We're moved in

Indeed, we are officially moved into our new home, and the new owners of our old townhouse take possession sometime today.  I would love to say that everything happened as planned, but there were quite a few glitches, which I'll likely blog about later.  I'm happy to say we have many more good friends in CU Land than I realized, without whom this past weekend would have been much, much more traumatic.  We survived, and we're settling into our home.  That's all I hoped to get out of this past weekend.

I will also say that leaving our townhouse was much more difficult than I anticipated.  While I know we made the right decision to sell and to move (which was reaffirmed Saturday evening.  While I was making dinner, I glanced out of the window, which has a full length view of the backyard.  Thus, I was able to keep an eye on Wild Man and Bear, who were happily playing in their water table, while cooking.  That was a great feeling.), I was in tears on Sunday afternoon as Archer and I moved the last few things out of the townhouse.  That little house, with all its quirks and irritating features, was the first house we owned, the first place we were able to make ours.  It is the only home Wild Man remembers, and it is the only home Bear has known.  As I told Archer, we were happy there.  And as he told me, we'll be happy in our new home as well.

Overwhelmed

That is how I'm feeling.  Archer and I are packing up all the odds and ends that are still around the house, and we're anxiously awaiting a phone call from our lawyer telling us that all the money has changed hands and that we can pick up the keys to our new home.  My stomach is in knots.  I know it is just a matter of waiting for all the people to do their jobs at this point, but I'm very, very anxious. 

On top of that, I'm feeling a lot of anxiety about the new house.  I think it will be perfect for us, but it isn't perfect right now.  As I tried to explain to Archer, our townhouse is us.  We've spent three years painting, organizing, and decorating.  We've painted every room in the house except for the laundry room, and we've updated the fixtures, redone the kitchen and one of the bathrooms, and made it ours.  The new house is bigger, with a lovely yard and deck.  But it doesn't feel like home, at least not yet.  I know that it will, but it is very disconcerting for me to feel as though we're starting over again. 

I'm also really worried about the weekend.  We're hoping to get some things moved in today and to move everything else in tomorrow.  The plan is to sleep at the new house tomorrow night, to spend Saturday unpacking the essentials, and to clean up the townhouse on Sunday and Monday morning.  I've hired our go to babysitter for Sunday.  She'll be with the boys for much of Sunday, giving Archer and I time to clean.  I really want the weekend to be as calm as possible, as both boys are a bit stressed out already. 

I will now stop voicing my anxieties and finish packing.

Moving

I love our new house.  I love our new house.  I love our new house. 

I'm hoping that if I repeat that sentence over and over again that I will forget how much I hate moving.

I have a kitchen!

This morning C and I plopped Wild Man in front of the TV, let him watch Beauty and the Beast all the way through, and organized the kitchen. I have absolutely no guilt about letting my kid watch an hour and a half of uninterrupted TV either since I can now cook dinner without searching through cabinets that my brother-in-law (he flew up before Wild Man and I got here to give C a hand with the unpacking) haphazardly organized.

Tomorrow we have to figure out a desk for C as we sold his before we left Southwest College Town. Once we do that, he can finally unpack all his books, which puts us one step closer to order. We're taking it easy, at least for us. C got a lot done before we arrived, so we really only have organizing to do. I figure we'll be all set in about 2 weeks, give or take.

Empty, but blessed

Our house in Southwest College Town is empty, except for the few things we need to make it through the night. Tomorrow, we will get up, have breakfast at our favorite restaurant, take Wild Man to school, and then C will hit the road with our two cats and our turtle. I will then clean out our rented house and take some things to our friends' house, with whom Wild Man and I will be staying until I finish teaching next week.

C and I had a long talk today. He has asked me (well, actually he shouted it because we were both feeling a lot of frustration today) to try to change my attitude about this move. I've been, as most of you know, emotional for the last few days, and that emotion has had more of an impact on my husband than I realized. He thought I was angry with him and blaming him for the move, which couldn't be farther from the truth. Admittedly, right now, I'm not thrilled with the idea of moving, but I do know this is the right decision for our family. CU is an excellent place for C to begin his career as a tenure track professor, and if things continue to work in my favor, this may also be a really good move for me professionally. It is hard to leave people I love so much. But I am so proud of C. He has worked so hard for this, and I really do like CU Land. It is hard to remember that as we say good-bye. So for the rest of my time in Southwest College Town, I'm going to try very hard to remember how blessed I am--blessed to have a wonderful husband and son, to have a terrific group of friends who have become my extended family, and to have really supportive "virtual" friends.

Packed

Other than a few odds and ends, we are packed, and frankly, I am amazed. Two men packed the contents of our entire house in just over 8 hours. Even more amazing, C received a phone call from the person driving the moving van, and the moving van will be arriving in CU Land late Saturday afternoon. This means that we will have furniture by the time Wild Man and I arrive next week. C called me with this news as I was leaving the gym, and my entire mood changed. I went from anxious to somewhat relieved. Now I do not have to figure out how to keep Wild Man occupied for any length of time in an empty three-story town home. C will be able to set Wild Man's room up for him, which will make the transition much easier on him. Now I don't feel like I'm putting him through something horrific.

The Movers . . .

. . . have arrived, and they are methodically packing our house. In the 2 plus hours they've been here, they've already packed our entire kitchen and living room. It is equally nice and disconcerting having someone else do this for us.

I'm thinking and feeling lots of things right now, but my primary concern is Wild Man. He was fairly upset this morning when I left to go teach, and C said he had to stay with him for about 20 minutes before Wild Man was willing to go to his teacher. He apparently kept asking for me, and C thinks Wild Man thought I was going away. That is a fair assumption. He did see me putting clothes into a suitcase this morning. My plan this afternoon is to keep him away from the house as long as possible. Judging from the way the guys (did I mention there is only 2 of them) are packing, I'd say they'll be done by 6:00 or so, if not earlier. I know it will be disconcerting for him to see boxes everywhere, but I'm hoping he'll be able to deal with that better than seeing people packing up all of our things.

Freaking out

That sums up how I'm feeling lately. I'm making a concerted effort not to look at the calendar because if I did I would be forced to reckon with the reality that we will have movers in our home in under 2 weeks, which means that C leaves for CU Land in exactly 2 weeks and that Wild Man and I will be moving in with our good friends Supadiscomama, Supadiscodaddy, and Supadisco-T in 2 weeks. All of this means than in 3 weeks from tomorrow Wild Man and I board a plane for CU Land and we will be leaving all of our friends we love so much (in fact, these people are not my friends; they are my family and I really, really mean that) behind.

Add to that the fact that I have to get this damned chapter finished by the beginning of next week so I can focus on getting my house organized for moving and the million other things that have to get done, and I'm freaking out more than a little. In fact, I need to quit blogging and go to work right now. At least if I stop blogging I'm a lot less likely to start crying.

Yard sales . . .

are a pain.

That said we got rid of some junk and made some money. But I'm glad it's over.

Notes from CU Land

Overall our trip to CU Land was a rousing success. It was stressful, as we tried to cram as much as we could into the 4 days we were there. We looked at about 20 town houses/houses with a real estate agent and 2 rental properties; we visited 3 schools for Wild Man (I wanted to visit another one that was highly recommended by one of the faculty members in C's department, but we ran out of time); and we drove over the entire city at least 3 times in the process of accomplishing these things. Wild Man had a few meltdowns, but overall, he was a dream. I mean, by the end of every day, I was a bit cranky by how much time we'd spent in the car, so I totally understood why he was cranky too. Here are a few highlights from our trip.

• The chair of C's department, whom I am naming Dr. Nice Guy, and his wife, Mrs. Nice Lady, were wonderful. They went out of their way to make us feel welcome and to answer any and all questions we had. Dr. Nice Guy even drove C around town one evening and helped him determine the best areas for us to look at homes.
  
• First, Dr. Nice Guy convinced one of the grad students in the department, who is out of the country for the summer, to let us stay in her house so we didn't have to stay in a hotel room. This was extremely generous of this woman, especially considering all her furniture is vintage (on a side note, the house was cute, but the interior looked like a page out of Architectural Digest circa 1950; everything was retro-modern, including the 1950s toaster that I'm certain she stole from my grandmother!), and one of the house guests was a 19-month-old. Having a kitchen and a yard made our lives much, much easier. In fact, we only ate out twice during our entire stay, and Wild Man burnt off lots of energy pulling Dr. Nice Guy's son's wagon around the back yard.
• Second, Dr. Nice Guy pestered the dean into pestering the head of the Women's Studies department into meeting with me. I went into this meeting with no guarantees of a job and came out 45 minutes later with the promise of a part-time gig. It seems that CU doesn't have anyone who can tackle both race and gender in literature, and apparently their Women's Studies students are very interested in such issues. I quickly explained that I had in fact taught all the courses on my CV. The head of Women's Studies was confused because technically my title is Teacher's Assistant; she thought I had graded for all the courses (about 8 different courses). Once I explained I had taught every one of them myself, she said, "Well, so tell me what you can teach at CU." After brainstorming for about 10 minutes, she asked me to teach a course on Women's Slave Narratives, so I'm very, very excited. She's supposed to get back to me by mid-June to let me know if I'll start in the Fall or the Spring, but either way, I know I will be teaching sooner rather than later.
• Third, Mrs. Nice Lady, who is a teacher at a secondary school in CU Land, explained the Canadian school system to me. By Wednesday, I was getting very, very frustrated with our real estate agent, whom I felt was being dismissive about my questions regarding school districts. She kept saying, "Well, it all depends on where you want to send him. . ." and then would change the subject. It seems that CU Land only has 1 school district, which is very, very good (Mrs. Nice Lady has sent me the stats via email, and I'm really impressed). But we can choose to send Wild Man to public school, Catholic school, or French-immersion school. Catholic schools are fully subsidized by the provincial government, and many of these are very good. I didn't know this, so every time the real estate agent said, "It depends on if you choose public or Catholic school" I wanted to throttle her. Once Mrs. Nice Lady explained this, I suddenly understood: I was asking the wrong questions. C and I have since learned enough to decide that if we're in CU Land long enough we will send Wild Man to the French immersion school, which is essentially a magnate school. It is part of the public school system, but we have to sign him up for the school about a year in advance.
  

Overall, I returned to Southwest College Town relieved. CU Land is a place we will be happy. Now I just have to prep for my upcoming research trip to the Northeast, pack up our house, and finish the Phelps chapter and make good headway on the Kemble/Wilson chapter before we move in August.

The Moving Saga continues

We leave on Sunday to visit CU Land; we will be there until Friday. The list of things we have to do while we're there keeps getting longer and longer. In an attempt to stop thinking of all of this so I can actually get some work done today I've decided to compile of list of moving issues that are currently stressing me out. I'm hoping that getting all of this down will ease some of my stress so I can get a few pages written today.

• On Sunday evening, as we pass through customs in CU Land we have to apply for C's restricted work permit (he is only legally allowed to work at CU), my unlimited work permit (mine will be attached to his, and I am allowed to work any place that will hire me), and Wild Man's visa (I'm not clear on what sort of visa this is, but apparently he has to have one to be a part of the Canadian health care system). We land around 6:30, which is dinner time for Wild Man. We have no idea how long this will take, and apparently the entire process is contingent upon our customs agent. If we get a nice customs agent, it will go smoothly; if we get a mean one, we could be there for hours.
• C spoke with the movers yesterday, and he learned that we may not be able to take our car into Canada. Apparently, Canadian Customs can refuse to allow a car that was purchased in another country and has a loan through said country into their country. I totally get the purpose of this; Canada is trying to prevent its citizens from crossing into the U.S. to buy a car without paying Canadian taxes, which are substantially higher. But come on! We're already decided to get rid of one car. There is no way we can afford to buy a car once we get to Canada, so this also has me freaked out. C has to fill out a million customs forms on our car, but apparently we could be told that we can take our car into Canada only to be told no at the border. I'm learning that border agents and customs agents have a lot of power.
• We've decided to buy a town house. We've done lots and lots of research on this and feel fairly confident this is a good idea and will be a good investment. We've rule out a house because to get into the school district we want we can't afford a house, but we can afford a nice town house. I'm getting stressed out about trying to find a house we like, put a bid, and do the paperwork in 4 days.
• We also have to look at schools for Wild Man. This was a difficult process when we did it in Southwest College Town, and he wasn't even born then. We visited day cares and selected the one we liked the best when I was 8 months pregnant. I've spent so much time on-line researching schools in the past two weeks that I'm beginning to think I could write a dissertation on daycares in CU Land. This is a big source of stress because he is so happy where he is. I really hate that we have to move him.
• C was finally given access to CU's library database, and I spent about an hour on-line yesterday trying to determine how extensive their literature section is. Let me say that C will be ILLing a lot of books for me. I'm also asking my parents to give me cash for my birthday so that I can start buying the books I use regularly. Apparently CU isn't so big on nineteenth-century American literature. Go figure.

Well that helped more than I would have thought. I am now going to try to figure out what I have to say about Phelps, nature, and transcendentalism.

Moving

So here is the reality of my life right now: moving sucks. I know that most of us feel this way, so let me add another element to it: moving to another country sucks.

Oh, Canada!

As most of the regular readers already suspect (and many of you know), we are moving to Canada. C was offered and accepted a tenure-track position at a medium-sized research university in Canada. CU (Canadian University) is in a medium sized city, which is relatively close to the U.S. border. We will be returning to the Eastern time zone, although we will not be returning to the East Coast, which is ultimately where we'd like to end up. C received word yesterday that CU has mailed the contract to him; he should get it on Monday. With that knowledge, I feel a bit more comfortable revealing the approximate location of our new home. Frankly, I was a bit worried about jinxing everything!

We are alternately excited and stressed out about the move. Our lives are going to change dramatically. C will be making significantly more money than both of us are making now (but, given that I'm a grad student and he is a full-time adjunct, that isn't really hard to do), but we're still a bit worried about finances because the cost of living in CU Land is somewhat higher. I have good leads on adjunct work, and there is a serious possibility that the English Department at CU will offer me a part-time position for the Spring. The Dean of the College of Liberal Arts is a from Southwest College State, and she has a nephew who attends Southwest College. She seems very eager to help me given this connection between our families. She has, in fact, shopped my CV around at the affiliate schools (CU seems to operate a bit like Oxford or Cambridge; it has affiliate schools for specific areas, including a teaching college and a women's college. Each of the schools has an English department, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that one of these schools will show interest in my CV and want me to teach at least one class there in the fall.). But for the time being, unless something else comes up, we've decided that I will stay home and focus on my dissertation. Daycare is significantly more expensive in CU Land, so Wild Man will either be staying home with me or he will go part-time. C and I have talked endlessly about a schedule, and I'm fairly certain we can make such a plan work (after all if our friends Solon and Megsg-h at The Rhetorical Situation can make it work while both of them are dissertating, we definitely can!). The Dean has also assured C that the English Department will consider me for partner placement when I'm finished, so that is even more motivation for me to keep on task and get work done.

For now, we're trying to figure out our living situation (we're debating whether to buy in the first year or wait a year) and determining what it means to be Americans living in Canada (we've still got to figure out how to get absentee ballots as CU wants C to apply for permanent residency as soon as we get there). C asked me last night if this makes us expatriates, and I told him I have no idea (Lilian, any thoughts on this?). We are, apparently, emigrating, which is not something I'd ever thought we'd do. I do know that we're in for one interesting adventure.

Sinking in

The reality that we're moving in just over 2 months is beginning to sink in. With that realization, I'm experiencing a lot of mixed emotions. I'm genuinely happy about this move for more reasons that I can count. The biggest reason is that this is a smart move for C, for his career, and for our family. Regardless of whether or not I'm ever offered a position at University X, this is a great job for C's career. If I'm not offered a position and we do end up moving again in the next few years for my career, this job makes C incredibly marketable and will make him much more attractive to any school that would hire me. I'm also excited about this location, about getting to know a new place, and about living in a new environment. The list could go on and on.

Despite my excitement and my belief that we are making the right decision, I'm not excited about leaving the Southwest College Town we've come to think of as home. When we moved here almost 5 years ago, we never would have thought we'd be so happy here. It is a relatively conservative community, in a very conservative state. It doesn't feel like a college town at all; in fact, it feels more like Strip Mall Town. It has all of the negatives of small town life, without many of the positives of living in a city. But it has many things that we've grown to love. We have a community of friends, many of whom we've come to think of as family. I can name about 12 people that I will be heartbroken not to see on a regular basis. In some ways, I think of these friends as people I've grown up with. We've all weathered the many dramas of graduate school together, had children around the same time, and become an integral part of each others' lives. I also have a lot of affection for this place because it is where C and I decided to become parents and where Wild Man was born. It is impossible to drive around this town without thinking "That's where Wild Man did X for the first time." Leaving SCT will be one of the hardest things I've ever done. One of the things that bothers me most about the profession we've chosen is that it requires us to move to places that we may not want to move to, to put down roots in said place, and then to leave that place. C and I love what we do, but I truly hope we don't have to move too many more times in our careers.

On his way

C left this morning to attend his field's version of MLA. Between this afternoon and Friday afternoon, he will interview with various schools. I'm feeling a bit strange about this whole process. Last year, we assumed that C, although he did have a few interviews including an on-campus visit, would not get a job because he wasn't finished with the doctorate when he went on the market. Now it seems (emphasis on seems; I don't want to put the cart before the horse, as my mother would say) that he has a really good chance of getting a tenure track position. I feel excited for him--he definitely deserves such a job--and our family--it will improve our lives a lot, at least financially.

But personally, I am feeling a bit ambivalent. If we move in the fall, my life will change dramatically for a lot of reasons, and I am not exaggerating. The move, although for the benefit of our family, will be largely about C, and while I'm ok with that, I am also wary of my own reaction and feelings once we move. I've made a similar move before when we were first married. I moved with C to the mid-sized Northeast University that treated him terribly. For the first year there, I was miserable, so miserable that I started having panic attacks and ended up in therapy (I am oversimplifying for the purposes of the blog, as the move did not cause the panic attacks and therapy was a good thing). I know what it feels like to be in a place where you have no friends and few options for making them, and I am wary of that. Secretly (well, not so secret anymore) I hope he gets a position at one of the schools that would put us close to good friends. I know myself well enough to know that I will do better in a new situation if I have a support system close by. But then, I also know myself well enough to know that I will make the best of any situation. Here's hoping his interviews go well and that Wild Man doesn't miss him too much.

**Because I've been questioned about this issue before, I want to add this post-script. While I do acknowledge that I am giving up some things (i.e. opportunities for funding and teaching) if C gets a position, I do not feel like I am making any major sacrifices for him. I am not putting his career before mine. Rather the way circumstances have worked out, he is in a position to start his career first, and as we're a family, we have to make the decision that is the best for our family. I am fully aware that I will experience a slowdown if we do move, but C experienced the same thing when we left the Northeast for the Southwest when I began my ph.d. I'm not worried about my career, my dissertation, or my work. I'm worried about being lonely.

A new semester

We're now officially moved, and surprisingly, most things are unpacked. S proved very helpful over the weekend; as long as he had his own box to unpack (which means he pulled things out of the box and put them right back in) he was happy. This activity enabled C and I to get quite a bit done.

Now I have to get ready for the upcoming semester. I'm teaching an on-line technical writing course again, so I'm beginning the annoying process of updating the course website. I haven't done this part of it before, so I'm hoping it doesn't prove too irritating.

On the blog front, I've been thinking about several posts, and I hope to have them up in the next few days.

Another Disappointment for C

The unexpected job I wrote about has been cancelled (but it will be relisted in the fall), and C is understandably disappointed. I feel like my wonderful husband can't catch a break lately. As ambivalent as I was about this potential move, I really wanted him to get the job because, frankly, he has had an unbelievably tough year. On top of all of his dad's death, the job and dissertation stress, he also feels guilty about how little work I've been able to get done this year because I've taken over almost all of the household responsibilities and S's care so he can get this dissertation finished. I don't want him to feel guilty. I want him to understand that this is what a spouse does. I know he will return the favor when I am in the final stage of my dissertation. He told me the other night that he feels like he has to pay me back, and I told him that is ridiculous. I do wish he has had more time to spend with us recently, but I don't feel like he has missed out on any important events. I know this is a means to an end, and frankly, I get a lot more support from my stressed out husband than a lot of wives. It kills me that he doesn't realize what a great husband and father he is. I'm left feeling partially responsible as I was so ambivalent about the job.

On a more positive note, C has scheduled his dissertation defense. As of July 18, he will officially be Dr. C, and we are so excited about that.

Another Potential Move

I haven't completely wrapped my head around this yet, so I think this will be a short post. C didn't get the job he interviewed for in April, so we had reconciled ourselves (fairly happily, actually) to the reality that he would adjunct another year and go back on the market next fall. We both think he'll be much more successful with his degree in hand. A few weeks ago, three jobs came open in his area, and he put in for two of them, assuming he wouldn't hear anything. Friday morning he got a call from one of the universities, and he has an on-campus interview at the end of the month. I'm excited and anxious. I've come to the realization that I kind of like where we live--not necessarily the area (although we could and have lived in worse places), but the community of friends we have. The first job seemed managable b/c it was about an 8 hour drive from our friends. The new job is scarier to me b/c we will be across the country from our friends. Admittedly, we will be closer to our families, which is a plus. But I have lived away from my family for 9 years. My friends, particularly this group of friends, have become my family.

Moving, Ethically

So it seems my previous post on "Moving and Ethics" was for naught. We have decided to go with the duplex, as it is the nicer of the two places. Now I feel like I can let myself get excited. As much as I hate moving (haven't I said that before?), I know this is the right choice. Our lovely condo is increasingly dangerous for S, who is now into everything! We don't have enough storage space, which means there is stuff he can get into everywhere. We've baby-proofed as best as we can, but we're still spending a lot of time saying, "No! Put that down!" In the new place, he will have his own room, and we will have our own office. We will be able to shut the door on the office and keep him out of wires, papers, cords, etc. Plus, he will have a backyard too!

Moving and Ethics

Let me state the obvious: I hate moving. That said, we need to move. Our 2 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath, 2 story condo is too small for us, especially now that S is mobile. S and I currently share space--the largest bedroom is half-nursery, half-office; however, as C acutely observed the other day, I am rarely able to get work done at home. I am occasionaly able to grade, answer student emails, and request articles from the library. I do read a fair amount while S nurses and naps, but I haven't been able to get any writing done at home for months. (*Aside: C made this observation as though he had a huge epiphany, completely forgetting that I've been telling him this for months. . .) C's office is in the dining room, which has worked really well until S got mobile. Now S is trying to climb into C's filing cabinets and rearranging his papers for him.

Moving in our smallish college town isn't easy. We tried to move last year--we even put a bid on a house, which wasn't accepted--but had no luck. This year we've decided to rent again since C will be back on the job market next year; it seems silly to buy a house if we'll may have to sell it in less than a year. So for about 3 months we've been looking for a 3 bedroom, 2 bath apartment/duplex/house to rent. The problem: we really like our current condo. We have a fenced in courtyard with a small shed. I can have all my plants, and C can have a grill. Our cats can get outside with little risk of escaping. In essence we have a yard without really having a yard. Plus our rent is incredibly reasonable, and we love our neighbors. Bigger places in our town are either geared toward undergraduates (3 bedroom, 3 bath homes with a rent that is perfectly reasonable when you divide it by 3, but not affordable for a graduate student and an adjunct instructor) or over-priced to keep undergraduates out of the neighborhood. The affordable places are in not-so-great=neighborhoods or in nice neighborhoods that would add to much time to C's current commute. And we're picky, plain and simple. We need to move, but we don't have to move. We really like our current place, as I said, so that doesn't really induce us to move.

Yesterday we found a duplex we both liked that was in our price range and fit most of our other needs. It has a large, fenced yard with lots of trees (the trees are a plus), a patio, a bigger kitchen, big closets (our current place lacks sufficient closet space), 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, with a convenient location. We put down a deposit, but we didn't sign any paperwork as the leasing agent was booked for the rest of the day. Practically as soon as we got home, some good friends called us to let us know a house in their neighborhood just went up for rent. It is slightly more expensive, but it is a house. C really likes this neighborhood. It would take a lot of time off of his commute, and we'd be right across the street to really close friends. Is it unethical to go see this place, providing we can see it today? And if we like it better than the other place is it unethical to withdraw our deposit and try to rent it? We haven't signed anything, so I won't feel too badly if we decide on the house versus the duplex. Plus, I know the leasing company will be able to lease the duplex without a problem. We're only the third family who has looked at it. I've decided to let C handle this one, which oddly seems fair to me since I've done all the work for the other place. I just wish the house had come available a few days sooner. . .