In the past few months, I've been called "ungrateful" at least twice by my mother-in-law. In all fairness, she hasn't used that precise word, but that is the sentiment she expressed. My feelings are hurt. I'm not ungrateful; I appreciate the things she does for me. I even send her thank you notes for every gift she sends S. I try to call her at least once a week (even though C talks with her at least three times a week). And despite the complaints I've made about my in-laws here and elsewhere, I do care for my mother-in-law. But I'm tired. I'm tired of being judged, of being told I don't appreciate family the way she does, of being treated like a bad parent when S get sick, and, most of all, of being blamed for the fact that we live 1,200 miles away. I want from my mother-in-law what I want, but rarely get, from my own mother: love and acceptance.
It sucks that we live so far away. There I said it, and I mean it. It sucks that my father has only met my son once because his work schedule hasn't allowed him to take time off to travel. It sucks that C's dad never met our son. It sucks that we only get to see our families two or three times a year. It sucks that I haven't seen my niece and nephew for over two years. It sucks that my brother, sister, and I haven't been in the same city together in as many years. But that is the reality of our lives. I wish that C's mom could just accept this and make the most of the times we are together. I'm tired of her assuming that I'm perfectly happy to only make occasional visits to my hometown (a city I truly, truly love).
Perhaps this makes me ungrateful, but I fantasize about making a secret visit to my hometown so that C and I can visit our friends who still live there and can eat at our favorite restaurant without having to plan around the myriad of family events we have to attend when we're there. I want to show S the beach, the harbor, the beautiful parks. I want to not feel guilty for having a life of my own.
I'm tired of being treated like my life is a personal affront to my mother-in-law. And if you haven't already noticed, I'm feeling a little sorry for myself today.
3 comments:
great post. i have nothing else to add.
I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It's not fair.
Oh dear, I understand the feeling. My in-laws never said anything, but there was a time they lived in the same town as my whole family in my mom and my dad's side and I felt terrible that I had to hang out with them and not with my family during one Christmas season (my husband's family is very close-knit and they concentrate all activities).
I know about living close to home. Everytime I go to Brazil I can hardly see my friends because I have to stay with family. I'm delighted that now that my in-laws are in the U.S. I get some more time (but I still have to visit my husband's grandma, and his aunts, plus my whole family...). I'm going next week after being away for 1 1/2 years (my parents were here for most of this time, though).
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