After two incredibly productive days, C had problems with his advisor again yesterday. Monday and Tuesday they made great headway, and the first three chapters of his dissertation are finished--or at least ready to send to committee. And he's already spoken with his other committee members, and they both have told him they don't anticipate any problems and are ready to sign off on it. So why is his advisor flipping out and continuing to make comments about his familial responsibilities? I have no idea, but I do know that my usually even-tempered husband called me yesterday afternoon angrier than I have seen him in a long time. Usually he's the one calming me down because I have a quicker temper than he does. But I spent 45 minutes yesterday reminding him why he is in the northeast and why he has to put up with her comments. After her fourth comment regarding his ability to get the dissertation finished and fulfill his familial responsibilities (and after she asked if I had any more conferences to attend!), C finally told his advisor, as politely as he could, that she had made her point and that they needed to get to work so as not to waste the little time they still had together. I am so proud of him for saying that! He kept his temper and managed to get her back on task. Oddly, he seemed more like the teacher than she did.
He and I talked about this for a long time last night, and neither one of us is sure why she had the sudden change in attitude--literally overnight, her entire attitude about his ability to get it all finished changed. While he does have a fair amount of work left to do, it is manageable, and he thinks he can get it done by the end of the month. I hope she cooperates because I don't think he'll be able to stand the disappointment if she prevents him from graduating.
3 comments:
is it possible she's under pressure from somewhere else to get him finished? I'm not defending her--she's being completely inappropriate. Just wondering what could have prompted the change.
This is AWFUL!! Completely inappropriate and uncalled for!
Even if it's so negative, reading about these meetings they're having makes me wish I could also go North and do something similar with my advisor. I wonder if he would do that for/ with me. maybe I should have gone this week, since my husband is away at a conference and doesn't come back until tomorrow (if it weren't for my son's birthday party!). I don't know why I didn't think of it before...
Wow, I wish I could say that I find this whole story unbelievable - but it is all too believable! But it *is* completely inappropriate and bizarre that this women is still so fixated on your husband's familial responsibilities (and your role as wife) that she can't focus on his work. Why not take him at his word that he can finish? What does she have to lose either way? I think that Anastasia is right - there is something else going on here.
It has been interesting to me over the past few years to see the gap between academics' (OK - faculty members) professed ideals and their actual behavior. Like the good Marxist who comes home after spending a sabbatical in Europe skiing in the Alps and then threatens to sue housesitting graduate students for messing up the tupperware. Or professors that support a grad student union in theory, but freak out when TAs dare to mention workload issues. And now that I'm expecting I've received some surprising reactions - perhaps I shouldn't be surprised - but that just shows that I never thought about it until it started to affect me personally. And it freaks me out. I hope that your husband can keep his advisor focused enough to graduate - then he (and you) will have more room to maneuvre.
BTW I started reading your blog recently and I really enjoy it. I hope you don't mind me commenting.
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