A long talk

Yesterday afternoon, C and I had a long talk about the plans for today. I carefully explained how I felt about the situation, and he listened. I offered up several possibilities, and he was open to every one of them. At dinner, we talked to Yetta, and she said she'd really like to drive along the border and see some of the towns there. When C explained that wouldn't be particularly easy to do with Wild Man, she seemed to understand. She asked me point blank what I wanted to do, and I explained that I really didn't want to lose an entire day of work. I said I'd like to work for part of the day, and that way you and C can do whatever you'd like in CU Land (C had already pointed out that there is actually quite a lot to do here). She asked about Wild Man. I said you can take Wild Man with you, or we can take him to school. She visibly blanched at the idea of having to manage Wild Man while C drove her from one place to another, and said, "I think he'd do better at school. That way he won't miss his nap." So that is precisely what happened. C and Yetta dropped me and Wild Man off at the library and his school, respectively, and they are planning to pick us up around 2:30 or 3:00. Then we will head to Mid-west City, where we will have a nice dinner and spend the evening together in the hotel.

My conversation with C was productive for another reason: I think I've finally made him understand why I just don't enjoy going to Home State anymore. Traveling to visit our parents, who live about 30 minutes apart, has been stressful for me for years. It's been difficult for me to articulate why, and I think I have finally been able to do so in a way that C understands. First, as I've said before, our families are just different. His celebrates every single holiday, even Memorial Day and Labor Day; holidays are a big production with lots of people, lots of food, and lots of plans. My family is much more low-key. My parents don't have a lot of friends, and they aren't into entertaining. Holidays (and we only really celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and 4th of July along with our birthdays) were just us. We had our own traditions, but unless we traveled to see family, holidays didn't include anyone but the 5 of us. Second, Yetta plans ahead; for example, she's already planning her Christmas dinner and it's only late-October. My family decides what to do and what to eat about a week before. Third, Yetta wants to be the center of attention; she wants all of her family and her friends around her because she truly does love them and want to spend time with them. To achieve this, she makes plans early, making it difficult for my laid-back parents to make any plans at all (not that they would in the first place). And my parents just want things quiet. They are happy to be included in any holiday plans C's family has, but it honestly doesn't occur to them to make similar plans. Yetta thinks this means my family is rude as they rarely reciprocate by inviting her to their home; it doesn't. They just don't think that way. All of these things make holidays when we're in Home State stressful.

On top of this, there have been some major changes in my family's dynamic in the past few years--changes I'm not comfortable blogging about. Suffice to say, my parents are essentially hermits. They go to work, they run what errands need to be done, and they stay home. When at home, my dad reads, and my mom watches TV while she sews. When we visit, this routine changes only if I make plans for us to do something specific. Otherwise, we just do the things they do everyday, which is hard for me because my parents weren't always like this. At Yetta's, I'm expected to go along with her plans, which usually means we're visiting or shopping. None of this is my idea of fun. Most of my friends have moved away, as has my sister, so I don't really have anyone to see in Home State aside from family. This means that I have no way to escape the tedium of life at my parents or the constant demands of Yetta. C, as I pointed out, has an escape: he goes hunting with his brother. So while he's gone for 6 or 7 hours at a time, I'm stuck trying to keep Wild Man from breaking the innumerable knick-knacks at Yetta's or trying to amuse him at my parents. I emphasized to C that I do not begrudge him the time he spends hunting. This is something he truly loves to do, and he only gets to do it once a year at most. I'm happy for him to spend time with his brother doing something they love. As I said all of this, he looked at me and said, "I get it, M. It just isn't fun for you anymore. It was a lot better before your sister moved away because you could do things with her and her kids, but it's harder now with all the changes that have happened." And he hugged me. Suddenly all the anger and frustration slipped away as I realized that he understands.

All of this means we have a new plan if we do go to Home State in December. We will be traveling before Christmas and back in CU Land, in our own home by Christmas Eve at the latest. We will map out some things that we want to do in Home State with Wild Man, tell our families about these plans, invite them to join us, and go. Since we're planning on driving (a nightmare in itself, I know, but Wild Man doesn't fly free anymore), I will have a means of escape if life at my parents or at Yetta's becomes too much for me. I'm so thankful that I was able to explain all of this to C and that he was so willing to listen. Now I feel like we have a plan that will not leave me feeling stressed and isolated in Home State.