if said friends' lives haven't changed at all.

As for not being told about these things, I think that certain things just cannot be explained--only experienced. I could tell you over and over again how many things might change in your life, but you can't really grasp that until it actually happens. Plus, every woman's (and man's) experience of parenthood is different in many ways, so it seems hard to say, "Nobody told me about that"--maybe nobody could. Or, if the experiences were similar, maybe the impact they had on one individual's life was less than it was for another.

Dr. Peters said...

I think that Supadiscomama needs to pick a name and stick with it--I can't keep up! Just kidding :) Who else would Supadiscomama be?

L said...

Yes, that one is very true and kind of sad.

Anonymous said...

While some people may be disinterested in you post-parenthood, they're the people who were not really friends anyway. I have a feeling that most of your friends without children who seem disinterested (because they have stopped calling and emailing, or have not invited you to things, or stopped visiting) really just don't know what life is like as a new parent and don't want to bother you, intrude, put undue pressure on you, etc. It may even be possible you've inadvertently communicated this to them...I had what I call pregnancy brain (meaning I forgot things and was absent-minded and wasn't focusing as intently on others when we did interact), and it lingered into what I call the 4th trimester! Give yourself some time for things to return to a semblance of your former life, they will return and in addition you now have this whole new joyful aspect of your life that more people than you think (ie, strangers in public, bloggers, and your childless friends) are interested in hearing about.

Amy Reads said...

Hi Jennie,
I have a feeling that most of your friends without children who seem disinterested (because they have stopped calling and emailing, or have not invited you to things, or stopped visiting) really just don't know what life is like as a new parent and don't want to bother you, intrude, put undue pressure on you, etc.

This is a fantastic point, I think, because as someone who is childless, I don't know what it's like to wake up every three hours and not get a chance to shower until the spouse or friend comes home to relieve you. But my friends are *talking* about it, and I don't want to bother them on the off chance that they are sleeping, finally!

Supadiscomama broke me of this hesitancy a little bit when I admitted to her that I didn't want to bother her after her child was born, and she said, in summation, "I'll tell you when you bother me, don't worry." So I call M about once a week and someone calls me back, or not, and that's okay :) I know where she lives (*muahahaha*)
;)
Ciao,
Amy

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm not one of the people who calls to check up on you--but not because I'm not interested. Part of it is that I know how busy you are. I barely speak to anyone anymore--unless I happen to run into them somewhere. I'm holed up in babyland (happily) when I'm not at school. Of course, if you need to vent or worry to someone, feel free to call me. Or if you just want to talk to someone who doesn't live in your house :)