Saying no

I've gotten really good at saying no.  I often say no--to my children, to my students, to my colleagues.  You see, I have to say no.  My life is structured in such a way that if I don't say no things don't get done.  I just said no to a colleague, a colleague whom I say no to quite frequently.  This colleague needs me to host a dinner for a visiting speaker as the colleague has a conflict.  S/he can't be two places at once, so s/he asked me if I'd relieve hir of one responsibility.  I said no.  It's an evening event, and given that I teach on Tuesday evening and that I'm guest lecturing for this colleague on Wednesday evening I have no desire to attend another evening event this week.  I just don't.  And I said as much.  My colleague was upset, and I do understand that.  But I can't do it.  More importantly, I don't want to do it.  I do the amount of service required of me, and I do it well.  I'm not up for taking on anything else.  I don't much care if I get the reputation as the person who says no.  I don't much care if people think I use my kids as a reason to not attend evening events.  I've learned the hard way that being nice won't get me very far at CU Land.  And I'm not going to feel bad or feel guilty for saying no.

Academic Mothering

I consider myself an academic mother; for me, the name, such as it is, merges my professional and personal life.  I am an academic, and I am a mother.  It is impossible to every stop being one or the other.  I am both simultaneously.  I am always thinking about my children and the things I need to do for them, and I'm always thinking about my research and writing.  There is no separation.

Many of my friends, especially my close friends, are also academic mothers, although I don't know how many of them would self-identify in that way.  Among these friends, I've observed something that I find disconcerting.  A few of these friends, two in particular, speak about mothering and their children with something close to disdain.  Now, these two women love their children; I don't mean to suggest otherwise.  They light up when their children walk into the room, and they tell delightful stories about their children.  But when in certain groups, primarily groups in which other academics are present, they act as though they hate parenting, as though their children keep them from their "real" work, and as though their "careers" are more fulfilling than parenting.  This makes me really uncomfortable for several reasons.

First, as I've blogged before (a long, long time ago), CU is fairly friendly to faculty members with families.  In fact, CU has an astounding number of faculty members with young children.  Part of this, I think, is due to Canadian culture, which allows for year-long parental leaves, and part of this is due to the unionized environment of CU (for example, despite being the equivalent of an American R1, the tenure requirements are fairly manageable and clearly spelled out; also taking parental leave of a certain length delays tenure by a full-year).  People here have kids.  People with kids bring their kids to class on occasion and many bring their kids to events and meetings.  Archer and I often have the boys on campus, especially now as we're in the odd time when my leave has ended but we don't have full time child care for Bear and we don't have any child care for George.  To return to my original point, no one here has ever made me feel less than anyone else because I have children.  Sure, I have colleagues who never ask about my children, but that's okay because I never ask about their dogs, for example.  I don't feel as though people question my abilities as an academic because I'm a mother, or at least I don't feel as though most of my colleagues do.

My friends' tendency to disparage parenting and their own children makes me uncomfortable because it's a performance, a carefully constructed one at that.  It is as though these two women, both of whom have tenure and have proven themselves as teachers and researchers, as it were, believe they have to project a certain image of themselves in order to maintain their academic credibility.  I think this just perpetuates the unequal way many academic parents are treated.  Everyone knows I have children, and everyone knows I'm happy to talk about my children.  But everyone also knows I am a successful teacher and a good researcher.  I am able to be both without disparaging one or the other.

This is not to say that I'm always secure in my role, and I do think my friends' tendency to speak badly of parenting is due to their own insecurities.  But I am secure in my role as a mom.  I know I'm a good mom.  I have three happy, healthy, confident children to support that belief.  I'm less secure in my role as an academic, although I am becoming more confident.  But I also believe that the two roles, the two halves of myself, as it were, can't be separated, and I don't want them to be.  I think my friends are more insecure about their ability to mother effectively while maintaining the active research and service loads that they do.  I know things are going to fall through the cracks, and mostly I'm okay with that.  I don't have to be a perfect mother, and I certainly don't have to be a perfect academic.  I'd rather be happy, get some work done, and hang out with my kids.

The fallout

It seems the fallout from last spring's drama at CU continues.  I've just been notified that unless I can get one of the two departments to agree to run the travel course I designed (which doesn't really fit in either department) I will be forced to return the money.  There are days when I seriously wonder if this is the place for us.

Seriously?

It is the time of year at CU where faculty are required to submit their CVs to be reviewed on their annual performance.  Although I'm on leave I am submitting my materials because I've heard that people who don't submit materials (even though they aren't required to for a given year) are often given bad scores.  I accomplished a lot last year, so I don't want a bad score. 

As I was stealing a few minutes to work on these materials I received an email from one of the admin assistants in the department in which I was formerly appointed (you know, the one that screwed me over).  The dean informed her that I am to submit my materials to that department to be reviewed for last year.  Um, excuse me?  Why would I want to do that?  How is that supposed to be fair?  Seriously?  So I will do as I'm told, but I am also very familiar with the grievance process.  And I am more than prepared to file a grievance if I get an unfair review.

Fixing things and getting tenure

At the conference I attended several weeks ago, several panelists addressed what they see as major problems in the academy.  The biggest issue seemed to be how does one address these problems and still get tenure? The problems are many, as many of you know.  In a single conference, I attended panels considering the problems of a specific kind of scholarship, digital publications, and service.  Each of these things is particularly relevant to me as I want to get into the specific-kind-of-scholarship, I have submitted an essay to a digital journal, and I do a lot of service (my two departments are small, so this is a necessity).  Often these things aren't given a lot of merit in the academy, for a whole lot of reasons--some valid, some not.  Everyone I spoke with agreed that these things need to be considered/addressed differently.  Essentially, the academy is outdated, and we're all operating under two models, so to speak.  We work under the more modern model in our daily lives, but when it comes to getting tenure, we then operate under a model that is about 15 years out of date.  Promotion and Tenure committees are outdated across the board.  We all want to get tenure, so we play the game, even though we disagree with the game.  There weren't a lot of ideas about how to fix the game.  The primary one was this: get tenure and then start advocating for your junior colleagues.  I appreciate that idea, but it isn't the most expedient solution.  It also seems that once many of us get tenure we'll be ready to do the things we want to do rather than take on advocacy roles (this was an issue that was brought up in at least two panels).  So this leaves us with no real solution. 

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I have been thinking about it a lot.  I am in a non-traditional appointment, so I'd like to think I could do some non-traditional research.  I think that would be valued within my home departments, but I'm not sure how it would be received within my faculty and university at large.  It seems like there must be a way to get everyone on the same page, but that also seems to be a rare thing within an academic institution.

A new workspace

Last week I wrote about trying to work and getting organized in the hope that I'd be able to get some things done while I'm on parental leave in the fall and winter.  I'm still working on my list, but I have, with Archer's help, created a lovely work space for myself.  You see I work on campus.  I cannot work at home.  I'm too tempted to do laundry or mop the floor or put away clothes or cook.  I can think of a million things I need to do at home that distract me from my academic work.  When we moved, I sold my desk because, well, I didn't use it.  When I work at home I use the coffee table or the kitchen table as a work space.  For the next year, that just isn't practical, but neither is sharing a desk with Archer.  Let's just say I prefer to be organized while writing and he needs to room to spread out.

To create a work space, we made a trip to Ikea on Friday.  I wanted to purchase a specific desk, but I found something that was more functional and on sale!  The desk is nothing like I'd normally buy, but it fits exactly in the space we have.  Eventually (as in a few years) we'll have the entire basement refinished with an office space, and I can see this desk working really well in a small office with modern furniture.  In the meantime, I think it will work really, really well for the work I have planned in the next 10 months or so.  In fact, I've been using it all day!

*And yes, that is a Starbucks cup you see in the picture, and yes, it was a caffeinated beverage.  If you feel the need to judge a woman who is currently 38 weeks pregnant, caring for two older children, and not sleeping well, go right ahead.

Trying to work

I've been trying to work for the last few weeks, with an emphasis on trying.  I've got a lot of projects that are started, but aren't yet finished.  I am fully aware that all work will stop for at least a month (if not longer) following the baby's birth, so I want to get as much done on these projects as possible.  Here is a list of the things I'm working on:

• transforming conference paper into an article length paper
• drafting conference paper which I will present in October
• editing the job talk I recently gave into an article, which I hope to send out next week
• finishing a book review that is long overdue
• drafting a book proposal on an anthology I'm working on with two colleagues from grad school
• researching an idea I have for a book project
• outlining revisions I need to make to a dissertation chapter which I want to transform into an article
• revamping a course I routinely teach into an online course (this is the only project I will not try to work on at all when I'm on leave as, by union regulations, I cannot work on anything connected to my teaching)

It is a long list, and somehow in the next two weeks I need to get our home office functional so I can use it while I'm on leave.  My hope is that by September I'll be able to work for an hour and a half a day while the baby naps.  That may only work for three days each week as Bear will be home with me and the baby two days a week (as an aside, cutting Bear down to part time and having Wild Man in school full time has dramatically cut down on our childcare costs--as in we'll be paying about a third of what we pay now), but I know, to some extent, what I'm getting into.  I'm focusing on being flexible.  I am also going to load my Kindle up with books for work that I've been wanting to read for a long time.  If anything, I'll get lots of reading done in the next few months. 

Waiting. . .

I just had a lovely conversation with the Dean's assistant, who called to let me know that a contract has been drafted.  I should receive it in the next week or so, once it has cleared all the appropriate channels and been signed by everyone.  At that point, I can negotiate if I want to.  I think, however, I'm just going to sign the damn thing.  It will be so good to have all of this behind me.

A bit of good news

As I blogged about previously (sorry, I'm not linking right now), the dean has been committed to securing me a T-T line at CU.  I'm not one to question a dean, but I think this goal has a lot to do with keeping Archer, who is making a name for himself in his field, here as well as with keeping me here.  The fact that I can teach in three departments means that I represent a lot of the things the dean advocates for the future of this faculty.  Plus, on my current appointment, which is not T-T but is research focused, I've had one article accepted, sent out two others for review, and secured a $17,000 (yes, you read that correctly) curriculum development grant.  I think I've demonstrated what I can do in a research focused position.  On a different note, Archer has also received around $15,000 in three separate research grants since he's been at CU.  Financially, it just doesn't make sense to get rid of us.  Thus, after RD revolted (I've heard about 7 different versions of what happened, none from anyone who was actually there, so I still have no idea what went down), the dean immediately began pursuing another appointment for me.

On Wednesday I (again) presented a job talk and was interviewed.  This time, however, the whole process took less than 3 hours.  Here is what happened:

• 1:00--I gave my talk, following a lengthy Q&A, which turned into a fantastic conversation about my paper.
• 2:20--I took a break, while everyone attending the talk was asked to stay and offer their feedback to the committee.
• 2:45--my interview started.  I was asked lots of typical questions, and at one point, one committee member corrected another committee member on the content of my CV. That was weird, but it also meant I didn't have to be the one to correct the committee member who had misread my CV.
• 3:30--I left the interview room, and the committee met to discuss my appointment.
• 3:45--the chairs of the two departments in which I may be appointed came to my office to gleefully tell me that the committee had agreed to recommend that I be offered a T-T, joint appointment in their departments.  

I wanted to cry, literally.  They both gave me some really positive feedback on my talk and my answers during the interview, which was wonderful.  As an added bonus, one of Archer's colleagues attended my talk, and she sent him an email telling him how well she thought I did.  This is a woman whose work I know and respect, and she has a reputation for being a bit of a hard ass at such events.  She gives compliments rarely, so getting one from her means something.

Where does this leave me?  From a practical standpoint, I'm waiting to hear back from the dean's office on the terms of my contract.  I've yet to decide if I want to negotiate any of the terms.  Part of me wants to, but part of me wants to just sign the damn thing and move on.   From an emotional standpoint, this appointment feels right.  I'm not sure I can really explain why.  I will say that the response to my talk was vastly different than when I presented it during the first interview.  While I do think that it was well received that time, this time everyone in the room had offered a piece of positive feedback, and everyone remarked that the work I'm doing brings these two departments together really well.  It was an overwhelmingly positive experience.  I was nervous; I was really nervous given what happened last time.  But I left the room knowing that everyone who attended saw that my work is valuable and worthwhile.  That was not a feeling I had following the first interview.

I'm still not sure what this means for us long term.  But after a very tumultuous few months at CU, in which nearly every day raised another issue that caused me to be uncertain about how I would be treated in RD, I know now I'm in a place, both literally and metaphorically, where the people around me are committed to helping me develop as a scholar and a teacher.  That means a lot.

Moving forward

Things are moving forward with a second attempt at securing me a tenure track appointment.  This process has already been infinitely more transparent and is moving faster.  I'm cautiously optimistic.  I can say my appointment will not have anything to do with Research Department.  I'm going to be cryptic for a few days until I know something more definite.

The Routine

We're settling back into our routine.  It is taking longer for the boys to settle in that I expected, primarily, I think, because Yetta and Pita are still here.  They leave today, so I'm hoping that will help.  Their visit has gone well, at least as far as Yetta and I are concerned.  We've had several great conversations, and we're learning more and more about each other.  Pita, well, she's Pita. She's had a hard time stepping back now that Archer and I are home.  She is still trying to "parent" Wild Man and Bear.  It irks me whenever someone else tries to parent my children in front of me, and it especially irks me when she does it as our values are very different.  I'm fine with her caring for my children for a week, but she is not someone I would feel comfortable being a daily presence in their lives.  It's doubly hard when everything becomes about her, but I'll save that for another post.

I met with the Dean yesterday, and s/he was helpful to an extent.  I got the distinct impression s/he didn't want to answer a lot of questions, which I found troubling.  The Dean laid out the available options, but did not offer much in the way of advice.  While every questioned I asked was answered, I did feel like the Dean was, well, being a Dean.  This entire situation has put the Dean in an awkward position, and likely, the Dean realizes I have grounds for a grievance (against the Dean, against RC, against the entire appointments committee of RD).  So I'm going to attribute the hesitancy to answer questions to that.  I'm going to try to meet with one more person early in the week to ask a few more questions before I give the Dean my final answer about where I want to be appointed.  And then we'll see what we see.

Wrapping Up

Today is the last day of our trip, and Archer and I are taking the day off from research.  Despite everything that transpired at the end of last week (was it really on a few days ago?  It seems like a lifetime in many ways), we've made the most of our time together.  His research proved to be very productive, and it now looks like he'll get an article out of the things he found.  He also now knows the images that he thought existed do in fact exist, so he will have to return to secure image rights for his book project.  For me, the research has been a bit more frustrating.  I came having no idea what I would find.  I was hoping for something specific, and while I didn't find what I was hoping for, I did uncover some interesting biographical things about an author I work on.  So now I have to figure out if what I discovered is at all significant which means doing a lot of research into secondary materials. 

As for the job stuff, my conversation with Dr. Writing and Dr. Rhetoric revealed about what I had expected.  Research Department (not the chair or the other member of the committee, it seems) used me to make a point, and that point is that they want nothing to do with partner-placements or joint appointments.  Fine.  They could have made that point without putting me through the ordeal of an "interview."  I meet with the Dean when we return, and we'll see what we see.  The Dean is pissed (D's words, not mine), and D is committed to securing a T-T line for me.  I have lots of questions, and I want answers before I say where I'd prefer to be appointed.  I am not leaving Teaching Department, but I know the Dean is leaning toward having me joint appointed in another department--one which I've worked in before and has a history of valuing partner-placements. 

Oh, and Dr. Writing has moved mountains (literally of books) so that I do not have to spend too much more time in my office that is located in Research Department.  Archer and I will move my stuff to my temporary office early next week.  It will be a relief not to have to be in that department in any way whatsoever.  I am also going to schedule an "exit interview" with Research Chair.  I feel that RC owes me some answers.  I realize I am not likely to get any satisfaction out of this meaning and that I will probably just get upset.  But if seeing me makes RC uncomfortable in anyway whatsoever, I'll take some joy in that. 

The lamb

About a week ago I had a conversation with the dean in which I firmly expressed that I did not want to be a sacrificial lamb for the partner placement initiative, such as it is, at CU.  The dean firmly agreed and indicated that everything that could be done would be done to prevent it.  I am acutely aware that the dean has two back up plans in place.  I do believe this dean is committed to ensuring that Archer and I stay at CU.  After all, as the dean reminded me, in the last 4 years, we've both brought in about $40,000 in grant money; Archer has made a name for himself in a fairly small field while teaching in a country that barely recognizes said field; I've designed 4 classes that have increased enrollment in 3 departments; and we've both demonstrated that we have strong research potential.  All the while, the dean added, while staying on the job market and balancing our home life with our careers.  The dean reminded me, however, (as deans are wont to do, I suppose) that sh/e could only control so much.  The dean reiterated that the joint appointment as it has originally been envisioned was still the way sh/e preferred to go--for lots of reasons, the primary one being that the two departments are about to merge.  I am the only person on campus who can teach in both departments.  The plan makes a lot of sense.

In an entirely separate conversation with the chair of Research department, I again stated I did not want to be made a sacrificial lamb.  RC (Research Chair) assured me that this was not going to happen, saying that if a decision was made by the appropriate committee to move forward with the interview then the appointment would go through.  I said again, "I'm not sure I believe that is the case; however, this appointment reflects the career track I want to be on.  Therefore, I will trust you."  That is where I made my mistake.

The interview happened on Monday.  I thought it went well.  The questions following my talk turned into a conversation.  Two faculty members stayed after the Q&A ended to follow up on issues in which our research areas overlap.  The following interview was also a conversation.  Lunch went well.  The grad students seemed to like me.  Dinner was a bit awkward, but it was fine.  RC assured me I had put my best foot forward and that all would go well.

The dean called me yesterday about 40 minutes after Archer and I landed for our babymoon/research trip.  The committee met sometime yesterday to finalize the appointment, or so I had been told before I left town.  All had not gone well.  I was, in fact, made the sacrificial lamb.  I will not be holding a joint appointment in Research department and Teaching department.  I know nothing more than that.  I have a conference call scheduled with the chair of TD later today.  I'm hoping to get answers, but I suspect TC will only be able to tell me so much.  I may be scheduling a meeting with my union rep when we return to CU Land as well.

For real . . .

Today I have learned, finally, how horrific academic politics can be.

An update

Monday went well.  My talk seemed to be well received; the interview portion became a dialogue very quickly; and everyone was polite and cordial.  The biggest shock: more than half of the people present had absolutely no idea I was pregnant.  No one commented on it--Canada has signed Human Rights legislation, after all.  There were lots of shocked stares, however.  Oh well.  The committee is supposed to be meeting tomorrow.  I expect to hear something at some point via email as Archer and I leave for our babymoon/research trip tomorrow.

As for that, Yetta and Pita are here, and the boys are having a blast.  I think they'll be okay, although I know Bear will be a bit moody by Sunday.  I've stressed the importance of keeping them on their schedule, and Yetta seems keen to follow it.  I know they'll be safe, loved, and fed.  But I also know lots of things will get done in a way much different than I would do them.  That bothers me a bit, to be quite honest.  But Archer and I need this time together.  I am exhausted.  I need sometime to just be with my husband, to think about things not related to CU, and to have some adult fun.

And just like that . . .

the tide shifts.

I'm sorry for being cryptic.  I will write about everything that has transpired today, once I process it all.  Good, bad?  At this point, I honestly don't know.

More on the short of it

As I wrote yesterday, I had several meetings in an attempt to figure out how to proceed.  I met with Dr. Writing and Dr. Rhetoric, and I had a phone conversation with the dean.  Drs. Writing and Rhetoric were, as always, wonderful and supportive.  They helped me work through the decisions I have to make.  They also listened to me vent the process.  They outlined their vision for me, which more or less matches my own vision, and reassured me that they see me as a valuable member of the program, something they have already told me and, more importantly, demonstrated. 

I then spoke with the dean, who (as much as a dean can) expressed frustration with the situation and apologized.  As much as I've been able to determine, the dean isn't the problem.   In fact, the dean has been among my most vocal supporters, primarily from an institutional standpoint more than a personal one, but frankly, that's what I expect from a dean.  I will say that the dean sees me as key to several projects within the faculty, and the dean further sees both joint appointments and partner-placements as key to building a healthy, collegial community in the faculty.  I see those things as valuable too.  I like that I am a trailblazer to some extent; I do not, however, want to be a sacrificial lamb, and I said that to the dean.  We discussed the options available to me, and the dean is not ready to give up on the track we've been headed down since October.  I stated very emphatically that in an ideal world the current track is also my preference; however, I do not think it is likely to work out given the personalities involved, and I am no longer certain I can receive a fair assessment from several key players involved.  I reiterated that I do not want to be a sacrificial lamb.  I also stated I am not willing to renew my contract as it currently stands to "try" this whole process again next year.  Without using the word grievance, I made it as clear as I could that I've been advised that I have grounds for a grievance; to avoid taking that route, I want this matter resolved as soon as possible.  The dean was positive and supportive (have I mentioned I really like this individual?  I appreciate the forthrightness, again as much as a dean can be forthright, and the pragmatism this individual demonstrates).  We ended the conversation with the dean assuring me that I would know something definite by this afternoon.  We're scheduled to meet Monday morning, so I have some time to deal with whatever that decision is and make my own decisions.

As for how I'm feeling, I've moved on from being hurt to being pissed.  I realize that much of what is going on is political and most of it has little to do with me.  I am, unfortunately, simply the person who is seeking a partner placement, something for which I am more than qualified .  I am not asking for a t-t position to be handed to me.  Quite the contrary.  I've willingly and, dare I say, happily submitted all the same materials I submitted for any other job search.  I've been preparing a talk for weeks (Archer has read the damn thing twice, and my research group has read it once).  I expect to be evaluated, but I also expect that I'll be given a fair chance.  I have been working under the assumption that once everyone saw my C.V., job letter, writing sample, letters of recommendation, and teaching philosophy they would see what I bring to the table.  I then assumed hearing my job talk would help them see that I do something that is worthwhile, something that no one else at CU does.  I have not been naive, but I have assumed that people would be fair.  That's where I was wrong. 

I'll know something by 1:00 today.  And at this point, I have no idea what I want the outcome to be.

The short of it

At some point, I'll likely write a post that details "the long of it," but for now, I'll keep it short.

• I first want to say that I am angry, frustrated, and hurt.  I can't explain specifically why yet, primarily because I have a series of meetings today that will begin to resolve the issue.  The success of these meetings depends, at least to some degree, in me keeping it together.  Given that I'm already dealing with hormones and that Disney's "Chimpanzee," which Archer and I took the boys to see this weekend, reduced me to tears for 20 minutes, I need to keep a tight reign on my emotions.
• I also want to say that I am not naive.  I know how academia works.  I never believed any of the "promises" that were made to me.  In fact, the one person whom I've come to trust completely in this matter is the only person who never made me any promises.  I knew from the moment I signed my contract last year that all of this could fall apart.  
• The drama continues with the conversion of my appointment.
• I have had few expectations going into this whole process.  In fact, I started this academic year assuming the all-but promised conversion wouldn't take place.
• I became more confident after multiple meetings with both department heads and the dean, each of whom assured me this would, in fact, happen.  The dean even said as much to Archer in front of Archer's department head--at least twice.  I was also advised, in good faith, that I did not need to go on the job market this year.  I did not follow that advice, but still, that is the advice I was given.
• Since the talk of the conversion began (in October), other things have taken place which have made the conversion complicated.  None of these things have anything to do with me personally; however, I am now at the center of these complications.
• One of the departments, which is notoriously competitive, has multiple faculty members who think more of themselves and the department than perhaps they should.  They are also vocally opposed to the idea of any sort of non-competitive hire.  I've been reminded repeatedly that this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the "process."
• I got some news yesterday that I was expected, but that was, nonetheless, upsetting.  The conversion will likely move forward, but not in the capacity that had been discussed for the past several months.  I am now left with major decisions, as in career changing decisions.  The decisions I have to make in the next few days (I could push it to weeks, but I'm 28 weeks pregnant.  I need this resolved, for my own sanity and health.) could potentially change the direction of my career for at least the next 5-7 years, if not permanently.
• I will be meeting with the parties involved in the next few days to get their input, but frankly, I want some answers.  I feel betrayed by one person in particular (again, the reasons are really complicated), and I want some kind of explanation.  After all the assurances over the past several months, I think this person, who has been all but avoiding me, owes me the courtesy of answering a few questions.

To blog or not to blog

Currently I am in the midst of departmental drama, drama that affects the conversion of my position to tenure track.  As the drama has become more pronounced, I've refrained from blogging about it.  I try to remain as anonymous as possible, but I think it is likely easy to figure out who I am in real life.  So I avoid writing about things that could offend anyone or could reveal too much about my real identity.  But I'm finding I really want to write about the drama, yet I continue to hold back.  That is the question I'm struggling with today while I try to revise a paper for publication.  Do I blog, or do I keep quiet?

Work Drama and the "Ivy Tower"

I don't usually engage in conversations about how tenure track faculty treat non-tenure track faculty or how T-T faculty often live in an ivory tower.  Why?  I'm not entirely sure, but mostly because these conversations, in my estimation, tend to become heated very quickly and are often filled with vitriol.  On any given week, I have enough drama in my personal life (thanks to my extended family and in-laws) that I don't really want to engage in drama in the blogosphere.  This week, however, I am the target of the ivory tower.  While I am not the target directly, I am being directly affected by several T-T faculty members belief in "the system" and their placement in the ivory tower of academia.

Dr. English stopped by my office earlier this week to tell me that my job talk will have to be pushed back again.  It seems that at least three members of the department have come to him and expressed concern over a non-competitive hire.  This department has never made a partner placement.  Yes, you read that correctly; while there are a number of couples in the department and several members have partners in other departments or faculties, this department has never hired a partner of a department member in a non-competitive hire.  There is, however, a slight caveat to that truth.  At least two members of the department (one of whom has a partner on a T-T line in the department and the other has a spouse on a T-T line in a different department) have threatened to leave if their partners weren't considered for T-T positions within the university.  Suddenly, there were T-T positions open specifically in these individuals' spouses' areas, and miraculously, each search committee interviewed and selected these individuals for the open positions.  At no point whatsoever did either committee discuss the fact that these individuals were partners with prominent members of the English department, I'm quite certain.  Incidentally, both of these individuals have been hired in the last 5 years. 

As a result of never having hired someone purely through a partner placement, the department does not have a specific policy on this.  Therefore, to address all the talk, as Dr. English put it, he wants to push back my job talk to discuss department policy on non-competitive hires.  This conversation will take place at the next department meeting, which he specifically asked me not to attend.  Following the conversation, we will set a date for my job talk and interview, and we will move forward.  He assured me that he is certain everything will be fine; he can't, however, make that promise.

All of this annoys me for several reasons.  First, even though Dr. English has assured me that this "isn't about me," it is very hard not to take this personally.  The three people who have expressed concern over a non-competitive hire have made no attempt to meet me, to learn about my work, or to learn about my teaching.  They simply assume that if this is a non-competitive search then, well, I must be below the standards of the department.  Second, none of these individuals cares that I've been teaching in their beloved department since 2009 (or that my teaching scores are a full point higher than the department average, but whatever).  Thus, I'm apparently worthy of teaching their students in both intro level courses and upper level courses, but I'm not worthy of being their colleague.  Third, they seem to have no understanding of how a partner placement could benefit a department.  In this case, specifically, they will have hired a person who does something that no one in their department does--in fact, this was a topic of conversation at a faculty meeting last year, as several junior members were appalled that a department of this size at a major research university does not have a T-T faculty member in this particular field.  Well, not only am I'm firmly in that field, but I also have a historical perspective on said field, something all major research universities in the States have started recognizing is crucial.  Further, I am the only member of said department who has been trained to teach underwater basket weaving, a field that this department is beginning to realize it will have to move into if it is to stay relevant.  Oh, and I'm already here.  They don't have to sell me on CU Land; and if I'm being totally honest, for a young, hot scholar in my field, CU Land would be a hard sell indeed.  Finally, I volunteer for committee work, I show up for meetings, I do my job and I do it well.  So what is the big friggin' deal?

The big friggin' deal is that these three individuals are so far out of touch with reality that not only do they simply not understand how all universities need to have a partner placement policy in place, but they also don't understand that keeping their faculty members happy (even if said faculty member works in another department) is crucial to keeping the university running.  They actually seem to believe there is a difference between them and me because I've worked as a lecturer in their department before earning my current appointment, which is a research based appointment.  And these are the people I was so excited to consider my colleagues only 3 days ago.