Keeping things close to my vest

I generally think of myself as an open person. While I'm not the sort of person who rambles off my life story when someone asks me "How are you doing, M?", I am fairly open with close friends and colleagues. Or at least I used to be. I am realizing that since we've moved to CU Land I'm much less open with the details of my life.

To some degree, I feel like I'm constantly on guard here, particularly when I'm on campus. I'm slowly learning that many of my colleagues don't have a lot of tact, so that doesn't necessarily make me want to reveal things about my life to them. Here's an example of a tactless colleague: yesterday, I had a lengthy conversation with one of my office mates, the first one I've had with this person, in fact. She was very pleasant and informative, and she shared a lot of information about CU Land that I didn't know. She is also a grad student, although at CU, and is teaching part-time in the Women's Studies department while she finishes her dissertation. She asked me how I ended up here from Southwest College Town (which is a very reasonable question), and as I explained the circumstances, she said "Well, that's just bad timing, isn't it?" I gave her a "what the hell are you talking about?" and she elaborated. CU has a policy of writing into new hires' contracts that they will hire their partners in X number of years if the partner has completed her dissertation. She then said, "Too bad you weren't finished when your husband went on the market!" I knew all of this, and while I really wanted to say "Thanks for pointing out the obvious and the impossible!" I just changed the subject. We then got on the topic of post-docs, and she asked if I was going to try to apply for one. I explained that most post-docs in my field require the candidate to teach at the institution or to do research at another institution; since we have Wild Man, that really isn't an option for us. To which she replied, "That is just monumentally bad timing, isn't it? Why would you have a baby while working on your doctorate?" And no, my friends, she wasn't joking. She was quite serious. I have no idea how to respond to such questions other than to tell people off (and this didn't seem like the best tactic to take), so I just said "Well, there isn't really a perfect time to have a baby." Thankfully the conversation ended soon after this, but I have had a number of conversations with colleagues who have demonstrated a similar lack of tact--although none have said things about my decision to have a child.

Another reason why I'm playing things close to the vest is the uncertainty of my situation here. I wrote a few days ago that Dr. Feminist was exploring the option of hiring me for a term-appointment, which would eventually become a tenure-track position. Well, largely because of the sucky economy, that is not going to happen this year, and now the department is struggling to find two courses for me. As a result of my uncertain status, I find myself very mindful of what I say to people. I'm much more likely to talk about my teaching or my work than to share stories about Wild Man; in fact, lots of times, I find myself consciously avoiding talking about Wild Man. I feel like I'm trying to cultivate an image of myself that may or may not be true in an effort to have these people take me seriously so that they will give me a job at some point in the future. And while I understand that is all part of "playing the game," I feel like I'm being false, like I'm not being myself, and that bothers me. I'm missing the freedom that comes with being a definite part of the department, and I don't like feeling as though I'm always on display, even if that isn't necessarily true.