Saturday, May 26, 2012
Home
For the past two days I've been in a lovely city to attend a major conference in my field. The time away has been nice. The panels I've attended have been (mostly) enlightening. I've even managed to get a bit of work done. But after being away for an entire week earlier this month, I'm miss Wild Man and Bear, not to mention Archer. I'm traveling home tomorrow, and while it will be a long day, I'm happy to be going home.
Friday, May 25, 2012
A bit of good news
As I blogged about previously (sorry, I'm not linking right now), the dean has been committed to securing me a T-T line at CU. I'm not one to question a dean, but I think this goal has a lot to do with keeping Archer, who is making a name for himself in his field, here as well as with keeping me here. The fact that I can teach in three departments means that I represent a lot of the things the dean advocates for the future of this faculty. Plus, on my current appointment, which is not T-T but is research focused, I've had one article accepted, sent out two others for review, and secured a $17,000 (yes, you read that correctly) curriculum development grant. I think I've demonstrated what I can do in a research focused position. On a different note, Archer has also received around $15,000 in three separate research grants since he's been at CU. Financially, it just doesn't make sense to get rid of us. Thus, after RD revolted (I've heard about 7 different versions of what happened, none from anyone who was actually there, so I still have no idea what went down), the dean immediately began pursuing another appointment for me.
On Wednesday I (again) presented a job talk and was interviewed. This time, however, the whole process took less than 3 hours. Here is what happened:
Where does this leave me? From a practical standpoint, I'm waiting to hear back from the dean's office on the terms of my contract. I've yet to decide if I want to negotiate any of the terms. Part of me wants to, but part of me wants to just sign the damn thing and move on. From an emotional standpoint, this appointment feels right. I'm not sure I can really explain why. I will say that the response to my talk was vastly different than when I presented it during the first interview. While I do think that it was well received that time, this time everyone in the room had offered a piece of positive feedback, and everyone remarked that the work I'm doing brings these two departments together really well. It was an overwhelmingly positive experience. I was nervous; I was really nervous given what happened last time. But I left the room knowing that everyone who attended saw that my work is valuable and worthwhile. That was not a feeling I had following the first interview.
I'm still not sure what this means for us long term. But after a very tumultuous few months at CU, in which nearly every day raised another issue that caused me to be uncertain about how I would be treated in RD, I know now I'm in a place, both literally and metaphorically, where the people around me are committed to helping me develop as a scholar and a teacher. That means a lot.
On Wednesday I (again) presented a job talk and was interviewed. This time, however, the whole process took less than 3 hours. Here is what happened:
- 1:00--I gave my talk, following a lengthy Q&A, which turned into a fantastic conversation about my paper.
- 2:20--I took a break, while everyone attending the talk was asked to stay and offer their feedback to the committee.
- 2:45--my interview started. I was asked lots of typical questions, and at one point, one committee member corrected another committee member on the content of my CV. That was weird, but it also meant I didn't have to be the one to correct the committee member who had misread my CV.
- 3:30--I left the interview room, and the committee met to discuss my appointment.
- 3:45--the chairs of the two departments in which I may be appointed came to my office to gleefully tell me that the committee had agreed to recommend that I be offered a T-T, joint appointment in their departments.
Where does this leave me? From a practical standpoint, I'm waiting to hear back from the dean's office on the terms of my contract. I've yet to decide if I want to negotiate any of the terms. Part of me wants to, but part of me wants to just sign the damn thing and move on. From an emotional standpoint, this appointment feels right. I'm not sure I can really explain why. I will say that the response to my talk was vastly different than when I presented it during the first interview. While I do think that it was well received that time, this time everyone in the room had offered a piece of positive feedback, and everyone remarked that the work I'm doing brings these two departments together really well. It was an overwhelmingly positive experience. I was nervous; I was really nervous given what happened last time. But I left the room knowing that everyone who attended saw that my work is valuable and worthwhile. That was not a feeling I had following the first interview.
I'm still not sure what this means for us long term. But after a very tumultuous few months at CU, in which nearly every day raised another issue that caused me to be uncertain about how I would be treated in RD, I know now I'm in a place, both literally and metaphorically, where the people around me are committed to helping me develop as a scholar and a teacher. That means a lot.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Moving Forward, Part 2
Moving forward after the debacle of interviewing for a position that I was repeatedly assured was mine has been harder than I thought. At first, I experienced what I think are normal emotions: shock, anger, betrayal, confusion, more anger. I'm trying hard to move forward. To that end I've done a number of things that I didn't have to do, but that felt essential to maintaining my own sanity.
First, I've severed as many ties as possible with RD, without burning any bridges. To accomplish this, I've had my name taken off of their website, and I've also had my primary affiliation on CU's website changed (this one necessitated a few phone calls). I've relocated offices--this one was only possible because Dr. Writing, who has also had tenuous dealings with RD throughout her time at CU, understood why I didn't want to be in that department. I've turned in my mailbox key. I've removed my name from the faculty directory and my door. All the while, I've thanked the staff, who have always been kind and cooperative, and I've also made sure to be courteous and polite with any RD faculty members I've had to deal with while accomplishing these tasks. For the most part, this has been easy as the faculty members in administrative positions don't seem to be the ones who had issues with this appointment. It likely also helps that the dean spoke directly to RD chair and told him to help me move my stuff without any question. In fact, I think the dean, who graciously offered to have guys from the physical plant move all my boxes to my temporary office, made RD chair find the money in his budget to cover the cost.
Second, I've tried to get back to work. I'm revising an article, which I hope to send out by next month, and I am working on an anthology proposal with two lovely colleagues, who also happen to be dear friends.
Third, I'm trying hard to focus on the positive. I will likely end up with a T-T job once everything has settled down. Given the state of the academic job market, securing such a position at the same university where Archer teaches is no small feat. Plus, we're settled in CU Land. This has, as I've suddenly realized, become home. I really like it here. That simple fact has enabled me to move past a lot.
I am dealing with some a bit of an identity crisis, though. On Friday I found myself in tears after I realized that staying at CU likely means I will never teach a course in my primary field of research. Yes, I will likely be able to focus on certain authors I study, and I will definitely be able to incorporate the genres I focus on. But I may never teach another course on the Survey of Underwater Basket Weaving. That was a bit hard to swallow.
For right now, I don't know what the future holds. I know we'll be here next year. Beyond that I can't say. If I was asked that question a month ago, I likely would have said, "Oh, we'll be here indefinitely." I has not in a place to even think about going back on the job market, nor was Archer. Now I don't know. We're taking things one day at a time.
First, I've severed as many ties as possible with RD, without burning any bridges. To accomplish this, I've had my name taken off of their website, and I've also had my primary affiliation on CU's website changed (this one necessitated a few phone calls). I've relocated offices--this one was only possible because Dr. Writing, who has also had tenuous dealings with RD throughout her time at CU, understood why I didn't want to be in that department. I've turned in my mailbox key. I've removed my name from the faculty directory and my door. All the while, I've thanked the staff, who have always been kind and cooperative, and I've also made sure to be courteous and polite with any RD faculty members I've had to deal with while accomplishing these tasks. For the most part, this has been easy as the faculty members in administrative positions don't seem to be the ones who had issues with this appointment. It likely also helps that the dean spoke directly to RD chair and told him to help me move my stuff without any question. In fact, I think the dean, who graciously offered to have guys from the physical plant move all my boxes to my temporary office, made RD chair find the money in his budget to cover the cost.
Second, I've tried to get back to work. I'm revising an article, which I hope to send out by next month, and I am working on an anthology proposal with two lovely colleagues, who also happen to be dear friends.
Third, I'm trying hard to focus on the positive. I will likely end up with a T-T job once everything has settled down. Given the state of the academic job market, securing such a position at the same university where Archer teaches is no small feat. Plus, we're settled in CU Land. This has, as I've suddenly realized, become home. I really like it here. That simple fact has enabled me to move past a lot.
I am dealing with some a bit of an identity crisis, though. On Friday I found myself in tears after I realized that staying at CU likely means I will never teach a course in my primary field of research. Yes, I will likely be able to focus on certain authors I study, and I will definitely be able to incorporate the genres I focus on. But I may never teach another course on the Survey of Underwater Basket Weaving. That was a bit hard to swallow.
For right now, I don't know what the future holds. I know we'll be here next year. Beyond that I can't say. If I was asked that question a month ago, I likely would have said, "Oh, we'll be here indefinitely." I has not in a place to even think about going back on the job market, nor was Archer. Now I don't know. We're taking things one day at a time.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Moving forward
Things are moving forward with a second attempt at securing me a tenure track appointment. This process has already been infinitely more transparent and is moving faster. I'm cautiously optimistic. I can say my appointment will not have anything to do with Research Department. I'm going to be cryptic for a few days until I know something more definite.
The Good and the Bad
Yetta and Pita are now home; they left on Saturday morning, so Archer, the boys, and I have had some time to settle back into our routine. Their visit, most of which Archer and I were out of town for, went well, mostly. I particularly enjoyed my time with Yetta, which is not always something I can say. She and I, however, had several really long conversations. She was incredibly supportive after the interview debacle, which was surprising. She only asked once about the possibility of returning to the States. For the most part, she was in a good mood, which meant I didn't need to be on edge, so we had a great visit. I think it also helps that she's been battling a health problem that, while difficult to adapt to, has actually left her in better health.
She has Meniere's disease, which is an disease of the inner ear. One of the only ways to treat it without taking medication constantly is to cut sodium out of one's diet. Doing this means she has had to change her diet drastically, which has led to some fairly dramatic weight loss. In the past 6 months, Yetta has lost about 60 pounds, and because she can't eat fast food, has to watch what she eats when she goes out, and is determined not to suffer the effects of the disease, she has kept the weight off without a problem. This means she gets around easier, feels better, and has more energy. Those things mean she is a happier person. She also appreciated that Archer and I have made some changes to our diet so that it isn't much work for us to accommodate her when she comes for visit. I've always cooked with very little salt, but I've started buying as many low-sodium or sodium free products as possible. I also made sure she had lots of low-sodium or no-sodium things she could eat while we were gone. She was surprised, and she said more than once how much that meant to her. Hey, she came 1,000 miles to take care of my children; I figured that was the least I could do.
As for Pita, well, she was Pita. Mostly she was great. She loves the boys, and she devoted most of her attention to them, which is what I wanted and expected her to do. She does lots of little things that grate on my nerves that I have to consciously overlook. She never washes a dish. NEVER. She doesn't even take her own dish to the sink after a meal--Wild Man is 5, and he does this 85% of the time without being asked. She doesn't push her chair under the table. She is a large woman with a large personality, so she takes up a lot of space, both literally and figuratively. Figuratively, she's like a big kid herself, so both Archer, Yetta, and I were constantly reminding her of the boys' schedule and to stop having tickle-fests 20 minutes before bed. Literally, she weighs 400+ pounds. This became an issue when she was in the kitchen while anyone was cooking. My kitchen is not large; in fact, Archer and I struggle to cook in it together. At some point we'll be able to redesign it, but that point is not anytime in the near future. The size of my kitchen coupled with her size meant that I had to ask her to move several times just so I could get to the stove or the refrigerator. She got annoyed because I asked her to move, and I got annoyed because she was in the way.
From a different perspective, her size frustrates me because she is not in good health. As I've said, my children love her. I'd like her to be around for them. I'm not sure how much longer she will be around given her myriad of health issues. It seems that while Yetta has lost weight, Pita has gained, and there is nothing that I, who normally weighs under 110, can say to her.
Pita has certain expectations that both Archer and I think are unreasonable, and she doesn't hesitate to make it known when her feelings have been hurt over something that really doesn't have anything to do with her. One evening the subject of guardianship came up in a round about way (Yetta mentioned she was very nervous knowing Archer and I were on the same flight in case something happened to both of us, and we assured her that everything was taken care of financially for the boys), and Pita, who knows she has not been named as the boys' guardian, got very upset. She actually left the dinner table and refused to speak to anyone for the remainder of the evening, including Bear and Wild Man. So, as usual, the visit with Pita did present its own challenges.
Yetta will be back sometime in August, following the birth of #3, and I have no idea when Pita will be here. Yetta is not fond of traveling by herself, so it is possible she would try to arrange the visit so she and Pita could travel together. I've asked Archer to encourage her to come on her own. It's just easier for everyone involved.
She has Meniere's disease, which is an disease of the inner ear. One of the only ways to treat it without taking medication constantly is to cut sodium out of one's diet. Doing this means she has had to change her diet drastically, which has led to some fairly dramatic weight loss. In the past 6 months, Yetta has lost about 60 pounds, and because she can't eat fast food, has to watch what she eats when she goes out, and is determined not to suffer the effects of the disease, she has kept the weight off without a problem. This means she gets around easier, feels better, and has more energy. Those things mean she is a happier person. She also appreciated that Archer and I have made some changes to our diet so that it isn't much work for us to accommodate her when she comes for visit. I've always cooked with very little salt, but I've started buying as many low-sodium or sodium free products as possible. I also made sure she had lots of low-sodium or no-sodium things she could eat while we were gone. She was surprised, and she said more than once how much that meant to her. Hey, she came 1,000 miles to take care of my children; I figured that was the least I could do.
As for Pita, well, she was Pita. Mostly she was great. She loves the boys, and she devoted most of her attention to them, which is what I wanted and expected her to do. She does lots of little things that grate on my nerves that I have to consciously overlook. She never washes a dish. NEVER. She doesn't even take her own dish to the sink after a meal--Wild Man is 5, and he does this 85% of the time without being asked. She doesn't push her chair under the table. She is a large woman with a large personality, so she takes up a lot of space, both literally and figuratively. Figuratively, she's like a big kid herself, so both Archer, Yetta, and I were constantly reminding her of the boys' schedule and to stop having tickle-fests 20 minutes before bed. Literally, she weighs 400+ pounds. This became an issue when she was in the kitchen while anyone was cooking. My kitchen is not large; in fact, Archer and I struggle to cook in it together. At some point we'll be able to redesign it, but that point is not anytime in the near future. The size of my kitchen coupled with her size meant that I had to ask her to move several times just so I could get to the stove or the refrigerator. She got annoyed because I asked her to move, and I got annoyed because she was in the way.
From a different perspective, her size frustrates me because she is not in good health. As I've said, my children love her. I'd like her to be around for them. I'm not sure how much longer she will be around given her myriad of health issues. It seems that while Yetta has lost weight, Pita has gained, and there is nothing that I, who normally weighs under 110, can say to her.
Pita has certain expectations that both Archer and I think are unreasonable, and she doesn't hesitate to make it known when her feelings have been hurt over something that really doesn't have anything to do with her. One evening the subject of guardianship came up in a round about way (Yetta mentioned she was very nervous knowing Archer and I were on the same flight in case something happened to both of us, and we assured her that everything was taken care of financially for the boys), and Pita, who knows she has not been named as the boys' guardian, got very upset. She actually left the dinner table and refused to speak to anyone for the remainder of the evening, including Bear and Wild Man. So, as usual, the visit with Pita did present its own challenges.
Yetta will be back sometime in August, following the birth of #3, and I have no idea when Pita will be here. Yetta is not fond of traveling by herself, so it is possible she would try to arrange the visit so she and Pita could travel together. I've asked Archer to encourage her to come on her own. It's just easier for everyone involved.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
The Routine
We're settling back into our routine. It is taking longer for the boys to settle in that I expected, primarily, I think, because Yetta and Pita are still here. They leave today, so I'm hoping that will help. Their visit has gone well, at least as far as Yetta and I are concerned. We've had several great conversations, and we're learning more and more about each other. Pita, well, she's Pita. She's had a hard time stepping back now that Archer and I are home. She is still trying to "parent" Wild Man and Bear. It irks me whenever someone else tries to parent my children in front of me, and it especially irks me when she does it as our values are very different. I'm fine with her caring for my children for a week, but she is not someone I would feel comfortable being a daily presence in their lives. It's doubly hard when everything becomes about her, but I'll save that for another post.
I met with the Dean yesterday, and s/he was helpful to an extent. I got the distinct impression s/he didn't want to answer a lot of questions, which I found troubling. The Dean laid out the available options, but did not offer much in the way of advice. While every questioned I asked was answered, I did feel like the Dean was, well, being a Dean. This entire situation has put the Dean in an awkward position, and likely, the Dean realizes I have grounds for a grievance (against the Dean, against RC, against the entire appointments committee of RD). So I'm going to attribute the hesitancy to answer questions to that. I'm going to try to meet with one more person early in the week to ask a few more questions before I give the Dean my final answer about where I want to be appointed. And then we'll see what we see.
I met with the Dean yesterday, and s/he was helpful to an extent. I got the distinct impression s/he didn't want to answer a lot of questions, which I found troubling. The Dean laid out the available options, but did not offer much in the way of advice. While every questioned I asked was answered, I did feel like the Dean was, well, being a Dean. This entire situation has put the Dean in an awkward position, and likely, the Dean realizes I have grounds for a grievance (against the Dean, against RC, against the entire appointments committee of RD). So I'm going to attribute the hesitancy to answer questions to that. I'm going to try to meet with one more person early in the week to ask a few more questions before I give the Dean my final answer about where I want to be appointed. And then we'll see what we see.
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Anxious
My good friend J just emailed me. She has offered to meet me at CU on Friday to pack up my office and then to take me out to lunch to cheer me up. She is a wonderful friend, and I'm glad to have her in my life. Her email, however, made the fact that I am returning to CU Land and all of the drama at CU very real.
It seems like a small thing--changing offices. But after not having an office for 3 years, I have grown to love my little office, which is even painted in a color I chose. Being away has been a bit of a respite from reality. Yes, we've talked about everything, and I've communicated with Dr. Writing, Dr. Rhetoric, and the Dean. We have a plan. I know how I'm going to proceed.
But I haven't actually had to face any of the unpleasant people yet (not that the above mentioned people are the unpleasant ones). Suddenly I'm feeling a bit anxious about returning. For now, though, I'm going to do my best to quiet that anxiety and enjoy my last evening away with Archer.
It seems like a small thing--changing offices. But after not having an office for 3 years, I have grown to love my little office, which is even painted in a color I chose. Being away has been a bit of a respite from reality. Yes, we've talked about everything, and I've communicated with Dr. Writing, Dr. Rhetoric, and the Dean. We have a plan. I know how I'm going to proceed.
But I haven't actually had to face any of the unpleasant people yet (not that the above mentioned people are the unpleasant ones). Suddenly I'm feeling a bit anxious about returning. For now, though, I'm going to do my best to quiet that anxiety and enjoy my last evening away with Archer.
Wrapping Up
Today is the last day of our trip, and Archer and I are taking the day off from research. Despite everything that transpired at the end of last week (was it really on a few days ago? It seems like a lifetime in many ways), we've made the most of our time together. His research proved to be very productive, and it now looks like he'll get an article out of the things he found. He also now knows the images that he thought existed do in fact exist, so he will have to return to secure image rights for his book project. For me, the research has been a bit more frustrating. I came having no idea what I would find. I was hoping for something specific, and while I didn't find what I was hoping for, I did uncover some interesting biographical things about an author I work on. So now I have to figure out if what I discovered is at all significant which means doing a lot of research into secondary materials.
As for the job stuff, my conversation with Dr. Writing and Dr. Rhetoric revealed about what I had expected. Research Department (not the chair or the other member of the committee, it seems) used me to make a point, and that point is that they want nothing to do with partner-placements or joint appointments. Fine. They could have made that point without putting me through the ordeal of an "interview." I meet with the Dean when we return, and we'll see what we see. The Dean is pissed (D's words, not mine), and D is committed to securing a T-T line for me. I have lots of questions, and I want answers before I say where I'd prefer to be appointed. I am not leaving Teaching Department, but I know the Dean is leaning toward having me joint appointed in another department--one which I've worked in before and has a history of valuing partner-placements.
Oh, and Dr. Writing has moved mountains (literally of books) so that I do not have to spend too much more time in my office that is located in Research Department. Archer and I will move my stuff to my temporary office early next week. It will be a relief not to have to be in that department in any way whatsoever. I am also going to schedule an "exit interview" with Research Chair. I feel that RC owes me some answers. I realize I am not likely to get any satisfaction out of this meaning and that I will probably just get upset. But if seeing me makes RC uncomfortable in anyway whatsoever, I'll take some joy in that.
As for the job stuff, my conversation with Dr. Writing and Dr. Rhetoric revealed about what I had expected. Research Department (not the chair or the other member of the committee, it seems) used me to make a point, and that point is that they want nothing to do with partner-placements or joint appointments. Fine. They could have made that point without putting me through the ordeal of an "interview." I meet with the Dean when we return, and we'll see what we see. The Dean is pissed (D's words, not mine), and D is committed to securing a T-T line for me. I have lots of questions, and I want answers before I say where I'd prefer to be appointed. I am not leaving Teaching Department, but I know the Dean is leaning toward having me joint appointed in another department--one which I've worked in before and has a history of valuing partner-placements.
Oh, and Dr. Writing has moved mountains (literally of books) so that I do not have to spend too much more time in my office that is located in Research Department. Archer and I will move my stuff to my temporary office early next week. It will be a relief not to have to be in that department in any way whatsoever. I am also going to schedule an "exit interview" with Research Chair. I feel that RC owes me some answers. I realize I am not likely to get any satisfaction out of this meaning and that I will probably just get upset. But if seeing me makes RC uncomfortable in anyway whatsoever, I'll take some joy in that.
Friday, May 04, 2012
The lamb
About a week ago I had a conversation with the dean in which I firmly expressed that I did not want to be a sacrificial lamb for the partner placement initiative, such as it is, at CU. The dean firmly agreed and indicated that everything that could be done would be done to prevent it. I am acutely aware that the dean has two back up plans in place. I do believe this dean is committed to ensuring that Archer and I stay at CU. After all, as the dean reminded me, in the last 4 years, we've both brought in about $40,000 in grant money; Archer has made a name for himself in a fairly small field while teaching in a country that barely recognizes said field; I've designed 4 classes that have increased enrollment in 3 departments; and we've both demonstrated that we have strong research potential. All the while, the dean added, while staying on the job market and balancing our home life with our careers. The dean reminded me, however, (as deans are wont to do, I suppose) that sh/e could only control so much. The dean reiterated that the joint appointment as it has originally been envisioned was still the way sh/e preferred to go--for lots of reasons, the primary one being that the two departments are about to merge. I am the only person on campus who can teach in both departments. The plan makes a lot of sense.
In an entirely separate conversation with the chair of Research department, I again stated I did not want to be made a sacrificial lamb. RC (Research Chair) assured me that this was not going to happen, saying that if a decision was made by the appropriate committee to move forward with the interview then the appointment would go through. I said again, "I'm not sure I believe that is the case; however, this appointment reflects the career track I want to be on. Therefore, I will trust you." That is where I made my mistake.
The interview happened on Monday. I thought it went well. The questions following my talk turned into a conversation. Two faculty members stayed after the Q&A ended to follow up on issues in which our research areas overlap. The following interview was also a conversation. Lunch went well. The grad students seemed to like me. Dinner was a bit awkward, but it was fine. RC assured me I had put my best foot forward and that all would go well.
The dean called me yesterday about 40 minutes after Archer and I landed for our babymoon/research trip. The committee met sometime yesterday to finalize the appointment, or so I had been told before I left town. All had not gone well. I was, in fact, made the sacrificial lamb. I will not be holding a joint appointment in Research department and Teaching department. I know nothing more than that. I have a conference call scheduled with the chair of TD later today. I'm hoping to get answers, but I suspect TC will only be able to tell me so much. I may be scheduling a meeting with my union rep when we return to CU Land as well.
In an entirely separate conversation with the chair of Research department, I again stated I did not want to be made a sacrificial lamb. RC (Research Chair) assured me that this was not going to happen, saying that if a decision was made by the appropriate committee to move forward with the interview then the appointment would go through. I said again, "I'm not sure I believe that is the case; however, this appointment reflects the career track I want to be on. Therefore, I will trust you." That is where I made my mistake.
The interview happened on Monday. I thought it went well. The questions following my talk turned into a conversation. Two faculty members stayed after the Q&A ended to follow up on issues in which our research areas overlap. The following interview was also a conversation. Lunch went well. The grad students seemed to like me. Dinner was a bit awkward, but it was fine. RC assured me I had put my best foot forward and that all would go well.
The dean called me yesterday about 40 minutes after Archer and I landed for our babymoon/research trip. The committee met sometime yesterday to finalize the appointment, or so I had been told before I left town. All had not gone well. I was, in fact, made the sacrificial lamb. I will not be holding a joint appointment in Research department and Teaching department. I know nothing more than that. I have a conference call scheduled with the chair of TD later today. I'm hoping to get answers, but I suspect TC will only be able to tell me so much. I may be scheduling a meeting with my union rep when we return to CU Land as well.
Thursday, May 03, 2012
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
An update
Monday went well. My talk seemed to be well received; the interview portion became a dialogue very quickly; and everyone was polite and cordial. The biggest shock: more than half of the people present had absolutely no idea I was pregnant. No one commented on it--Canada has signed Human Rights legislation, after all. There were lots of shocked stares, however. Oh well. The committee is supposed to be meeting tomorrow. I expect to hear something at some point via email as Archer and I leave for our babymoon/research trip tomorrow.
As for that, Yetta and Pita are here, and the boys are having a blast. I think they'll be okay, although I know Bear will be a bit moody by Sunday. I've stressed the importance of keeping them on their schedule, and Yetta seems keen to follow it. I know they'll be safe, loved, and fed. But I also know lots of things will get done in a way much different than I would do them. That bothers me a bit, to be quite honest. But Archer and I need this time together. I am exhausted. I need sometime to just be with my husband, to think about things not related to CU, and to have some adult fun.
As for that, Yetta and Pita are here, and the boys are having a blast. I think they'll be okay, although I know Bear will be a bit moody by Sunday. I've stressed the importance of keeping them on their schedule, and Yetta seems keen to follow it. I know they'll be safe, loved, and fed. But I also know lots of things will get done in a way much different than I would do them. That bothers me a bit, to be quite honest. But Archer and I need this time together. I am exhausted. I need sometime to just be with my husband, to think about things not related to CU, and to have some adult fun.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Preparing
Somehow, last week, all the planets aligned in my favor (or at least I think it was in my favor), and Research Department decided a joint appointment was a good idea. Oh, and that directly going against the express wishes of the dean was likely not a good move. So my interview that has been scheduled for about 2 weeks is going forward tomorrow. I've been prepping for the last 2 weeks, as you might imagine, but I spent a good portion of yesterday putting some things together. Today I'm rereading my job letter, my writing sample, and my job talk. I more or less know what questions to expect, but I want to put on the best possible "show" I can tomorrow. Archer has taken over with the boys. They are installing a ceiling fan right now, and later they will make a trip to Home Depot to buy some things for the garden. He even has my muffin recipe in hand so he and Wild Man can make muffins while Bear naps later today. My biggest concern right now: I woke up with a cold this morning. Here's hoping I can stave the worst of it off with fluids and physical, if not mental rest.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Pet Peeve
I know that what I'm about to write makes me an incredibly uncharitable person in many ways, but it is a personal pet peeve. Therefore, the peeve likely says a great deal about me. I'm okay with that. Please don't remind me of my uncharitable nature; I'm already well aware of it. I'm working on it. I am, however, self-aware enough to realize this pet peeve is likely not going away anytime soon. I have never told anyone who does what I'm about to describe how much it annoys me; I have always successfully managed to hide my annoyance because I do know that, ultimately, the people making the annoying statement are making it out of love. But honestly, it still irritates me.
Here it is: I do not like it when other people refer to Wild Man and Bear as "my little boys." Call them your nephews, your buddies, your sweethearts, your grandsons, your great-grandsons, your friends. Do not call them "my little boys." They are not "your little boys." They are mine and Archer's little boys, and we don't even refer to them that way. Why? Because, ultimately, they are individuals and we don't own them. And neither do you.
Here it is: I do not like it when other people refer to Wild Man and Bear as "my little boys." Call them your nephews, your buddies, your sweethearts, your grandsons, your great-grandsons, your friends. Do not call them "my little boys." They are not "your little boys." They are mine and Archer's little boys, and we don't even refer to them that way. Why? Because, ultimately, they are individuals and we don't own them. And neither do you.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
And just like that . . .
the tide shifts.
I'm sorry for being cryptic. I will write about everything that has transpired today, once I process it all. Good, bad? At this point, I honestly don't know.
I'm sorry for being cryptic. I will write about everything that has transpired today, once I process it all. Good, bad? At this point, I honestly don't know.
Wild Man, Pink, and peer judgement
Wild Man loves pink. In fact, pink is his favorite color. He frequently laments the fact that boys' clothes aren't pink. You see, he doesn't want to wear skirts or dresses. He is quite happy in his cords and polo shirts, but he wants his polo shirts to be pink. Or he wants a few of them to be pink. Archer has several shirts that have pink in them, and Wild Man is having a tough time understanding why his father has pink shirts, but he doesn't. (As an aside, I have a hard time with this myself. Why is it okay for a grown man to wear pink, but not okay for a five year old boy? I'm sure it has something to do with parents not wanting their sons to be too "girly" whereas an adult male has already established his masculinity, but I have no hard evidence to back this up.) So Wild Man makes do. He often wears a pink headband to school, especially on days he wants to dress up, and he wears his one pink shirt on any day he deems special.
Recently I've been putting juice in Wild Man's lunch bag for SK rather than water (this is a long story, but suffice to say, he doesn't drink the water and was saying he wasn't feeling well; I decided he was dehydrated, so I started sending juice. He drinks the juice). One day he asked me to put his juice in his pink sparkly insulated cup (like this one, only pink and sparkly). I said sure, thinking "a cup is a cup is a cup," and began putting that cup in his lunch bag every day.
A few days ago, while I was volunteering in Wild Man's SK classroom, one of the little girls in his class walked over to me during snack time. She tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Wild Man's mom (this is what all the kids in the class call me), why do you let Wild Man bring a pink cup to school? Don't you think that it is weird for a boy to have a pink cup?" While she asked me this question, I looked over at Wild Man, who was sitting 2 tables away, happily drinking his juice and eating the strawberries I had packed him. He hair was, as usual, hanging in his face, and he had green and pink paint on his pants from an art project he'd worked on earlier in the day. I turned to his classmate, who was dressed head-to-toe in pink and silver sequined Mary Jane sneakers. I said, "Well, Wild Man really likes pink, so no, I don't think it is weird. Why do you think it is weird?" She said, "Boys aren't supposed to like pink." At this point, Wild Man overheard our conversation and walked over to us. He said, "I like pink a lot, so I wanted a pink cup. Pink is my favorite color. I think anyone can like pink." The girl looked at me as if to say, "Um, no, that isn't right," but she returned to her table and resumed eating her snack. Wild Man continued his conversation about Star Wars, and I returned to the list of tasks Wild Man's teacher had asked me to complete.
I am very proud of how Wild Man responded, and I'm really proud of how confident he is. He likes pink. He doesn't care what anyone else says, and he is clearly capable of handling such comments on his own. I do have to admit that I was more than a bit surprised that a girl not a boy expressed discomfort with Wild Man having a pink cup. I've been waiting on one of the boys in his class to say something about his pink shirts, his ties (yes, he occasionally wears a tie to school), his pink headband, or his pink cup. I wasn't prepared for the girls to say something. Now I'm wondering what that says about my own conceptions of gender.
Recently I've been putting juice in Wild Man's lunch bag for SK rather than water (this is a long story, but suffice to say, he doesn't drink the water and was saying he wasn't feeling well; I decided he was dehydrated, so I started sending juice. He drinks the juice). One day he asked me to put his juice in his pink sparkly insulated cup (like this one, only pink and sparkly). I said sure, thinking "a cup is a cup is a cup," and began putting that cup in his lunch bag every day.
A few days ago, while I was volunteering in Wild Man's SK classroom, one of the little girls in his class walked over to me during snack time. She tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Wild Man's mom (this is what all the kids in the class call me), why do you let Wild Man bring a pink cup to school? Don't you think that it is weird for a boy to have a pink cup?" While she asked me this question, I looked over at Wild Man, who was sitting 2 tables away, happily drinking his juice and eating the strawberries I had packed him. He hair was, as usual, hanging in his face, and he had green and pink paint on his pants from an art project he'd worked on earlier in the day. I turned to his classmate, who was dressed head-to-toe in pink and silver sequined Mary Jane sneakers. I said, "Well, Wild Man really likes pink, so no, I don't think it is weird. Why do you think it is weird?" She said, "Boys aren't supposed to like pink." At this point, Wild Man overheard our conversation and walked over to us. He said, "I like pink a lot, so I wanted a pink cup. Pink is my favorite color. I think anyone can like pink." The girl looked at me as if to say, "Um, no, that isn't right," but she returned to her table and resumed eating her snack. Wild Man continued his conversation about Star Wars, and I returned to the list of tasks Wild Man's teacher had asked me to complete.
I am very proud of how Wild Man responded, and I'm really proud of how confident he is. He likes pink. He doesn't care what anyone else says, and he is clearly capable of handling such comments on his own. I do have to admit that I was more than a bit surprised that a girl not a boy expressed discomfort with Wild Man having a pink cup. I've been waiting on one of the boys in his class to say something about his pink shirts, his ties (yes, he occasionally wears a tie to school), his pink headband, or his pink cup. I wasn't prepared for the girls to say something. Now I'm wondering what that says about my own conceptions of gender.
More on the short of it
As I wrote yesterday, I had several meetings in an attempt to figure out how to proceed. I met with Dr. Writing and Dr. Rhetoric, and I had a phone conversation with the dean. Drs. Writing and Rhetoric were, as always, wonderful and supportive. They helped me work through the decisions I have to make. They also listened to me vent the process. They outlined their vision for me, which more or less matches my own vision, and reassured me that they see me as a valuable member of the program, something they have already told me and, more importantly, demonstrated.
I then spoke with the dean, who (as much as a dean can) expressed frustration with the situation and apologized. As much as I've been able to determine, the dean isn't the problem. In fact, the dean has been among my most vocal supporters, primarily from an institutional standpoint more than a personal one, but frankly, that's what I expect from a dean. I will say that the dean sees me as key to several projects within the faculty, and the dean further sees both joint appointments and partner-placements as key to building a healthy, collegial community in the faculty. I see those things as valuable too. I like that I am a trailblazer to some extent; I do not, however, want to be a sacrificial lamb, and I said that to the dean. We discussed the options available to me, and the dean is not ready to give up on the track we've been headed down since October. I stated very emphatically that in an ideal world the current track is also my preference; however, I do not think it is likely to work out given the personalities involved, and I am no longer certain I can receive a fair assessment from several key players involved. I reiterated that I do not want to be a sacrificial lamb. I also stated I am not willing to renew my contract as it currently stands to "try" this whole process again next year. Without using the word grievance, I made it as clear as I could that I've been advised that I have grounds for a grievance; to avoid taking that route, I want this matter resolved as soon as possible. The dean was positive and supportive (have I mentioned I really like this individual? I appreciate the forthrightness, again as much as a dean can be forthright, and the pragmatism this individual demonstrates). We ended the conversation with the dean assuring me that I would know something definite by this afternoon. We're scheduled to meet Monday morning, so I have some time to deal with whatever that decision is and make my own decisions.
As for how I'm feeling, I've moved on from being hurt to being pissed. I realize that much of what is going on is political and most of it has little to do with me. I am, unfortunately, simply the person who is seeking a partner placement, something for which I am more than qualified . I am not asking for a t-t position to be handed to me. Quite the contrary. I've willingly and, dare I say, happily submitted all the same materials I submitted for any other job search. I've been preparing a talk for weeks (Archer has read the damn thing twice, and my research group has read it once). I expect to be evaluated, but I also expect that I'll be given a fair chance. I have been working under the assumption that once everyone saw my C.V., job letter, writing sample, letters of recommendation, and teaching philosophy they would see what I bring to the table. I then assumed hearing my job talk would help them see that I do something that is worthwhile, something that no one else at CU does. I have not been naive, but I have assumed that people would be fair. That's where I was wrong.
I'll know something by 1:00 today. And at this point, I have no idea what I want the outcome to be.
I then spoke with the dean, who (as much as a dean can) expressed frustration with the situation and apologized. As much as I've been able to determine, the dean isn't the problem. In fact, the dean has been among my most vocal supporters, primarily from an institutional standpoint more than a personal one, but frankly, that's what I expect from a dean. I will say that the dean sees me as key to several projects within the faculty, and the dean further sees both joint appointments and partner-placements as key to building a healthy, collegial community in the faculty. I see those things as valuable too. I like that I am a trailblazer to some extent; I do not, however, want to be a sacrificial lamb, and I said that to the dean. We discussed the options available to me, and the dean is not ready to give up on the track we've been headed down since October. I stated very emphatically that in an ideal world the current track is also my preference; however, I do not think it is likely to work out given the personalities involved, and I am no longer certain I can receive a fair assessment from several key players involved. I reiterated that I do not want to be a sacrificial lamb. I also stated I am not willing to renew my contract as it currently stands to "try" this whole process again next year. Without using the word grievance, I made it as clear as I could that I've been advised that I have grounds for a grievance; to avoid taking that route, I want this matter resolved as soon as possible. The dean was positive and supportive (have I mentioned I really like this individual? I appreciate the forthrightness, again as much as a dean can be forthright, and the pragmatism this individual demonstrates). We ended the conversation with the dean assuring me that I would know something definite by this afternoon. We're scheduled to meet Monday morning, so I have some time to deal with whatever that decision is and make my own decisions.
As for how I'm feeling, I've moved on from being hurt to being pissed. I realize that much of what is going on is political and most of it has little to do with me. I am, unfortunately, simply the person who is seeking a partner placement, something for which I am more than qualified . I am not asking for a t-t position to be handed to me. Quite the contrary. I've willingly and, dare I say, happily submitted all the same materials I submitted for any other job search. I've been preparing a talk for weeks (Archer has read the damn thing twice, and my research group has read it once). I expect to be evaluated, but I also expect that I'll be given a fair chance. I have been working under the assumption that once everyone saw my C.V., job letter, writing sample, letters of recommendation, and teaching philosophy they would see what I bring to the table. I then assumed hearing my job talk would help them see that I do something that is worthwhile, something that no one else at CU does. I have not been naive, but I have assumed that people would be fair. That's where I was wrong.
I'll know something by 1:00 today. And at this point, I have no idea what I want the outcome to be.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
The short of it
At some point, I'll likely write a post that details "the long of it," but for now, I'll keep it short.
- I first want to say that I am angry, frustrated, and hurt. I can't explain specifically why yet, primarily because I have a series of meetings today that will begin to resolve the issue. The success of these meetings depends, at least to some degree, in me keeping it together. Given that I'm already dealing with hormones and that Disney's "Chimpanzee," which Archer and I took the boys to see this weekend, reduced me to tears for 20 minutes, I need to keep a tight reign on my emotions.
- I also want to say that I am not naive. I know how academia works. I never believed any of the "promises" that were made to me. In fact, the one person whom I've come to trust completely in this matter is the only person who never made me any promises. I knew from the moment I signed my contract last year that all of this could fall apart.
- The drama continues with the conversion of my appointment.
- I have had few expectations going into this whole process. In fact, I started this academic year assuming the all-but promised conversion wouldn't take place.
- I became more confident after multiple meetings with both department heads and the dean, each of whom assured me this would, in fact, happen. The dean even said as much to Archer in front of Archer's department head--at least twice. I was also advised, in good faith, that I did not need to go on the job market this year. I did not follow that advice, but still, that is the advice I was given.
- Since the talk of the conversion began (in October), other things have taken place which have made the conversion complicated. None of these things have anything to do with me personally; however, I am now at the center of these complications.
- One of the departments, which is notoriously competitive, has multiple faculty members who think more of themselves and the department than perhaps they should. They are also vocally opposed to the idea of any sort of non-competitive hire. I've been reminded repeatedly that this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the "process."
- I got some news yesterday that I was expected, but that was, nonetheless, upsetting. The conversion will likely move forward, but not in the capacity that had been discussed for the past several months. I am now left with major decisions, as in career changing decisions. The decisions I have to make in the next few days (I could push it to weeks, but I'm 28 weeks pregnant. I need this resolved, for my own sanity and health.) could potentially change the direction of my career for at least the next 5-7 years, if not permanently.
- I will be meeting with the parties involved in the next few days to get their input, but frankly, I want some answers. I feel betrayed by one person in particular (again, the reasons are really complicated), and I want some kind of explanation. After all the assurances over the past several months, I think this person, who has been all but avoiding me, owes me the courtesy of answering a few questions.
Monday, April 23, 2012
To blog or not to blog
Currently I am in the midst of departmental drama, drama that affects the conversion of my position to tenure track. As the drama has become more pronounced, I've refrained from blogging about it. I try to remain as anonymous as possible, but I think it is likely easy to figure out who I am in real life. So I avoid writing about things that could offend anyone or could reveal too much about my real identity. But I'm finding I really want to write about the drama, yet I continue to hold back. That is the question I'm struggling with today while I try to revise a paper for publication. Do I blog, or do I keep quiet?
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Parenting Dilemma, update
Following my previous post, Archer and I talked. He raised a few points that had not occurred to me. First, Bear has recently begun saying, "Don't hit me" when we've reprimanded him for misbehaving or (and particularly) being too loud. Second, he has also said, "I don't want to play with K" and "I don't like K." In fact, Archer told me that he's overheard a number of the children in Bear's class make similar statements in the past few weeks. That one bothered me a lot. You see, we can figure out how to explain to Bear that K is different, and that just because K hits doesn't mean that it is alright for Bear to hit. It will likely take some time for Bear to understand, but I think he will get it after a few weeks. I do not, however, want Bear to dislike K over behavior that, ultimately, K doesn't have much control over. I want him to be empathetic and sympathetic. Ultimately, we decided to speak with the director of the center to get her feedback regarding both the protocol for dealing with a child who has special needs and their plan for explaining the situation to the other children.
The conversation was, I'm happy to report, fruitful and informative. The director confirmed that K is autism, although he is fairly high functioning. Bear's teacher had already reported to incident to the director, so she was prepared for Archer and I to stop by. She told us that the biggest challenge has been getting K diagnosed. He displayed symptoms of autism at a fairly young age, around 9 months or so, but his parents (K is Asian) are fairly recent immigrants to Canada and do not come from a culture that is very accepting of such disabilities. Now that he has been diagnosed, the parents have become much more willing to initiate meetings, to meet with specialists, and to develop action plans. She explained the protocol for dealing with K's anger, which is much the same for dealing with any child who hits another child; the teachers remove K from the action and redirect him. They have also employed a full-time aid who is generally always with K; unfortunately, this particular morning she had a doctor's appointment and didn't get there until after K had hit Bear. When I described what happened, the director said she actually thinks K was responding to Bear's cries; like many autistic children, K doesn't like loud noises, so he hit Bear in an attempt to say, "That noise hurts my ears. Please stop." I buy that, and I even accept that. As for explaining the situation to the other children, the teachers have begun reading more books about differences and how it is okay that everyone is different. Unfortunately, there are very few books on the market about children with autism and their interactions with children who aren't autistic. I know--I looked. Overall, I feel relieved with the conversation, and I'm glad to know the center is being proactive in the approach to K.
As for us, we've continued reminding Bear that hitting is not okay, and we've even explained to Wild Man to be a bit more gentle when they wrestle. We've also started talking about why sometimes there are different rules for different children. We'll keep at it, and I hope that Bear will start playing with K, at least sometimes.
The conversation was, I'm happy to report, fruitful and informative. The director confirmed that K is autism, although he is fairly high functioning. Bear's teacher had already reported to incident to the director, so she was prepared for Archer and I to stop by. She told us that the biggest challenge has been getting K diagnosed. He displayed symptoms of autism at a fairly young age, around 9 months or so, but his parents (K is Asian) are fairly recent immigrants to Canada and do not come from a culture that is very accepting of such disabilities. Now that he has been diagnosed, the parents have become much more willing to initiate meetings, to meet with specialists, and to develop action plans. She explained the protocol for dealing with K's anger, which is much the same for dealing with any child who hits another child; the teachers remove K from the action and redirect him. They have also employed a full-time aid who is generally always with K; unfortunately, this particular morning she had a doctor's appointment and didn't get there until after K had hit Bear. When I described what happened, the director said she actually thinks K was responding to Bear's cries; like many autistic children, K doesn't like loud noises, so he hit Bear in an attempt to say, "That noise hurts my ears. Please stop." I buy that, and I even accept that. As for explaining the situation to the other children, the teachers have begun reading more books about differences and how it is okay that everyone is different. Unfortunately, there are very few books on the market about children with autism and their interactions with children who aren't autistic. I know--I looked. Overall, I feel relieved with the conversation, and I'm glad to know the center is being proactive in the approach to K.
As for us, we've continued reminding Bear that hitting is not okay, and we've even explained to Wild Man to be a bit more gentle when they wrestle. We've also started talking about why sometimes there are different rules for different children. We'll keep at it, and I hope that Bear will start playing with K, at least sometimes.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Parenting Dilemma
For the past few months we've been dealing with Bear's anger. He is almost three, and the kid has a temper. As he has gotten more verbal he has gotten much better at controlling his temper and expressing himself. He does have a tendency, however, to hit Wild Man or me. As an aside, Bear rarely hits Archer, and the only explanation I have for this is that at 6'2", Archer is much bigger than Bear. Bear hits under fairly normal circumstance--when he and Wild Man are squabbling over a toy, when I'm disciplining him, or when he is unable to express himself. As I've said, he has improved a lot in the past 4 months or so, primarily because we've been firm. At times, I've been firmer than I'd like to be, but honestly, Bear responds to firmness in a way that Wild Man did not. We were at a point when I thought we had almost moved past this stage.
Recently though Bear has regressed a bit. A few times a week he will walk up to me or to Wild Man and just hit us for no real reason. Archer and I were both at a loss for this behavior. We continued our normal discipline tactics, but it didn't really seem to work. This morning I witnessed something that explains the behavior.
At daycare this morning, Bear was unusually fussy. He has never handled drop offs particularly well, although he is generally fine less than two minutes after we leave his classroom. This morning he was out of sorts because Archer's schedule necessitated that we took him to his classroom by 8:30, which means that we were out of the house a bit earlier than usual and that I was the only parent dropping off. Any change can throw Bear off, whereas Wild Man adapts much easier. Because he was upset, I spent more time with Bear. As I was finally able to get him settled into an activity with one of his teachers another child came up to him and smacked him in the face. It wasn't a hard smack, but it shocked Bear. He went from whining to full on sobbing. The teacher nearest Bear picked him up to comfort him, and the other teacher ran across the room to redirect the hitter. Unfortunately, she wasn't fast enough, and he hit Bear again. The teachers both apologized to me, and I didn't say much. As the situation was under control, I left. I knew my staying would only prolong how long it took Bear to calm down, and frankly, I wasn't sure I could be in the room with the hitter.
So here is the dilemma. The hitter has some sort of developmental delay. I'm inclined to think he is autistic, but I have no confirmation of this. I know an aid comes in to work with him every day; I know he gets speech therapy; and I know there are pictures and charts posted around the room reminding him of the rules and the schedule. I also know he takes his clothes off regularly and that, at 3, he doesn't yet speak, nor is he potty trained. I've seen some behaviors that suggest autism, but I haven't asked. It also isn't the center's practice to disclose which children have disabilities or what those disabilities are. I do think, however, that Bear may be learning to hit in certain circumstances from this child. Considering how hard we've worked to get Bear to stop hitting, I really don't want to start all over. But I'm not sure what to say or even how to broach this with Bear's teachers, both of whom were Wild Man's teachers and both of whom I really like. I realize there is only so much they can do, given the rules of the center--time out isn't an option, and it likely wouldn't work for this child. But I think there must be a way to let the other children know not to mimic the hitter's behavior. Thoughts?
Recently though Bear has regressed a bit. A few times a week he will walk up to me or to Wild Man and just hit us for no real reason. Archer and I were both at a loss for this behavior. We continued our normal discipline tactics, but it didn't really seem to work. This morning I witnessed something that explains the behavior.
At daycare this morning, Bear was unusually fussy. He has never handled drop offs particularly well, although he is generally fine less than two minutes after we leave his classroom. This morning he was out of sorts because Archer's schedule necessitated that we took him to his classroom by 8:30, which means that we were out of the house a bit earlier than usual and that I was the only parent dropping off. Any change can throw Bear off, whereas Wild Man adapts much easier. Because he was upset, I spent more time with Bear. As I was finally able to get him settled into an activity with one of his teachers another child came up to him and smacked him in the face. It wasn't a hard smack, but it shocked Bear. He went from whining to full on sobbing. The teacher nearest Bear picked him up to comfort him, and the other teacher ran across the room to redirect the hitter. Unfortunately, she wasn't fast enough, and he hit Bear again. The teachers both apologized to me, and I didn't say much. As the situation was under control, I left. I knew my staying would only prolong how long it took Bear to calm down, and frankly, I wasn't sure I could be in the room with the hitter.
So here is the dilemma. The hitter has some sort of developmental delay. I'm inclined to think he is autistic, but I have no confirmation of this. I know an aid comes in to work with him every day; I know he gets speech therapy; and I know there are pictures and charts posted around the room reminding him of the rules and the schedule. I also know he takes his clothes off regularly and that, at 3, he doesn't yet speak, nor is he potty trained. I've seen some behaviors that suggest autism, but I haven't asked. It also isn't the center's practice to disclose which children have disabilities or what those disabilities are. I do think, however, that Bear may be learning to hit in certain circumstances from this child. Considering how hard we've worked to get Bear to stop hitting, I really don't want to start all over. But I'm not sure what to say or even how to broach this with Bear's teachers, both of whom were Wild Man's teachers and both of whom I really like. I realize there is only so much they can do, given the rules of the center--time out isn't an option, and it likely wouldn't work for this child. But I think there must be a way to let the other children know not to mimic the hitter's behavior. Thoughts?
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